Second letter to Sumo

Part I

The clock is ticking and I am waiting and still your voice, your silhouette and yourself has yet to appear upon me. I am counting on you to help me to go through this misery and turbulence hours where I am yearning for you. The emptiness in me now is nothing compare to what divinity and honorable loyalty that you have for me. I am still counting the weight of this misery and yet regardless of the weight of this guilt, you shoulder more and countless sufferings through the period I have being negligence or imprudent toward you.

This letter is for you, I wrote it sincerely and yet I am still feel the guilt in this room as I lay missing you. You have been a great companion, a champion to my intelligent and a loyalist in countless occasions and yet I have the heart to do this to you. Again, I am here whining about missing you, yearning for you, calling for you and apologizing for things that I should have thought before this. I feel like I can cry a river, I can moan for this emptiness but then it will not change a thing. It will not even heal this wound in my heart. My soul was ripped apart; my heart shattered and my conscience just tangles and lingers on what I could have done.

I read poems and every poem hits me hard and pointing it all back to me. I know I am taking the full responsibility for this but it does not make me feel any better. Regardless of all the good deeds I have done, I cannot get you to forgive me and fulfill this emptiness. One’s life is too precious to be taken lightly and moreover I have been sinful. I seek for divine intervention, which would be less likely to happen to bring you back to fill my days in my longer journey. Night has passed and yet, I cannot get over with this. These lonely nights paint my life gray. I weeped and reflects on my sins, I just cannot stop myself glancing at all the spots where you usually be. You will be there laying and snoring in the comfort of our home after a good meal. You will be here by my side, accompanying me to rest. You never forget those good night pecks you wanted from me and those lickings from you tell me that you have a fine day. The way we shared our bed makes you no different than others whom I love regardless of your origins. Hugs and perhaps night bumps from me sometime awakes you and still you never mind about it. Midnight rain scares you as you watch over the rain if it would flood our house, fear it may endanger us all. You wake up early and waste your time with those formless teddy bear before your routine wake up calls. God, how did he get those bright brain and being very responsible? Your wake up calls is as perfect as alarms where I can choose to snooze you or call it off. You are angry with our inconsiderable so-called neighbors who cause noisiness, which may disturb our slumber.

Part II

God, Saints and angels, I pondered and think, he is so smart and why is he called to rest so early. Did he choose this path? Or is this is written in your judgment books where time is limited to him. I disagree for his short stay and I am sad since the day he left me. God, if there is heaven, please do not leave him in Limbo, as he is a very good companion. He did his task well, he has been behaving well however, he is reasonably naughty at times. Do not punish him but embrace him as one of the best you have. Send the best angels who can give him lights to heaven today. I am sending all my hopes in these simple prayers and wish he could appear in my dreams and tell me that he is fine and happy. If there is no heaven for immortals like him, please improve his karma marks. Please consider him on him reborn. Make sure he gets the best forms of creation. Please backed him with someone who is much better than me. Or else, preserve him and bring him back to me when time is appropriate and permits. I can wait for years for his reincarnation and I know that is the most I can hope for.

The night blows the wind and I must believe it would be the wind of change, yet I cannot feel you beside me. I am still counting time to close my eyes and take another rest for the day. Memories flash through my mind and everything surround me makes me think of you. Friends and love ones tell me to try to get over with it, but you are so dominant in my life I cannot stay astray from reminding myself for what I have put you through. The pain and the agony you went through is so painful for me. Some said probably you personally take the course of intervention in absorbing all those bad lucks, which suppose to hit me million times. I wish I could have shoulder it together with you. You speak silence where I speak resilient at this moment. Are we both speaking the same language?

Some said you have taken the course to ease my daily burden. I never wanted you to think you are a burden to me. You are my treasure chest. I have yet to open and explore you; and I would not mind if you are an empty oak chest. You have the profound quality of antiquities where one’s eyes cannot value you. It takes a deep understanding to uncover the whole mystery of an old sunken treasure chest. If could hear me calling you and unravel this through and memories of you. You are more than what I could ever want in a close companionship. Please listen to me even if you are far, up there enjoying your time. Please take this journey as a temporary distance, which separate us by time, space, matrixs or anything that has came between us. I plead you to hear what I have to say. I beg for forgiveness as an old friend.

My heart is so vulnerable since everything here is all about you. The deepest ravine shed no fear. You have the love and heart to match the biggest mountain we could have saw as we stroll along the beach. Cracks appeared so distinctive in my soul. I know you have not forsaken me but I have been waiting for days to meet you. Please leave me with a vision and make me to accept your departure. I hope you are not alone in your journey. I wish that I could torch you the path of eternal happiness as we walk through the golden gate at the end of the rainbow.

I now grieve and I will stay strong. I believe in meeting you again. Earthly hours are so slow and heavenly hours could be very fast. Be patient and probably in days, we will meet again. Probably God would consider delivering your soul back to me. Please come to me back in joyous way. God speed!

Part III

I am now about to pack all your toys and all your belongings. I know you would come back someday. Your towel is here beside me. I have been hugging it to sleep. Your teddy is here, dried however not wash yet. This carpet seems to preserve your scent. Your sardine can at the kitchen is still untouched. My torn sandal which you enjoy flipping will not be stitch back. I am still looking for your green sweater. You have grown so fast, it did not fit you any longer. Your appointment card is still in the car. You blue toothbrush still hang beside mine. The broken red scoop is an artwork. Arghh! It is a cheap brittle china product I rather say. I grin as I think of how we got to trick you into the bathroom for a good shower. The pail, remind me how you drink from the tap and pail. It is so obvious when you drink from the tap. We could hear you do it. I have just lighted up this fragmented mosquito coils, which you love to break. That blackout curtain is filled with you paw marks. Those utensils are still in the box you love to bite and shred apart. Where is you black collar? Where is your pillowcase? How could I live here longer? How I can be headstrong to wait for your upcoming? I am packing all my things and leave. It is too hard for me to bear. Memories of you battered my soul. How I wish a soul could be bought by money. I would easily buy your soul out. I am speaking a fool’s language again. How could that possibly happen? If your name Lazarus, would it makes any different?

My soul is cold tonight and so as my chilly heart thinks of you and all those things you have did. I try to warm it with all those memories of us both. I am so restless thinking of you. I try to get you a tombstone but I think it would be a sad journey. You are just embarking on a temporary journey. Therefore I would build you a beautiful shrine, singing tributes on our lively, cheerful yet short relationship. It would be build from colorful river stones, marking your beautiful days; list made of brown irregular sandstone, marking your fur color and the border that seclude you from the outside world which you have missed and a small statuette of a dog. Do you still need angels? Or you are strong enough to walk the path to heaven alone? St. Michael probably could have specially called upon beautiful angel dogs to guard you to heaven. When you walk, please stop occasionally. I know you are strong to walk the distance but please take a short glimpse at me here who have been thinking of you. Angels, I count on you through my showers of prayers to ensure my beloved one is enjoying his trip safely. Father thou art in heaven; be very gentle, give him merits and qualified him for the best seat in heaven where he can always see me here. He would not bite anymore; worry not my Father. In You I trust and pray. Amen.

Part IV

Torn bodies could be stitched but torn soul will never heal regardless of compliments and achievements. Shattered dreams leave cracks. No words could define my feelings. Do you have the empathy and sympathy for me, the poor soul? Do I look estrange and astray today?

One day, perhaps I will find you in a heap of summer leaves beside the grotto. Witness by Mother Mary, you will be reborn. Reincarnate into my life once more with this Catholic teaching. In this garden, we will play again. In this vast and beautiful garden, you earned a freedom with me watching you from afar. I promise that I will be back every evening after a fruitful days with your favorite food. By then, please do not leave me again. I feel what you felt. Separation is the worst thing that could come between us again.


Last night, I try to call you into my dream. Once more, I failed to meet you. How I wonder if I can meet you just once. This one time just to say sorry for all I have done. Tonight, I keep my finger cross and hope you would come again. Memories of you flashed through my mind. Remember those happy times when we are together. All those special moments will be here in my mind forever. I wonder and every night I wonder if I could make it up to you for all those pain you have gone through. I heard you cried a million rivers. You keep up the faith, believing that I shall return. Be strong regardless those red weary eyes. I am letting you down every day did I?

So many 'If' questions playing in my mind and makes me think that such tragedy could be avoided. I cannot figure anything but missing you very much.

Part V

Weeks has passed, it is kind of hard to take away this agony of passing. All the good time we have shared, reminisce in my mind. Thoughts of you come and go as days passed through. Everything reminds me of you. Can you see how happy when I found your green torn sweater you worn as you grow and that black collar that you wear till it almost torn apart? I hope you understood how we all have missed you through all this empty days.

Talking about you makes me stronger as I have fought all this feeling. Tears runs dry after weeks of you passing. Your passing is no longer something we are sad about. It is always a time of reflection about how beautiful the life we shared in that cursed home.

Every time I think of you I smile. All this sadness has fade away. I love your smile. I love you, my little rebellious brat! I wish you are here and as always to welcome me back home everyday. I love the way you mug our food even if you have better food. I love the way you spoiled our stuff. I love the way you tricked us. I kept all those bite marks of pens and everything.

I am still waiting for your second coming and your reincarnation. I will always remember that little puppy you have shown in our dream. Surreal as it may seem but put a high hope to meet you again once you are ready and come back to our life. Come back again, my dear. Come back and fill our days with joy and troubles. I regretted that I have never got you a Christmas gift. I will wait for you, and the first Christmas once you are back with us; I will get you the most beautiful shoe for you to chew and perhaps the ugliest teddy bear you ever seen and make captive during your lonely hours.

Part VI

Next month probably one of the busiest month of the year as my sister's wedding is getting near and we are settling into the new house you have always heard about. We probably would not come back to visit your shrine. However we will be back the following months to clear and wash your shrine and add some more toys you have always love to play with. I tried to make a small garden around your shrine with butterfly flying around and beautiful morning glory or sunflower beside you. You can watch the weird morning glory blooms; you can have the brightest sunflower to brighten up your days and also some roses that smell so fine. You can play with balls on a lazy afternoon. Maybe you can destroy all the Frisbee that you could not catch. Roll around the lawn and run through those beautiful beds of flowers. I want you to see me grow old as I watch you grow old too. We get weaker together as the days past through. You will cheer my day and I will cheer yours. Growing old would not be as painful as it should be. By then I can call you my good O’ friend.

Part VII

Dearest old friend who thou art in heaven, how is your day? I am here alone thinking of you. Hours of loneliness like this make me think of you. You have been the best companion on lonely hours like now. I remember how you lay beside me, just watching me and keep me accompany. How I wish those hours could be unwind and makes you here at this moment. Do you know how I miss those hours just having you beside me. Late hours at night you can just watch me working on my work. How these sentimental songs remind me of you? Sumo, I heard that your shrine fell apart on your 40th day? I am sad however I am happy as well. You have never change regardless of the medium and I know you are at my side as I type this tribute column of you. Funny! I think you may have upset those buffaloes at the village. I do not know how you did it but it is purely you. Am I right? Probably you provoke those buffaloes with your naughtiness and they probably chase you. You disappeared into your shrine and they take revenge on your shrine. Well, I promise to go home and have your shrine ready and clean.

Old Friend, probably I may be the worst master any good friend may have but I am sure I am the most understanding one. Sumo, all those memories is never buried together with your body. Somehow, it lingers around and it really made me miss you and yearn for those times you and me are together. Everything seems to remind me of you. I have all of your belonging here with me. Can you believe Sumo, that someone has just named his dog ‘Sumo’ as well? A non-believer of a good pet has just adopted a wounded puppy and made a good shelter for his new companion. You live as a legacy of a pure naughty, rebellious and yet kind friend anyone ever wanted. Once I built my altar at home, you will have a spot under it as a loved one. Probably best known as the most loved one. memories of you will never die as long as we breathe air and feed on food. Not to forget, you will have a large portrait among family photos. What can I do and will do to make you feel deserved in my heart and in my home? I know your passing is never being intended and it has never crossed our mind. For all I know, you have been a strong-minded friend with a lot in common. Even if I shout your name, you will never be here again but your angelic soul is felt every time I want you beside me. Praise you my old companion. Never ever forsake us here, as we always think of you in our daily life. O’ Lord, thank you for taking care of my good Sumo. He is one of a kind and the best present I ever get. Short stint is all it takes to make me think how wonderful Your creations are. Thanks as well for all those smooth journeys I had with Sumo.

Unforgettable, that's what you are. Unforgettable, although near or far. Like a song of love that's clings to me, how the fond of you does things to me. Never before, has someone being more. (Nat King Cole)

Sumo, my life is now in order. I got in to this new home. How I wish you could be here. You will have the best view of a hill from the balcony. You can see chirpy bird flying around. Alas, it never meant to be. Darn! Wish you were here. It would be colorful dining area with lots of bright colored wall and best of all; you have a big room for yourself.