The Third Letter to Sumo

Sumo.

I am very happy for the past few weeks. I am not sure but my heart tell me I am happy. The burden seems to be lifted off my shoulder. I can not quite understand but something tell me that I have did something right. It feels so right and therefore I will be alright.

Weeks before, thinking of you makes me feel guilty regardless of the words of comfort people have said to me. Regardless of the money I have for myself, I feel the burden of buying something that I know i will never own. It is stupid for me to even think that I would pay anyone to revive your soul just to come back to me. I remember the last time you came in a dream.

You shows that there will be a young puppy who look so ill, small, hungry and deserted in a heap of rubbish nearby. So small and looks disoriented, it looks like you during your younger day with extra cut marks. When that small puppy are found, before we can even scream for joy; there you are watching us. You step forward, smiling as you licked the small puppy. Suddenly the dream just disappear and we are left without answers. Sadly, without even a word to say and a pat at your head. I still can feel your warm body when you cry as we are leaving you for less than a month. Condition simply did not permit us to have you for this mean while. I promised two weeks and I will be home. The weekend before I left for that useless court case which ended up with a adjournment, I received the worst news in my life.

Sumo, do you know that it feel to have you in our dream? Perhaps to even hold you and have some words before your departure? I feel so sick of myself for leaving you away from us for just two weeks.

Your dream is inconclusive, however we decided to literally follow what happened in our dream. We dug the whole heap of rubbish, trying to see if we could actually found the little puppy in that dream. Desperation excelled our insecurity, we finally found nothing. We believe perhaps one day you will come again to us when the time is right. Our meeting is destined by the Lord above.

Last month has been a routine going back home to the village as usual. I am not sure but I am quite worry and bothered with the news that the zinc roof for your shrine has fallen suddenly. Some said it were the buffaloes who did it. It tingles me thinking that you nasty boy, perhaps you came out to play and irritates those buffaloes and resulted with them destroying your shrine to get even. Maybe, but I am not sure. Mama, who are devastated with your recent past has adopted a puppy. I would not careless as you is the one I have loved and always love.

The new muddy road leading home really agitate me. I got stuck at the puddle of mud after a rainy evening. Damn! I am so tired and this happened. I manage to reach home and without wasting my time, a few of us jump into the river for a good night swim. I felt better as it was getting dark and chilly.

On the way back from bath, I decided to take a look at Mama's new puppy. To my horror, I found something that is so surreal. Déjà vu! It is you as in the dream!.

My heart pounding for joy! Is that you? That question repeated in my mind seems to be for eternal. How can this be happening? This is so fast! The last time you came was on the 7th night of your passing. It was dark, I managed to see you with this small torchlight. I am puzzled, disarray and speechless. Can this really happen? Sumo reincarnated into a new puppy so fast.

I am touched. I am so touched. This love we had for ourself is so strong. Sumo reincarnated on the 40th day of his passing. This is unplanned, this came so fast. I stay steadfast and believing that was destined again. But why does this need to happen?

I remember clearly the day of Sumo's passing. The night before, he leaped out of the house balcony. We believed he has a good reason probably he held himself to his last breath and choose to pass outside. Another possible reason is to trade his life? I am not so sure with the metaphysic that is happening. I am not sure bible said anything about taking one's life with the permission of the Father. Less likely, Sumo is a dog. Somehow, perhaps as what we always heard that loves conquer all. Love is magical! Love make you do things that you never though off? All I know, I still miss my O' Sumo. His name makes me feel so heavy with guilt. His name make me sob when I reminisce the old days.

Now, that puppy is for sure an incarnation. But am I be so sure? Coincident? I have nothing to loose since I have been the biggest looser for almost two months.