Blues

Richard Marx songs really kill me and pause me every time I listen to the radio as I do my work.

The melody really sway me back to my younger years. I can not stop myself to reminisce the great sad old days. Songs from Richard Marx and Air Supply is really a something I am weak to. It is like a cryptonite to my soul. I can be a Superman somehow this song really makes me fall to my knee.

Right now, Yahoo Messenger spin this song. I am distracted and therefore I start to blog. I am a person who like to express things in my writing. It can dead silly in words. My sentences could be structurally wrong and at certain time I have redundant words in a sentence. I may type something else that rhyme with the intended word.

Younger days, I have gone through a lot of silliness and truly heartbreak. I wish I would not turn back time, however the radio has me back to the old days. What can I do?

How I wish I would not speak about the history. How I wish I never taste what I have gone through life. How I wish things could be as fine as how it was now. I wish and the intervention was not there. I am left to feel the pain. Going through lonely nights is an agony I can not put in any word. How could I put sad when I am suicidal. How can I describe myself suicidal when I feel God is near and yet feel so far. What are the feelings that I used to have? Are you going through it now?

I never want to even feel that bitterness. Enough is enough. I would like to be myself at this moment. I enjoy the glory of my youth. I am ushering adulthood. I am always the one you have known. Situation change but personally I did not change a bit. I am still the rebellious one who wish to burnt the whole town and let the ashes rebuilt the city. That is who I am now. I have toned down some of my nature however the seed is there.

I have to confess that my ex is getting married this Saturday. I am not sure if ex is a word that could describe it. I am happy for her. I am happy for myself and I would never trade my current happiness for any dream that I have ten years ago. I have a treasure chest from the Baron sea which clearly contain the papyrus of treasure map and why would I trade it for a schooner of gold? Why? I am the happiest guy.

I shower her marriage with blessings. I blessed her with this matrimony and pray for a blissful wedding. I know she is happy and he have the right man to take care of her. I would not make any comparison since every happenings has been written by Him in His Big Book. I would not change a thing. I would thank for time spent together.

I have put an act of chivalry for all these years together. I have acted maturely and I has been a good man. I have my principles which go parallel to any good morality. I deserved merit even though I am penalized. I think I am the leading person yet I am not the Alpha type of male which filled with chauvinism. I speak softly yet my words carries the weight of a mountain. I have the courage and spirit when I fight my inner dissatisfaction and yet I still not over with it. What is this? Am I too sentimental? Is my conscience playing role and make me hard in determine the right and the wrong? Guilt is something I hope from her. Guilt is what I feel now.

Annunciations has yet to come and why I am so happy about the condition that I am now? Perhaps the answer lie to near to my eyes and sometime I have overseen it. God granted me a good girl who is now a lady. She is the apple of my heart and there is no doubt. She has so much which I have yet to know. She is compassionate, smart, kind and beautiful in her own right. She is a beauty in my eyes and the heart of the beholder. I have her all for myself and I love her.

Years ago, I am frustrated thinking things may not work my way. It did not work out my way for the past fucked 10 years. It seem that my cold resilient pays off. I feel my steadfast and my loyalty to the Almighty is the key to this happiness. I chose the way and I have gone through all the hurdle thrown to me in life. Every single barrier gets smaller and less dominant. I have scoured my virtue which has been dented and dirty after years laying under the seabed of the Baron Sea.

Stars, twinkling stars and shooting stars. Show me the beauty of heaven and play me the sound of fantasia. Trumpet of angels herald for me one day and I know I will make it. I have wish to have a welcome like Elijah. The fiery chariot will bring me to heaven someday and somehow.

The night is the time that loneliness start to make you dream and hallucinate about things that are not mean to be. Is it a blasphemy for what I have said previously? Its clear that my thought goes wild. All this while, I control my thoughts. They are processes under my discretion and what happen now?

I guess I wrote crap tonight, however one thing for sure; all those who gave me pain and all those has gone through pain with me will get my blessings. Father, I pray that all souls whom I know get a place close to you.

Father, every night before I lay myself to sleep; this soul I surrender to you for you to keep. I pray and thank You for sending Your only son to save my soul. I promise to make the best for mankind with all the strength You have given me. Please let me start with the one I love and then to the one You love. It is getting late, my Lord; I hope you will continue to bless my life.

I would thank You for all you have given without me saying a prayer. It seems to be I am a spoiled brat who enjoy Your but be assure O' Lord I am always grateful. I would never beg and command You in my prayer instead I believe in annunciation of future upcoming where Your son will bear fruits with his labor. Teach him to be wise, to have empathy and sympathy as well as to have the conscience of the righteous. I pray to you O' Lord.

Mother Mary, the ever loving Madonna, blessed me with all strength You have showed us. Bring me steps closer to own the courage You had when You gone through all the suffering and turbulence hour.

Jesus Christ, teach me the meaning of real sacrifice. Let me earn all the credits of being less sinful person. I know I will never make it to be hold the upright ways but prepare me for it. Show me the light when my path is dark. Lent me Your shoulder when things get a little bit hard. Hear my cries, shield me from all evil deed and make my path much easier, as your sinful sinner here always lost his may.

For a moment, things in my life goes well. Preserve me from Baal and Lucifer who come and tempt me with all the prospect of earthly richness and lustful desires. Gluttony is always near by, therefore I pray for your light and right for a path to inner cleanliness.

It has been a long night of whining and I am getting tired. Holy Spirit and angels, guide me in every thing I am about to do.

Amen. Amen. Amen. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Gloria, Gloria Santa Maria. Hallelujah!