2009

I do not feel like to tell you about 2009 as 2009 was the year which I has tried to dismember from any cells in my brain which stored the memories and the nightmares. Hell and wraths, these are the things I get from 2009. There was nothing pleasant about 2009 and I wish 2009 never will re-submerge in my life again; not in this life and the life thereafter. All the pains and the miseries, the despairs I have gone through and the anxiety that I have undertook nearly choked my life and as you can see, part of me has disintegrated, dilapidated and I feel like I am a walking testimony of feeling being crucified.

Yes, I am not worthy to carry the crucifix even at the session of the cross but can you feel my burden, can you feel the lash that hits my flesh and can you even have empathy for my soul? My soul has taken its toll and yet, I manage to heal myself throughout the time of being sad.

My words has never being the rule, they are merely scribbles at the vandalized tomb which you never notice. Have you given a thought and what your conscience told you about me? I am not living with aliases in the day and in the night. I am who I am and I am whom I aimed. Say nothing to me as this weakened body has felt everything life has thrown to it. I never ask for mercy nor submit to your demand. Leave me as I am and I shall render happiness in a way that known to me.

It probably will be the last thing a catholic church wants to hear from and I don’t feel that what I am going through is close as many stigmata as you have read before. But the pain is real and the bitterness of my soul in provoking hatred is here to stay.

I can feel the blood rushing through my head and I can feel the crown made from thorn

I can feel the sound of my bone breaking when I get attached to the crucifix by nails

I can feel the spear thrusting through my limb and my rib

I can feel the warm blood clogging on my linen

I can feel the guilt of the criminals

I can feel the ignorance of the human race;

You cannot feel what I feel, you are here only to witness my destruction and you are documenting my departure. Bid farewell and be joyful of my passing. I wish the pain of the passing and the fore coming karma will serve me better as I am the unwanted and I have being placed among those whom they believed unworthy to attend to.

Friends, I wish to tell you that the joy of spreading happiness has never side me. The least you can do at this very moment are

Give me a breathing space so that I can transform the fear of death into the joy of departure

Give me a fast death so that the pain of dying will not be part of the joyful departure

Give me no humiliation so that my passing wouldn’t be remembered

Give me no mutilation so that I depart as an entity known to you

Give me no fear as I am departing with animals that yearn for love and kindness

Give me no farewell as departure is temporary which is known to the less ignorant

The joy and happiness I once understood has fed away and I am here again wishing you nothing more than a small prayer to set your soul free from being entrapped by fears that made to be believed by many. You are living a superficial matrix which you choose to live.

Liberate yourself and follow me

Deliberately release the shackles you have locked yourself to

Berate injustice serve to yourself but never provoke

Delicate is the ideology we choose to yield

Anger has dispersed and I succumbed to damages and death as a passerby. Year 2009 has made me the victim which left me with nothing but a burnt mark in the diary of my life and the journal of my genealogy.

Emptiness is just a word; emptiness is more than just a feeling.

I am embarking on a journey. Quit tripping!

I am back now to my old favorite past time where I usually blog at late night. There is nothing sensitive like political issues or racism I want to talk about. It is plain, it is boring and mind you, it is pretty stupid so bear with my writings.

I am not the common asshole you probably see at the street nor I am not just the passerby you have seen and you said, “Déjà vu, I knew him somewhere and some how”. Whining is not what I am good with; all I want to do is to have the freedom to express my thoughts and share my wisdoms.

Half of me will say keep the wisdom to yourself and the other half told me share it. I am in the crossroad for a year to decide either to care or to hell the fuck I fucking care about you. I may sound selfish, I am paranoid and sometimes, I am in the verge of suicidal. Yes, my writings are very suicidal oriented and I cannot detached myself from the dark side of me thinking death is a reborn. Death provides purity and death is divine. On the other hand, I love myself and I love the scriptures. Again, I am in the middle of this crossroad due to my ideology and my age.

For fucking sake, I am reaching 32 and I amaze to find myself still having time to stroke the keyboard keys to send my message to you dear readers. The least I can do is to share my wrongdoings and I still ask your forgiveness if I ever trespass you intentionally or subliminally. I am not a clean cloths and I am not that morbid to be a sinner. I am just an unsung countryman who tries to be less obscene with words and writings.

It is another lonely Tuesday night and I made up my mind, to come back into writing arena to provide you an option of reading style on how suicidal people may think. I am not gothic fan or my dressing codes have any symbols of these genres, I am just putting my pen and try to portray to you what I felt and what I should have done in the pass. Some may think I am another crusty punk rock star who write shit, yeah and no. I am no crusty punk fan but I do write shit! The fuck with your brain mister and missus, you can just close the fucking window and leave. This would be the last sentence you want to read or to be associated with you immersion fool. Fuck you!

If you stay, thank you for your kind ear as I do need attention for my writings. Yeah, this is no trivia and this may sound like the whole summary of the whole shit I have put before this but you opt to continue and I would say thank you for your kind support.

A beautiful girl (in art school)

Beautiful girl, I saw you again today

I have been with you throughout the day

You and your beautiful avatar stuck there

So beautiful, I hate to say that I do not dare

Well, you are depressed

I know how it feels to be oppressed

It is not part of you that I am obsessed

I am assured that I feel like I am possessed

Your dear self enchants me and I am always dazed

I wish I can take your fear away and make you amazed

I know the distance

I wish I could touch you this very instant

Your heart is so full with passion

I know it is hard with your mission

Beautiful girl, please show resistance

It is a way of remittance

Be calm and stop being reluctant

Put your mind into a constant

The stage is ready and set

You beautiful artwork shall be a gazette

Everything you have known shall be reset

This is your time; your creativity is your asset

Beautiful girl,

When you work, do swirl,

It is your trademark that will yield

And a hallmark in the field

Time will come to a stop,

It is time to pull the knob,

My heart may throb

I know you cannot rob

This is my confession to a crowd

The beautiful girl has no stop

In the time to come,

Be strong be calm,

For you know for once

I have said you are the finest one

The whiskey sip

After I opened the lid

The sensation burns my lip

It makes my mind on a slip

It also binds my thoughts like a clip

This anger I am trying to get rid

Yes, I am talking too much shit

Indeed, I feel like I am stuck in a pit

I should not address issues like a prick

Nor behave motionless like a brick

I am not full of gimmick

Only this hatred is so thick

I am fed up with your tweet

Which you think is very gay and sweet

It is like talking high on weed

That is why I do not subscribe your stupid feed

Clit, your bloody clit

I feel that you are about to get hit

Do not speak back on desires I have lit

Before I kick, off to the bushes you better sit

Cunt, your smelly cunt

Stop pushing me with your taunt

I am sending a voodoo spirit that will haunt

You may live in days which you can count

Ass, you stinky ass

Your are just merely a lass

I am forgetting about our past

It hardly sticks in my mind, what to say to last

Dick, your fucking dick,

An epitome which makes me sick,

If a fight is what you pick,

Blood is the last thing you will lick

Pussy, your gabbing pussy,

You always being so fussy,

Stop your bags of drama missy,

You are just being a sissy

Cock, your retarded cock

I think your so-called Glock needs a lock

You think every night your drifting dodgy dongle will dock?

Opps! Sadly all females ditched your fixed asset as a mock

Anus, your bowel disease prone anus,

Your writing is getting a D minus

You think your stupid trivia will get us?

You are dead wrong, you lamed leper with puss!

This is the last sip and I am done

It heats me up to the bone

I am drowsy and I shall be gone

Yeah, this stupid poem is sick like none

Peeps!! I am back for more in 2010

Yeah peeps!

I mean i am back to write for more. What reason I left the whole blog for almost a year?

Facebook killed me! Pet Society killed me.

I overcame FB and i am back to write you stupid postings! If you hate it, take a hike, if you love it, you understand my grieves.

Thanks peeps!