Think Tank

Night; I miss you my dear

2010-12-08T00:31:00.003+08:00

It is a dark, cold night and you are not around. You are hundred of miles away. Nothing could be done except trying to breath the air around me, assuming that your heart beats the same with mine.

Wondering if you are dreaming of what you really love so much, wishing that you are not feeling this way on a cold lonely night. The light shines through the opaque louvers across the road, have not seem to be like my heart which got restrained whenever your messages did not reach me; during the day and especially night.

Loud are the noises coming from the bushes around me, silent is the night; what are you doing my dear?

My yearning heart craving for you and this feeling lingers around me during the darkest hour of the land when I can only wish for you.

Tender are the songs played from this faithful laptop; could you listen to the tones of my whisperings?

Soothing are the rhythms that bound to break the silence of the night, would they make me stop thinking of you?

Soft are my touches, could you feel me caressing your hair all night?

Gentle are the silhouettes of mine roaming the room, could you accompany me now?

Subtle are my smilings through these hard hours, could you feel my joy?

Delicate are my feelings, could you even understand the degree of my thoughts gravitate toward you?

Vulnerable is this heart, could you strengthen it; making it easier to go through this night when all I do is longing for you, my darling.

All I can do is to dream for your hands to wrap me.

All I can do is to wish for is your chin, on my chest; sharing the heat of our bodies.

All I can do is to hope for your warm palm, petting me not to worry about tonight.

All I can do is to pray for your angels, to convey me news about your night.

All I can do is to think about the best Christmas and birthday presents for you.

All I can do is to grasp your arm, to lead it close to my heart.

All I can do is to conquer for your heart, convince me that you are mine eternally.

Night almost comes to an end, yet, I feel that you are still far away from me. Will you ever understand how I have to go through the nights without you?

Angels, tell her how I feel; tribune to all lovers that this would be the worst wound when you are lonely; alone without the one you really love, really care.

Candle

2010-12-08T00:29:00.001+08:00

The candle is burning slowly as I am finishing my cans of beer when there is nothing much I can do. I exhale the last puff of smoke and extinguish the cigarette butt in the ashtray. Why I am no more suicidal like before? I felt that there is so much changes happening these few days, I reckon this have not happened for weeks yet. There is some sort of disturbance within me and I can feel the imbalance these couple of days. It gravitates around the axis of unknown and yet I can feel there is a parallel force that walks with me. I am no more before where suicidal is part of me and being hedonistic distinguished me from the others. How did part of my bricked self have changed so promptly when I have no time to say goodbye to my old self? What is this? An intervention or isolation or perhaps its enunciation of what I have thought would destined to be?

If this is bad, why does my body vibrates warmly and not innuendos of disparaging nor corrosion of conformity? What really happened; I am sick playing with this sort of unknown feeling or vibe. Nevertheless, I feel that the snow surrounded the church of my heart start to melt. Where is the meadow covered with snow flakes? Why did I see creek of crystal clear water instead. Echo of angels reminds me of something which is so distance from me for a year or so. My fingers felt so smooth instead of those dead and numb due to frost bites and why does this happened? I used to dream of bonfires which will melt this unwillingness and this frozen soul of mine to accept the reality. Was I wondering within this cavern for years without noticing that I have been walking in circle? What kept me unnoticed that I have been trapped here for years? What blinded me when I can sense light and have been seeking for the bright beam that would lead me toward eternal freedom? Am I now in the state of being in trance or hallucinate with substance. Why this comes so drastic and gives me no room to accept subtle changes? What is bothering me is why I accepted it easily. I render my submission instantaneously.

More and more questions start to linger within this space of mind; why come when I am unsure and provocatively left me clueless of what had happened within these days? I sip the last drops of beer around the rim of the beer can. It is getting warm and sour, coy of it for now. My senses and their census are like still betraying me when I need them to insulate me as if that is what I called as security. Now, what left of me is being naked; humiliate of what I did for years. Tears may subside for years but I can still feel the ravaging current and those rapids that kept me breathless and disoriented; capsized in the dark. What come undone in the past has been dominating this soul and it portrays possibilities yet, I feel stronger. I swear by my soul, I shall venture to find the reason of these happenings with kept me ponder. I prefer to ponder as it is painful to reminisce about the past; the pain for being flung off track. This body is a mass; soulless mass and when you touched me, you feel my cold zombie-like body. I may not turn green, my soul has degraded beyond anyone’s expectation and I was once a prodigal being who roam this land which never guided by zenith. What is the use of zenith when you broke the compass; I am steering away and going astern from the island of prudence and pride. Mercy on me, mercy on this poor soul, mercy on this lost soul; begging for chances and repentance. Will this old wooden rosary which tangled along my palm helps me with penance? My weak body shows resilient after a long penitence; will you at least explain to me what is going on with me?

Sorrows and guilt are the dominant residents in this church of my heart; however there is something, from what you have expected has come to radiate my soul. It gave me the vibes and the courage to transform from this comfortable deformation. Deformation has left me shapeless just like the element that has been dragging me out from this known coldness toward warmness of a new guest.

There was something unexpected at the end of the chapel. During a stormy night, when the dark satin curtains begin to torn apart; I shut the window and keep the storm from destroying more of this old chapel. It has been my bastion, my citadel which is a safe haven for me and it is eerie to most passersby. I found a wooden box, fell from the curtain rail; without anticipation I open it and found a key. I discard that wooden box away after reading a papyrus scroll with text of scriptures. They key has nothing special and it was wrapped in muslin cloth which partly deteriorate. I reached for that bronze key and unlock the secret compartment under the figureless cross. I finish the last sip of the wine in this old chalice before I proceed to reach for the content. It was not to what I have expected; it is only a candle. It was like most candles I have seen in the church and I continued pouring more wine and finish the whole bottle. Angst is what I have tried to reduce instead of volley of words on the day I left the little town, to reside in this old chapel. I was drawn to the velvet wrapped throne where bishop used to rest. The gloomy altar and the alcohol soften me and soothed my body, I fell asleep.

Soon, I woke up only to find myself glancing at that candle, there is something about it which is unknown to me. Unlike those candles I have seen and those which I have lighten up. It is easy to assume previously it was just a candle made from wax till you light it up. It shines the whole altar and the sweet sandalwood aroma begun to change the whole ambient. It remains a mystery on why it was stored in the secret compartment by the bishop or vicar. I lift the candle up and the old brick wall starts to shine, my eyes start to see things I have never seen before; it became a gold tint wall. Candle, o mystical candle; I begin to chant. I close my eyes and move my fingers on that candle; I can feel that there are auras which come dispersing through it. Unbelievable, the candle filled me with strength and courage; I still try to define these feelings and elements that are so beautiful which posses my soul.

Every night, I am spending my bright days with that mystical candle.
Every time in day light, I am staring at that candle and smile.
Every day, I spend most of my time turning the hourglass and hope that darkness comes fast because whenever I am spending the bright night with candle, I feel the urge to make myself better.

Yet, I still failed to understand and define what are these things that make these all happened and the rendezvous which I have been thinking of under the soft sun beam which penetrate through the dilapidated wooden window.

Candle, what are you make of and why are you so mystical? I just seemed to be out of knowledge of your origin and your strength. All I know, you provide what I ever wanted and I am looking forward to understand you better.

St George is a Star!

2010-12-08T00:26:00.001+08:00

Fuck! I read a status profile at Facebook. Yeah! Don’t ask who and why, you never have the right to ask so; now bear with me damn it. Talking about dream and as I about to compose a new poem, I reluctantly decide to write about the pain of chasing dream.

It is raining again and I have not been sleeping much lately as I got bundles of work I need to finish until this moment. I am not sure why, my stress level is low as I have finished everything and done almost every single chores at home and in business. It is Saturday; yes, it is a mellow Saturday afternoon with nothing planned for the evening or so. Sitting here in my room, watching all the Facebook pages updates and status until, one particular status update prompt me to write. I am not sure where and why this initiated me to write. But I cay say, I wish she will have her dream and wish come true. Dang! Déjà vu, the “Somewhere over the rainbow” song is playing mildly from my notebook tone my writing down for now.

I am currently living in a nightmare as the nightmare have stalked me almost every night for the past months but not recently. I am not really glad this nightmare passed through, it is just I am getting a weird feeling. I never ask for sympathy and empathy on me through my writings as you all have always read previously. Yeah! True, it is less suicidal than before and I can say I have not resolve to bulimia to kill my pain. I have no grudge to my previous past instead I cherish the pain of growing to a wiser man everyday.

I am happy that in the past relationship, I hold strong to the value of chivalry where I play St. George to save and sway the distress maiden and then probably ride with her through heaven for eternity. Yeah! That is a fucking dream! Yeah, call me names, named me names; I couldn’t care more about shit you are about to say as you read through my writing. Fuck you if you disagree and fucking thank you if you agree. Vulgarity is part of me, the frustrating me and I wish I could change myself back to a person who is far away from the edge of being insecure and timid for a relationship.

I admit I am timid for a relationship because I do know what every maiden in the vineyard of God wanted. I play St. George because I believe that in every single thing you do, you should firmly grasp for the intention is part of the execution. I know how vulnerable women are but did the previous maiden, laboring at the vineyard of God understand me?

Reassure me please. They failed to understand the actual intention of every St. George most possibly because naturally women want to embrace the witty charmed prince who kissed them from their dream. Dreadful as I might say, they want to taste their first kiss together and relive the moment of heel upside-down if not one-feet-up-feel-like-flying kiss.

Not many maiden remember the ever laboring yet boring St. George who polished their shield and armor to save maiden. St. George did not choose to save a princess like Prince Charming because St. George understood the true concept of love as love is not a dream. Love is about to be hand in hand building a dream. Once part of the dream is labored and fruitful, we live under the dream.

Alas, St. George who saves the maiden was forgotten and died off in shame, humiliation and distraction. Shame of his situation, humiliate by the lesson and distraction comes as attention. You tell me, if I live a life of St. George previously, would you ever care to come close to me and ask? Would you blow kisses to my cheek, blow bubbles around the old oak tree to cheer me or even treat my wound? Would you wash the shroud filled with blood and pull of the broken arrow stuck to my heart. Would you take risk to cure him and own him?

St. George reminisced his past and pondered. A series of thought and lesson learn along the way is here, on his hand. A compendium of past failures and it speaks publically about love and life being in love.

“I ask you for once maiden of the Honor Court, would you unbound his wire mesh armor set? If you come to me and ask, I would smile. If you come and ask me about my past, I have one particular thing installed for you. Hold my hand, my beautiful maiden.”

“I place your palm onto my chest and you can feel all the wounds that I have endured all these while.

If you touch my skin, I am aging faster than my age.
If you feel my heartbeat, the ever burning passion for love is still beating hard.
If you fondle my cheek, this unshaven beard has been hiding all the miseries.
If you taste my lip, you read and talk to my histories.”

What matter is would you come close to St. George whom you first wrongly noticed for a leper? Would you come close to an outcast? Would a maiden from the pheasant family even come close and play Good Samaritan with just a piece of bread? The hunger of for love and despair of dreams never kept St. George from his ever ready mission toward greatness and dreams even if he have to endure more wound and slashes. You read and hear about St. George skills in slaying and sword fighting, but I guess you would still prefer Prince Charming from the foreign land. The land you have never heard before. Your fondness to St. George is remarkable yet, you have not noticed him by the cavern where you usually stroll in the morning.

The caverns where St. George lingers around even during his loneliest hours have not caught your attention. Yet, his cavern is the warmest tavern you ever can enjoy. Splashed with honey, wines and chalices of wonderful potions where every maiden even from the foreign land has ever wanted. Alas, you see the physical of what have embodied St. George.

Flesh rot but heart grows fonder where you failed to understand. What entombed this cold heart is nothing more than the guilt of putting a distress maiden and exposed them to the fiery spells of that fox-in-sheep-costumed-horn-growing Prince Charming.

That is the regret that have been bothering St. George for years now. In the court of Honor, the rules are clear to St. George and unknown to many pheasant maidens who enjoyed the stake of straws deposited by Prince Charming. The court wrote these guidelines for every knight in shining armor.

Thou shall not mask dishonor amongst kindness
Thou shall not tribune false news among the ignorance
Thou shall not hope for retribution after labor chivalry
Thou shall not hunt along the alley close to the vineyard of the Court
Thou shall not speak language of love to the negligent pheasant
Thou shall not restrain those who choose to walk in shadow, shelter them

Has any Sheriff you have met at the Fiesta have told you this?
Has any Viceroy you have corresponded told you this?
Has any knight or Lancelot whispered and told you this?
Has any Prince Charming who kissed your hand told you this?

Dreams are like group of stars and because of that, I chose to build a dream from stars. Stars are beautiful and stars are deemed as something so special.

Stars help navigators to bring fortune and trades as well as diplomacy.
A northern star is not at the north after all, it is the brightest thing you ever saw.
Star is something no more than fragmented and shattered explosion in the past.

Star only born after the explosion or Supernova, unknown to you, and star understood why supernova happened and the shattered story of the past. That is why when you look at star, they are the most beautiful thing and I must stress, it has been beautiful because stars endured a painful journey in the whole processes before you can even see them shine. How far before you can collect stars and make them your dreams? It never been how far, it is the matter how long it takes you to understand the star and only to find them around you.

Why St. George can be well affiliated with stars? Stars, St. George and your dream all have to do with the whole universe.

You wish for a star.
St. George is a star.
St George is you wish.

Long before St. George was born and in his compendium of misery and miserable past, it was written about Andromeda. St. George walks along the path of chivalry where it also relates to the past when Greek gods and goddess rule the earth. Perseus is a mentor to every man and I think many man have not understand the context and the contemporary importance of Perseus aside from the ignored discipline of St. George. He saved Andromeda who was chained naked on a rock, ready to be sacrificed to Cetus the sea monster.

Andromeda Galaxy was named after Andromeda and yet, Perseus was never known. This is because all good men, a true warrior who rode with chivalry chooses to stand at their belief that every women deserve to be treated with kindness even if that course he undertook may not lead him to fame.

St. George is a star as he endured the pain of everlasting heartbreak, knowing that one day a fine pheasant maiden will pick him up tumbling forward. Restless and careless in the past St. George can be; his slashes marked his pasts which are not accountable for any of his misfortune. Sometime, even the wisest person who walks by instinct, guide by the law from the Court of Honor may find it troublesome to please every soul. Nevertheless, St. George is now back on his feet, crafting his long discolored lance and fix the tip with the alloy he mastered from the alchemy from the foreign land. Now, he must ride during dust; a mission has started to unwind the past and probably the lucky Divine intervention.

Before he start his first ride after years and the dream to ride with the Horseman as said in the Book of Revelation, he stand to his feet even it hurt him. Crunching his fist, he can see himself in the crystal clear water; delay will only prolong the hurting and moaning period.

Suddenly a dove landed at the tree stump. That piece of paper wrote “Damsel in Distress”. He smile and said,” Let me die and be a constellation which shall shine upon distress women and may my deed spread among men who wish to understand the real meaning and the key to courtship and love”.

2009

2010-02-11T04:05:00.004+08:00

I do not feel like to tell you about 2009 as 2009 was the year which I has tried to dismember from any cells in my brain which stored the memories and the nightmares. Hell and wraths, these are the things I get from 2009. There was nothing pleasant about 2009 and I wish 2009 never will re-submerge in my life again; not in this life and the life thereafter. All the pains and the miseries, the despairs I have gone through and the anxiety that I have undertook nearly choked my life and as you can see, part of me has disintegrated, dilapidated and I feel like I am a walking testimony of feeling being crucified.

Yes, I am not worthy to carry the crucifix even at the session of the cross but can you feel my burden, can you feel the lash that hits my flesh and can you even have empathy for my soul? My soul has taken its toll and yet, I manage to heal myself throughout the time of being sad.

My words has never being the rule, they are merely scribbles at the vandalized tomb which you never notice. Have you given a thought and what your conscience told you about me? I am not living with aliases in the day and in the night. I am who I am and I am whom I aimed. Say nothing to me as this weakened body has felt everything life has thrown to it. I never ask for mercy nor submit to your demand. Leave me as I am and I shall render happiness in a way that known to me.

It probably will be the last thing a catholic church wants to hear from and I don’t feel that what I am going through is close as many stigmata as you have read before. But the pain is real and the bitterness of my soul in provoking hatred is here to stay.

I can feel the blood rushing through my head and I can feel the crown made from thorn

I can feel the sound of my bone breaking when I get attached to the crucifix by nails

I can feel the spear thrusting through my limb and my rib

I can feel the warm blood clogging on my linen

I can feel the guilt of the criminals

I can feel the ignorance of the human race;

You cannot feel what I feel, you are here only to witness my destruction and you are documenting my departure. Bid farewell and be joyful of my passing. I wish the pain of the passing and the fore coming karma will serve me better as I am the unwanted and I have being placed among those whom they believed unworthy to attend to.

Friends, I wish to tell you that the joy of spreading happiness has never side me. The least you can do at this very moment are

Give me a breathing space so that I can transform the fear of death into the joy of departure

Give me a fast death so that the pain of dying will not be part of the joyful departure

Give me no humiliation so that my passing wouldn’t be remembered

Give me no mutilation so that I depart as an entity known to you

Give me no fear as I am departing with animals that yearn for love and kindness

Give me no farewell as departure is temporary which is known to the less ignorant

The joy and happiness I once understood has fed away and I am here again wishing you nothing more than a small prayer to set your soul free from being entrapped by fears that made to be believed by many. You are living a superficial matrix which you choose to live.

Liberate yourself and follow me

Deliberately release the shackles you have locked yourself to

Berate injustice serve to yourself but never provoke

Delicate is the ideology we choose to yield

Anger has dispersed and I succumbed to damages and death as a passerby. Year 2009 has made me the victim which left me with nothing but a burnt mark in the diary of my life and the journal of my genealogy.

Emptiness is just a word; emptiness is more than just a feeling.

I am embarking on a journey. Quit tripping!

2010-02-11T04:02:00.001+08:00

I am back now to my old favorite past time where I usually blog at late night. There is nothing sensitive like political issues or racism I want to talk about. It is plain, it is boring and mind you, it is pretty stupid so bear with my writings.

I am not the common asshole you probably see at the street nor I am not just the passerby you have seen and you said, “Déjà vu, I knew him somewhere and some how”. Whining is not what I am good with; all I want to do is to have the freedom to express my thoughts and share my wisdoms.

Half of me will say keep the wisdom to yourself and the other half told me share it. I am in the crossroad for a year to decide either to care or to hell the fuck I fucking care about you. I may sound selfish, I am paranoid and sometimes, I am in the verge of suicidal. Yes, my writings are very suicidal oriented and I cannot detached myself from the dark side of me thinking death is a reborn. Death provides purity and death is divine. On the other hand, I love myself and I love the scriptures. Again, I am in the middle of this crossroad due to my ideology and my age.

For fucking sake, I am reaching 32 and I amaze to find myself still having time to stroke the keyboard keys to send my message to you dear readers. The least I can do is to share my wrongdoings and I still ask your forgiveness if I ever trespass you intentionally or subliminally. I am not a clean cloths and I am not that morbid to be a sinner. I am just an unsung countryman who tries to be less obscene with words and writings.

It is another lonely Tuesday night and I made up my mind, to come back into writing arena to provide you an option of reading style on how suicidal people may think. I am not gothic fan or my dressing codes have any symbols of these genres, I am just putting my pen and try to portray to you what I felt and what I should have done in the pass. Some may think I am another crusty punk rock star who write shit, yeah and no. I am no crusty punk fan but I do write shit! The fuck with your brain mister and missus, you can just close the fucking window and leave. This would be the last sentence you want to read or to be associated with you immersion fool. Fuck you!

If you stay, thank you for your kind ear as I do need attention for my writings. Yeah, this is no trivia and this may sound like the whole summary of the whole shit I have put before this but you opt to continue and I would say thank you for your kind support.

A beautiful girl (in art school)

2010-02-11T04:00:00.001+08:00

Beautiful girl, I saw you again today

I have been with you throughout the day

You and your beautiful avatar stuck there

So beautiful, I hate to say that I do not dare

Well, you are depressed

I know how it feels to be oppressed

It is not part of you that I am obsessed

I am assured that I feel like I am possessed

Your dear self enchants me and I am always dazed

I wish I can take your fear away and make you amazed

I know the distance

I wish I could touch you this very instant

Your heart is so full with passion

I know it is hard with your mission

Beautiful girl, please show resistance

It is a way of remittance

Be calm and stop being reluctant

Put your mind into a constant

The stage is ready and set

You beautiful artwork shall be a gazette

Everything you have known shall be reset

This is your time; your creativity is your asset

Beautiful girl,

When you work, do swirl,

It is your trademark that will yield

And a hallmark in the field

Time will come to a stop,

It is time to pull the knob,

My heart may throb

I know you cannot rob

This is my confession to a crowd

The beautiful girl has no stop

In the time to come,

Be strong be calm,

For you know for once

I have said you are the finest one

The whiskey sip

2010-02-11T03:54:00.006+08:00

After I opened the lid

The sensation burns my lip

It makes my mind on a slip

It also binds my thoughts like a clip

This anger I am trying to get rid

Yes, I am talking too much shit

Indeed, I feel like I am stuck in a pit

I should not address issues like a prick

Nor behave motionless like a brick

I am not full of gimmick

Only this hatred is so thick

I am fed up with your tweet

Which you think is very gay and sweet

It is like talking high on weed

That is why I do not subscribe your stupid feed

Clit, your bloody clit

I feel that you are about to get hit

Do not speak back on desires I have lit

Before I kick, off to the bushes you better sit

Cunt, your smelly cunt

Stop pushing me with your taunt

I am sending a voodoo spirit that will haunt

You may live in days which you can count

Ass, you stinky ass

Your are just merely a lass

I am forgetting about our past

It hardly sticks in my mind, what to say to last

Dick, your fucking dick,

An epitome which makes me sick,

If a fight is what you pick,

Blood is the last thing you will lick

Pussy, your gabbing pussy,

You always being so fussy,

Stop your bags of drama missy,

You are just being a sissy

Cock, your retarded cock

I think your so-called Glock needs a lock

You think every night your drifting dodgy dongle will dock?

Opps! Sadly all females ditched your fixed asset as a mock

Anus, your bowel disease prone anus,

Your writing is getting a D minus

You think your stupid trivia will get us?

You are dead wrong, you lamed leper with puss!

This is the last sip and I am done

It heats me up to the bone

I am drowsy and I shall be gone

Yeah, this stupid poem is sick like none

Peeps!! I am back for more in 2010

2010-02-03T01:33:00.004+08:00

Yeah peeps!

I mean i am back to write for more. What reason I left the whole blog for almost a year?

Facebook killed me! Pet Society killed me.

I overcame FB and i am back to write you stupid postings! If you hate it, take a hike, if you love it, you understand my grieves.

Thanks peeps!

The Bella Tragedy Part II

2009-08-09T02:33:00.002+08:00

I hate the sunshine early in the morning and I hate the weekend. Class is going to be over soon and holiday is just around the corner. Everyone has their own plans. Renny and Claudy have their own summer plan which does include me in their summer vacation at by the beach. I am not sure why this time around I am not searching for anything fun in life. Yes, they are coming back but what does it mean? This is so different as I never hated anyone before but this time I hate meeting anyone especially those fags who always hang around with their toys. I hate manly toys and I hate seeing toys. I flip through the journal and scrap books where I placed all silly cut outs and edited photos of my life. Thinking about it, I am sick to have fun in life. I missed out a year of my life for no reason, I guess some good reason for what my passions are but will dada and mama ever understand this choice I have made?

Gosh, the door is locked all night. Here, I am imprisoning myself and my soul from any attachment in my real life. I pull the blackout blind and I love the darkness. Why am I seeking refuge in darkness as it is summer? I used to hate autumn and winter but now, I can associate the chilling winter and the windy autumn easily. Fuck this feeling, I am going to a bit stronger today. Perhaps, sucks!! It is Saturday evening; I am lazing around for no reason.

I admit that I procrastinated my daily routines these days because I am sick, so sick of being me. My name is Bella, and I am sick of my life and I hate my fore coming days. I wish to have my life back and the person who means to me so much back. I am taking all this crap shit for no fucking reason and why on earth I am still Bella when I do not look like Bella now. I gaze myself on this make up mirror and I see someone else who is similar to Bella but definitely she is not Bella.

Is she Marie, Jane or Fantasia? Sounded very much like Fantasize with Marijuana. I wish that Bella in the mirror is with Renee and Claudy running at the beach and chasing dreams. I remember the time when we just being ourselves. I remember the time we spend since we are kids and since we ever being this close. I know he stole me away somehow from you all but then will you need apology from me? I guess I am selfish not to apologize for the lame things I have done. I reach the phone and I think to myself, why we are best friends when I take time to remember back your number if I never would press the phone contact list? Why? Why? Why? I need you dearest Claudy and Renee here now.

Time and destiny has separated us dearest Claudy. I still not so sure why I am sitting among strangers everyday and being happy? Being in love is like drug, everything is beautiful and everything seems to be so nice. I hardly compute the people I hate and tabulate a category of group of people I hate. I miss the naughty talk we used to have 20 months ago Claudy. We have not the chance to do it and I guess it is not late to this again my dear friend. My thumb freezes from pressing your number because it would come to a surprise if you hear that I am missing old days we have. I think, I better skip this conversation until evening. I am much better charged for good conversation during the dark. As for now, I will have to check updates.

Urgh! Yeah something from that Papa and I wonder what is he after now. I wish I know what he up to everyday. My best friends are far and sometime it takes me some guts to tell them things but not with Papa. It is easier for me to tell him things as he is not here and he does not know me personally. I need someone to talk to me and being anonymous is very much preferred as I can be frank without being discovered. I move my fingers slowly and it hurts. It hurts from what I did last night; the crack from the fish bowl really hurts my fingers. I think by now I am numb from any possible pain. I just need to keep the reply short and I guess I will make myself look offline. Avoid all those typing and replying. These books, oh God; many assignments are still pending. I wish I am going to end this semester undeterred and maintain my course to achieve my targets. I am happy three weeks ago with the presentation I did but will I manage this time. God knows!

Gazing at the ceiling, for a million time; you bloody ceiling is taunting me with images of the past and you make submit to evilness and empowered by demons! I hate you, bloody ceiling. With that reference book in my hand, it is really hard to flip a page without a single curse and every page is filled with some scribbles. I hate those scribbles and I hate the sketches I did. It is ugly and fugly; definitely and ultimately a joke of my life for adoring something which is not mine anymore. Pain and love collided in that particular moment when you say the horrendous things I would ever imagine.

I flip couple of pages more and I slam those bloody text book. Why am I taking studies which actually cannot help me with myself at these hours? Will I ever be able to help other? People may rubbish me and brand me as text book girl but then who cares.

Hey! Papa drops me another note. Yeah funny! I typed and said I am laughing out loud and if he can see that I am not. Nah! He would care too but then it seems that he cares. Well, I should not be busy with that. How am I going to go through thing very long day? Mama called me a couple of time and Dada is quite worry with the way I am behaving lately. They know I am sad but they yet to know what kind of hell I am going through today and the days before. I will write anything my diary as I may not risking the possibilities of making the sorry for what I have lost and worrying me more than what they have been worrying now. I am mature lady but why am I surrendering when such images of evil appear? What is wrong with me?

It is Sunday tomorrow and I am not sure I am going to Church. Who is going to convince me that Abba will answer my prayer? Cristo, Christ, you name it, will He come to save me and purify me from all evil thought and revitalized my soul so that it will be strong to go through the days again?

I think it is wiser to read back what Papa has wrote to me but why should I be bothered? No one understands me more than I understand myself. Damn! Now I only notice that Claudy stick bubble gums under my table. I managed to curve a small smile on my face. I think I would be lucky today because I have just smile. Well, how would I be today?

The Bella Tragedy

2009-08-09T00:06:00.003+08:00

It is a dark night and laying here at the balcony, I feel suicidal and I feel the agony. I feel the pain and I feel the thrust of deadly immortal curse. Glance up above to the dark night and looking for the North Star, yet I cannot find it; I am stuck with this emotion. It is collision of two waves from two different oceans and the warm breeze intertwines with my conscience.

What is a dark night?

What is being alone here in my room being so depress?

What will happen tomorrow and what will happen to me the day after?

I have been sipping these alcohols and it does not make this pain go away easily. My breathing is getting slow, as slow and mellow as my life is now. Memories flashing back of those good times we have together. I wish there is another way I could take this bitterness other than to lie here helplessly and I wish I have a soul mate to tell me how to get over with this sickness. I am sick and I have not dare to admit I am sick for I believe in putting a show to convince others that I am alright.

As you have seen me, what have done for me? Are you going to add more thorns and hurt me more after going through this dilemma? Prayers; I guess I have grown accustomed to it as I have been talking to all angels and saints. Where am I? I saw the North Star now and it is bright and blinking among those heavenly universes. Now, I am wondering why I sought for North Star. What is with North Star and what in the name of blasphemy idols am I looking for it?

I wish it would bring me to away into beautiful matrices of dimension unseen, unfelt and unknown to human so that I can see myself in the future years. I wish, I hope and I pray, only to find myself digging into deeper despair. Am I cursed, have I sinned or have I been destined to be left alone.

I roll over the cold balcony, looking for my pack of cigarettes and damn, I cannot find my bloody lighter. In darkness, I fondle all over myself for that bloody lighter. Even a simple lighter is a great task for me. I hope it would be easier for me. I found that pink lighter and I light it up and inhale deeply. My body suddenly feels easy and my eyes close tight. I am trying to have my wondering soul back into my body. Where have my soul wondered before this and why am I allowing my soul to wonder far. The ash from the cigarette fallen on to my chin wake me up. In the cold night, I perspire heavily. I feel sorry for my body for taking all this beating and I feel my body been battered and bruised through time.

Love is painful and love is like a razor, it slit through my skin into my vein and I am nothing but a bloody carcass rotting in the darkness of the night. I love the night and I shall cast spell to keep this serene night longer and I hate sunshine. Sunshine, you are cruel. You are so cruel as you have witness this tragedy. Cupid, why did you apprehend me to the Beelzebub, the unholy beast that feasts on misery? Why did you forsake your loyal believer? Why did you lead me here and abandon me? I am indeed suffering of the coldest days in my life and I wish I am back to my warm house and showered with love. Why, why, why Almighty Father? Why did you forsake your child? I am that prodigal sheep, am I? If I am my Father, please pick me up and bring me home. I am too weak to walk again in the middle of the night through the thick forest where evils and beast have been haunting me. I am too hungry for love and I am too thirsty for wine made from fermented love and desire.

Regardless of what I have been shouting and screaming, I am still alone here in my room; at my balcony. I trusted love to bring me closer to you Father. Rabbi, you are my teacher and my mentor, why I am forsaken this way here. I throw the burnt out cigarette butt away. It fell down all the way 10 storeys down and, that remind me of being me now. I wish I could fall down and sway away at the moment I nearly hit the floor and die of impact with my burst lung and bloody skull by angels. Still, I am just being suicidal again.

I walk passed the half opened door to my bed and I can see images that have torn me apart. Diabolical spirits may posses me now as I am holding my pocket knife. The thought of being dead has actually filled my mind and I just want to get through this tragedy. I reach for the plastic flower which I usually love to have beside the Bible and the teddy bear which I always hug to sleep. Unnoticed, I stabbed my teddy bear yet this feeling is not getting any better. Please someone out there, my angels have forsaken me and taking lives of my teddy bears have not makes me any better. I hurt my palm again for holding the broken bowl which housed the fishes which we used to call by our names.

I slam my body onto the bed; peeping through the blanket I still see your images. Is there any portion which I can use similar to Holy Water to sprinkle around to diminish your evil image? You are taking me hostage and I feel very much like in the castle tower keep captive for years. I wish you can bring me to your dungeon and settle all my dues to set me free. Please set me free, even if I have to loose my life. I can loose my life but I cannot take it for another round of battering in your tower.

I can go through public humiliation
I can stand the pain of public torture
I can make it easy for any public execution

But having your image around and a simple leather lash, I guess I cannot take it any longer, please take my offer and my life in lieu of these sufferings that you have put me through.

I can feel my cold tears running down through my cheek and down to my palm as I pray so that Father can restore my exhausted soul. When will this journey will end, Abba? Abba, why am I left so alone?

I slowly stretch my body and lay down for a while and suddenly my hand banged the table. I can see the ceramics item rattled and the photo frame fell down. The picture of us and the shattered glass scattered on the floor. I will not be bothered and I suddenly I notice there is a bright light coming from the table.

The computer was not turn off. I make an effort to extend my arm and now my limb to move nearer to the computer to turn that machine off. I hate lights and I believe lights to guide me back home will never be here. I can wait for years to have my lucky comets to make another pass so that I could make a wish to have my life back.

In dizziness, I saw some red indicator at the bottom of the screen. I hate it! It remind me the past but I dared myself to click it. I walk among the broken glasses and I feel some pain, it is the broken glasses. There are 10 new updates, nothing much except for a name I am familiar.

He is..

He is my friend whom I have spoken for these couple of days and probably he understands me more than others. My best friends are far away and I wish they are here but I think I can settle with him.

He gave me strength but what is strength if he did feel the effort I made?

He said the right things but did he know me thoroughly?

He smiles in his photos but did he know how sad I am today?

He tried to walk me home but I am willing to go home as I wished?

He touches me in everywhere but is he very near to feel how I feel today?

Something somewhere and somehow, someone at the other side of the world is feeling me. Why is he in touch with my soul when I myself very hard to connect to my inner self. Who is he?
Abba, can you tell me who is he? Can he help me? Can I just put the whole things to him and see if he is the right person you have sent to rescue me from drowning in my own whirling pool of evil thoughts?

Please answer me Abba. You are my Father and You see thing others do not see. My eyes are getting heavy and I am worn off for being in this state of mind.

The Soldier Love Letters

2009-08-07T11:49:00.003+08:00

These are some of the Love Letter which I composed for fun but I was in the mood. Backtrack to http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=467860&post=7071020&uid=38473759174#topic_top

Vee (Soldier's Fiance)

hmm both Ryan and Imp have forsaken me.... they jilted my feelings and now Im
No one loves me *sobs*

Me (Soldier)

Ohh dear..
I can tell you the star the moon the sea the monkey and the crabs but i cant.. you are too precious to be mine.

My priority is the war dear.. The war against the Mayor.. i rather have you crying as you peeling off the petals and counting days when i would return than to see you cry and watch over my bodies for three nights. My soul cant take it when i see you sad....

Vee (Soldier's Fiance)

Well my soul is sad now

Me (Soldier)

This is war my dear.. It is the darkest hours of our life.. the war would be over soon.. I cant promise you i could

Hug you as i lost my hands saving my commrades from shread mills
Kiss you as I lost my face disarming mines
Caress you as I lost my fingers to frostbites
Stroll with you by the beach as my Limb charging forward for the Nation
Piggyback you as i hurt my spine sleeping in the fox hole

One thing i promise you when the war is over.. my heart is yours forever, love me and keep me as who I am and never compare me to others as I have the biggest heart for my most beautiful darling of my life

Me (Soldier)

Dearest Soldier's Fiance,

Every letter i write to you maybe the last, i seal it with roses so that you cant smell the stain of this bloody war. I always keep the silliest wire ring you made for me at the port and if i die, bury me with that ring for i know, love is not expensive, the price of sacrifice is ultimately expensive.

I will go for the last mission for this week at 1400 Hour. I am posting this letter now and if i make it dear, i will send another one the moment i reach this bunker.
Love,

Soldier In Love

Vee (Soldier's Fiance)

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

ever thine
ever mine
ever ours

Me (Soldier)

Dearest sugar-pop,

I hope you are fine. I made it for this particular mission but sadly i am broken inside. My body is hurt by those barbwires and bombs but nothing hurt me more than a photo of you torn off when i was nearly bayonetted by some crazy enemies.

I am going to have some coffee and biscuits hun and i surely do miss the pineapple pie you make me last summer.

Love,
Lovestrucked

Vee (Soldier's Fiance)

Dearest Lovestrucked,

The pain I'd feel when your body is hurt and mind exhausted is no more less painful than the actual pain you're experiencing. The love I have for you has none diminished and I long to see you walk through that door with arms wide open lovingly beckoning me to you.

Forever waiting,
Undiminished love

Me (Soldier)

My dearest,

As a believer of our true love, i took my time to mesmerize all the things we have been through. The summer at the hill, running across the prairie, hugging you as we taking care of those lovely sheep and swimming our secret creek. This war seems to be worthless and it happen sooner than i thought.

As my heart beats awkwardly today, let me tell you something my dear. I have determined to make you my wife and I am scared i wouldnt able to whisper it to you at the Eiffel Tower. I hid a key at the oak tree where we use to dream of our future. They key of a small humble house which i choose to make it our home. I build a large farm behind it where i hope one day our kids can play.

I want to grow old with you my dear. I hope this war will not cut short my dream to have you in my hand wasting our last bit of live together. In case I did not make it, please remember that you are always in my heart and your name it skin deep. Deeper than the tattoo in my chest bearing your name and your potrait.

I pray that faith will keep us together. I will come back and I will try to stay alive to be home, to swap you and swear i will never be departed from you again.

Love and Hugs, kisses and smooches!
your teddy at war

Vee (Soldier's Fiance)

My angel, my all, my very self
Only a few words today and at that with pencil (with yours)
Not till tomorrow will my lodgings be definitely determined upon
what a useless waste of time
Why this deep sorrow when necessity speaks
can our love endure except through sacrifices, through not demanding everything from one another; can you change the fact that you are not wholly mine, I not wholly thine
Oh God, look out into the beauties of nature and comfort your heart with that which must be
Love demands everything and that very justly
Thus it is to me with you, and to your with me. But you forget so easily that I must live for me and for you; if we were wholly united you would feel the pain of it as little as I
My journey was a fearful one; I did not reach here until 4 o'clock yesterday morning. Lacking horses the post-coach chose another route, but what an awful one; at the stage before the last I was warned not to travel at night; I was made fearful of a forest, but that only made me the more eager
and I was wrong. The coach must needs break down on the wretched road, a bottomless mud road. Without such postilions as I had with me I should have remained stuck in the road.
Esterhazy, traveling the usual road here, had the same fate with eight horses that I had with four
Yet I got some pleasure out of it, as I always do when I successfully overcome difficulties
Now a quick change to things internal from things external. We shall surely see each other soon; moreover, today I cannot share with you the thoughts I have had during these last few days touching my own life
If our hearts were always close together, I would have none of these. My heart is full of so many things to say to you - ah - there are moments when I feel that speech amounts to nothing at all
Cheer up - remain my true, my only treasure, my all as I am yours. The gods must send us the rest, what for us must and shall be

Your faithful

Me (Soldier)

Angel in the midst of the night,

It is late and i am at the cease fire zone. I feel safe. I feel blessed. I feel you. I feel Vee. I feel God. Thanks for the prayers and I know the angels around whom you sent are protecting me. I can feel the warm of my blood running down from my fresh wound, it never be even as painful as you yearning for me and me crying missing you.

God may keep us separated for these moments but trust me and have faith in angels and saints, they will reunite us back my dear. You may thought that i have joked when i call you angel. It is not me loosing names, it is just you purely an angel.

I knew the time i spend courting you is worth it. I will be back and once again, we can dance in the rain and kiss. Yeah, your lips taste like the dew of the early morning and your eyes, i am speachless.

Wish i can shout your name out to release this unbearable yearning but i guess, it is this hand who do most of the talking.

My love, it is getting late and i know you will be reading this letter for a couple of time but then remember dear, i think of you a million time.

Love,
Puppy in love

Me (Soldier)

Dear,

A soldier have less than a minute to put all his thought in the day. I am thinking of you everyday, i feel you everyday and i smell you everyday. People say i am a crazy puppy in love and i speak different language. I dont speak different language dear, I speak the language of adoring you.

I cannot find any other more satisfying and time consuming art work or craft other than to think of you. Far at the horizon, my friends adore the sceneries, the rainbow, the sunset and the stars. I do not dear. At the horizon i see you in the wedding gown waiting for me.

What is beauty if it is not you wearing your smile?
What is art if it is not you walking toward me and kiss me?
What is language if you dont speak a word and make me understood?
What is life if you are not beside me?

dear, my flesh rots but soul is dead. what keep me alive is a hope to return to your embrace and tell you how much i love you and pleading for forgiveness if i ever did hurt you.

We are apart but my heart beats in the same rythm as yours. It says,"I love you".

The lonely soldier

Vee (Soldier's Fiance)

You've captured my heart the moment you stole my breath away to sustain your beautiful writings.....

You've captured my soul when I read the first sentence that skipped my heartbeat

You've got me falling, deeper than any hole on this earth.

You've got me spinning in circles, swooning with just that sentence which says so much.

You've captured me. Wholly.

Me (Soldier)

Dearest,

I am not a poet, I write a language of us
I am not an artist, I paint the picture of our past
I am not a singer, I hum chants and prayers to keep you safe and warm
I am not an architect, I just want to build our dream

I am just a soldier, stuck in the theatre
I am the boy that you have seen back at town
I am the guy you date for years
I will be back and..
I am the man to shoulder your pain and burden everyday

I hope that the pledge you have whispered shall cast away my pain, shall sway away my loneliness and shall brighten my dull days for i will be surviving to get home once again to you arm and hoping for a chance for me once more; say

I am yours and I love you

Trusting Angels and Azimuthing by Faith

Me (Soldier)

Dear,

The night has nearly come to an end
My broken heart who will mend?

my language of a simple man
reminding you i am just plain
everynight my sould in vain
my thoughts of you put me in pain
tears falling down like rain
still, my shattered heart; who will mend?

Vee (Soldier's Fiance)

One fine day you will find a lass
who will dry your tears and kiss the pain away
Mend your soul to be whole again
For now my love the dawn is calling
My eyes rest heavily with tears Ive cried in vain
So I bid you farewell and may angels bring you sweet dreams

Adieu my love

Lovingly Smitten

Me (Soldier)

my honey cupcake,

the dawn is here,
i am hoping she hear,
i am your teddy bear,
whispering love to your ear

your bear

Apology people

2009-02-13T21:57:00.001+08:00

Hey all,

I am bit out of control over facebook games so please hold your horses. Anyway, i am happy everyday. I have nothing to complain and lots to laugh.

I can't write if i am not aggitated.

Yeah! I do get aggitated with my own company. They just check-mated themselves. Hahaha. I will tell you more one day

Worst time of the year, for sure!

2008-11-21T18:34:00.007+08:00

I guess I felt like mushroom; stupid, pathetic, kept in the dark, worthless, dumb and fed with shit. I am not so sure why I felt so but it has been a bad bad bad weekend for me. Imagine your weekend suppose to be filled with parties and naked chicks and so. That is all so far away from what happened during last few days. It is like shit! Enough about the shit!

I suppose to be using my brain last Saturday and Last Wednesday but instead, I wore a dune head. Shit! 18th November suppose to be a memorable birthday. I suppose to have no complain in my life. I should go and do thinks right. I should be drinking. Perhaps I should have sex. Nothing close to this.

What happen is I am spending my birthday with my cousin in a blue color cabin which is about 100 sq feet, killing our time doing the SWAT and Terrorist photo cover. Erghh! It was thrilling and seriously, would you do that to kill your time? It is Friday and I am not looking forward into the weekend as the days in Labuan simply pass by. Nothing that could set eagerness in my life until 7.30pmon Wednesday.

My papa got lucky and won a ticket. Yeah! It is normal. Nothing is abnormal to win the first price and what is even normal is he bought a ringgit worth of ticket. Okay, fine. That is good and that is pretty lucky for a man of his age. My dad is a stingy man as money does not come easy for him. I am happy for him since he used almost similar amount of money for my newly furnished home.

It was 15th November, he strike first price ticket and that seems to be like the rest of everyone's day. I am actually having dinner at KK. I was having fucking big massive gigantic crab for only Rm13.50/kg. Seriously, it is a good dinner for three for less than RM40 considering I also have wild boar and deer as complimentary dish. Then I got a call from my mum saying my dad striked 4D. I followed the tune and try to be part of joy striking a ticket. So?

It was 16th November. A day my dad striked his ticket and they are having a pleasant dinner around town. It is his Birthday, 56th Birthday and he is not look like any normal goon at the street. He is well groom although he did not wear any designer label cloths. He just look good with his Levis and Tshirts.

We reached Labuan on the 17th November. It is boring ride. I think I met this Marsha Milan Londoh but I do not give a damn. I am smoking on the outside top deck as I enjoy the ride. Who need ticket for a seat when you can actually enjoy the ride at the deck of the ferry.

It was 18th November. Yahoo! It is my birthday and so as my mum's. I was having a jolly good day. Skip my dinner with a friend since I am tired and took a nap. Work up a bit late but just good enough to start a photo session of SWAT, Abu Sayyaf and Hamas. Impersonating them and snapped up to hundreds of photos. Yeah! No one may belief me but that is what we did. It is a boring night and Labuan; so dead!!! I got a reminder from my younger brother to wish my mum and dad happy birthday. I intended to do them videos but due to circumstances, I resorted to sending them ecards wishing them good luck and filled with joy and wealth. Earlier, I got "God bless you" birthday wish from them.

Wednesday seems to be like every ordinary day. Woke up late and have nothing in our mind. I purchased a website domain for my cousin and we managed to set up the website. Until a friend which I have taken raincheck for the dinner last night came by my office. Have a pleasant chat but time is running out. I got hijacked for close to an hour discussing things. Previously as we surf the net for the domain name, we came across with astrological website and we manage to get ourselfsome random number. We have been talking about the strike my dad have won. It was the number of both me and my dad's car. It is 8878.

I get out after ousting my friend and rush to buy the number. It was drizzling and I have forgotten my number list. I ran back and got me and my cousin a raincoat. In the rain, we walked to the 4D kiosk and indeed we look like yellow Digi geanie. Purchase ourself the number and faithfully I forgot to buy my car plate. Buying 4D is like once in a blue moon activity for me and I have never fail to buy the regular number including my car plate. Then, we move to the liquor store nearby and purchase ourself a RM5/bottle wine. Happy about it and get back home to try it.

It was dark and I lay down for a while. Telling my cousin that I have a good feeling about the Mega Toto and the number I have bought. I said I may got a few number right. I am feeling extremely comfortable like never before. After a while, I check the website for result.

At first glance I thought the result still did not change so I tried to click on other link at the website. It was frozen. Surprise, surprise. How come it freezed? I took a look at the website, it still display 8878 as first price. This cannot be right, it was drawn last week. I refresh couple of time and I saw asterix on the number board. It is drawing numbers. Ohhh my holly shit! 8878 comes out again. Second time, 8878 strike the first spot. Ohh!

Dear, I reach for the phone and call them. I ask them to check just incase my computer is not updating. They checked it. Yeah! 8878 strikes first prize again. Damn! I got scolding for the whole night for not buying my own car plate number. I felt like I failed my public exam. Goodness gracious! I have been a moron for not buying my own car plate. I am furious and I am frustated. But what can I do?

I cannot bear this time for not trying 8878. So today I went early to buy hopefully I would secure 8878, a number so dear to the family. A day and a half to draw, I queued up for that number. I have the idea this number will not come out again but I just try. Just incase of any godly possibilities. To my frustration again, the number is a sold out. Left me with my dad's motorbike number.

I hope that 8878 will not resurface and basically make me feel like got booted in my ass! Please 8878, do not come out now until I purchase you! Hehehehhe. Damn it!

Contractors!

2008-11-12T03:11:00.001+08:00

I am actually pissed with the reality that even if we did good, some people simply just try to abuse you for their benefit. I mean I am so pissed at the contractor that I am monitoring right now.

I am a person who actually highly believe in moral value and self integrity. I found it pretty amusing that many good people are easily exploited and being used. I cannot believe that being professional in my job can be really frustrating. Construction industry indeed is a industry that usually associated with corruption or so. But as for me, the definition of being corrupt does not associate the industry but the person who intend to be a corrupt. For the project that I have being working on now, I have a professional relationship and I have been assisting them to get what the contract need and what they need to do to achieve quality product.

I have never actually accept any form of reward that would favor them during the construction work and therefore I am not a corrupted person. But through the course of time, as stipulated in the contract document; I actually entitle safety fittings and provisions as I actually conduct inspection at site without being bias which actually risking me of falling. I did not receive the best of fittings particularly the substandard safety life jacket. It took them a million years to get what I want just to ensure my safety as I perform my duty. They shift the blame of not helping by refusing to inspect their work. I mean of course, safety is the main priority and hello, the record shows that there is no inspection request for that period of time. I have not delayed their work. Their negligence actually screwed them up. Can you imagine, I have to remind them especially their Managing Director about the Environmental Act 1994 where organization or individual can be penalize up to Rm50k or/and jail for contravenes safety aspect at work site. Needless to say the clause in contract. I will be shying away if I am reminded like this as a contractor who specified such act in their own Project Quality Plan.

After contravene my request as stipulated in the contract by preparing a realistic masterwork program and also histogram of workers for the project, they finally found out that they are behind schedule once their own engineer did the work program under my free tutoring. They said repair work is non-critical in schedule and therefore master work program is surely useless and baseless. They found out that actually Microsoft Project do shows Critical Path Method analysis regardless if that work is a repair work. The contract document stipulated directly or indirectly where time is of the essence. Once they found out that they need up to 1800% workers by December and they cannot level their workers, they start to back themselves up by blaming the consultant team. Of course, Extension of Time is their only mean and I doubt it they can finish even if they are granted. The client can grant extension by changing the completion date but have they change their attitude of bringing the project to a successful completion?

Gravely enough, the record shows their initial act of not putting effort in their planning. Now, got screwed in the meeting and repeatedly showing their stupidity in meeting; they are now in the verge of killing themselves. I would not put in details but they actually cannot do anything but to die together with the project just like animal in the slaughterhouse. Queuing up in line to suffer a painful to watch death execution. I am yet to scrutinize their possibility of finishing the project on time but any layman will shake their head when they have a look at their S-curves. Needless to say being a coward for not showing the physical progress graph instead hoping the financial progress graph would camouflage them.

After that, they go against the contract openly by ignoring the contractual need. A trial mix which cost them approximately Rm100 a batch is a problem. After delivered their goods, it took them two months to conduct mandatory trial. They choose to idle. They did not expect it as they did not go through the contract. Time has been wasted and the possibility of non-conformance is really there. Then, the last batch of logistic came in which are suspects when I have inspected since it did not conform the specs they have earlier submitted. Who is actually, deliberately, irresponsibly, obstinately and arrogantly delayed the processes which contributed to the delay of the project?

I found it is amazing that a contractor who do not need to bribe officers would actually be so unscrupulous enough to be negligence about safety at site. Regardless of the contract document and the by-laws, the contractor just continue with their obstinate mindset and deliberately delaying their own project. I have to help their young 'cikus' to actually learn Microsoft Project in order to finish up their task even up to 3am for almost a week. If not because of that, they would never get their eyeballs popped out from their socket and declared self-proclaim state of emergency.

What really bothers me is their attitude.

They are negligence with their work progress.
They are not good if not lacking in legal bindings and by-laws.
They are not good in interpreting English correspondence.
But worst, they are not treating me correctly.

After finding out that their progress at site is behind schedule, they now going on to blame the consultant for their delay. I was surprised that I am targeted as I hold authority at my site. They have set up dirty tricks where they have deliberately send correspondence last minute; a day before the Site meeting and on the same day of the technical meeting. Worst, they backdated the whole thing a week ago in responding to my correspondence two months ago. This is actually an act of submission of their own true color in handling their project if they are clever enough to know what they are actually doing.

Of course I nearly caught off guard but thanks to the Internet and since I cannot be separated from my computer. I found their incoming fax just before I left for dinner. I have to spend my time until late morning to prepare counter answers. It is easy since I have done my job accordingly. Only that it took my precious time as typing back the whole clause from the contract and Acts is time consuming. I am not agitated with their respond since their are amateur in construction but I am pissed with the way they treat me back with fucked-up attitude. They say they have to do so to save their company (in my expense?)

I have been understanding but I am not in breach of my professional contract. I also found it amusing how they would go about to achieve their goal in a stupid way by actually exposing their self to the possibility of being a lame, slow, incompetence yet acceptable contractor in the industry. Needless to say the legal aspect of it.

They should have forgotten. If they think that they have the (limited) knowledge in compiling for Extension of Time after deliberately delaying their own job, I also keep their Lost of Time sheet. So we see how they can go about it since I am very transparent. Anyway the client knows their acts and I have the record to prove them so. I also have records of being a good assistant to the client by making sure the work execute to the client's requirement without delays. A contractor have to juggle about three elements and these are quality, cost and time. They have to make sure any of these will not be sacrifice during the construction period.

Since I am not a corrupt, I will maintain professional ethics and will not be lenient in conducts. It is blatantly an act of being an hard-headed, selfish yet obstinate contractor and they will get what they deserve; no more tutoring for their personnel. No more free late night tutoring for their incompetent personnel and they would have to deal with the project like every other contractor; to be independent in processing their responsibility. No more! No more! Anyway it is not stipulated in the contract that I have to tutor their chaps.

I will not be sympathetic by not guiding them in engineering knowledge after office hours and I surely be much happier spending my time surfing and upgrading my knowledge alone at the night. They can go and fly kite with their boss. I mean it is their problem for being an engineer without the knowledge of CADs.

For now, I need time for myself to reflect if I am too exposed when I have been very warm to the contractor. I am pissed but I will still remain as a professional.

Talking about Class C contractor from KL and try to play the blaming game, they will never be on par with me who has been a contractor for almost 8 years now. All their dirty trick is in my sleeve however I will not be broken down emotionally but to continue as a professional.

I am proud that I am not corrupted or else I will be shredded dead meat. Thank God that I still have integrity within me. This keep me rolling all these years with good resume and past projects portfolio.

GROs and Prostitutes...

2008-11-07T00:54:00.010+08:00

I am not sure but today I felt pretty awkward as my fellow acquaintances in dropping by at Labuan and surely I am not the person who have been looking forward to party all night or what so ever indulgement. Got a call and gets up after a lazy day reading the welding standard for tomorrow inspection as I need to touch up some issues regarding Submerge Arc Welding. Uhh, pretty stressing to read when you are preparing for next week meeting. Screw it! I am happy I finished up my wacky gold theme park design but I did not manage to render it.

Meeting was scheduled for Tuesday. I was darn happy and I thought it is possible for me to go back for a weekend rest. Imagine being at Labuan for more than a month is pretty shitty. Nothing much here, except for beer tasting and a chicken rice shop opposite my office. Also not to forget the cheap Mamak stall I finally found near my house. Then I got a bad news and it took me a lot of time to reconcile my planned journey with my love one. I love her but then, what can I do. The previous month meeting was scheduled to this month and bad enough my Boss rescheduled her trip from Tuesday to Monday together with the Quantity Surveyor.

I managed to convince her but I cannot lie to myself on how much I really wanted to go back home to breath the air at my balcony situated at the foot a hill especially on the lazy Saturday. Not to say the shopping spree which I missed the most.

I slow down my pace as I have ample time to do other paperwork over the weekend and one particular attraction that really kept me at Labuan. Football match between Man Utd and Arsenal. I did pay my Astro bill, however the RM180 charge for connecting the astro decoder to the dish is yet to be paid to the installer. It is a rip off. I did tweaked with the cable but it is worthless. I assume they have another hidden switches around since my neighbour have yet to move in and install their Astro. I can watch it through the net with some Spanish duded as commentators. Damn it!

Then after a while slowing down and reading the articles, my acquaintance gave me a call. I promise to have dinner with him and a few others. I turn up at the restaurant and have a nice Chinese dinner. Food was not that great as at back home, Kuching. At least this was a completely different meal compare to the shit I have wreck for weeks.

Spoken and advising some the older friends legally and technically about some of their issues. An Oil & Gas consultant, another businessman and my acquaintances . Yeah, basically I am the main attraction since I like to talk and filled with ideas and stories. Alpha male? Nah! They indeed keen of my ideas and basically storming ideas with me. My advice seems to be precious to them. They almost got trap and submit themselves to a scandalous issue of installation at Oil rigs. It is mater of time they get sued.

After a pleasant dinner, we walk the consultant to the taxi stand as he nearly miss boarding his flight. We proceed to the nearest restaurant. To my great surprise, they actually plan to have beer at the pub instead of the coffee shop. Damn! I wish it was a coffee shop as I trust my gut in closing a few deals when I chat with any businessman. My thought was gone. Hope faded away. There we are, entering the pub. OK now, this is not they way I feel like to spend the whole night.

A pub is not a place for me as I cannot close deal with the sound of loud music. If I am in a bistro, I still could do some talking with the ambiance of Blues and Jazz. I told my acquaintance to sit at a table a little bit distance from the loud speaker. I am not under the influence of ecstasy pills so loud music do me more harm than good. I ordered for any draft beer or a Budweiser. As what I have predicted, they did not have any draft beer and Budweiser. I requested for an alternate choice, the Heineken. Cool, four small bottles and we are ready to go. I have a slow drink as I start to chat. I pointed some area which I really want to make clear for tomorrow inspection. I trust he would do as what I have pointed out and I leave the rest to be done accordingly at my site. My site, my territory and my law. No one encroach or else you get memo from me. It is equally a good roundhouse kick into your jaw several fashions as you are tied to a Rambutan tree infested with red ants.

The contractor's Boss is a cum-wet-bitch. He ignored my oral request as what stipulated in the contract document and being a sissy for talking through shit holes. He fired blanks and this time I slapped him with a thirty five pages worth of memo. This includes a copy of penalty which I extract out from the Local Authorities Act which actually resulted him doing time at jail and a Rm50k fine. Not to say the termination of his contract he hardly understood. I hate losers. I hate posers. I hate retards and I do hate lamer.

He backed up for a while and now is trying to buy some more time before eventually get me what I actually wanted, a safety jacket. I do not like to work with pussies. It is irritating and it is tiring. It is stupid and it is a waste of time. You should never try to put me into a scenario of being agitated. That would be the last thing you can opt for when you are confronting a man with vast knowledge and legal know hows.

As I gulp my beer and almost engage into a fruitful conversation, GROs start to sit around. I actually reject it as I do not condone such activities. As a respect, I wish to finish my beer and walk off with good yet sarcastic excuses. It did not materialized. The girl sat beside me and I was looking up at the TV screen. I am not acting as if I am God. I just do not have the mood for all this as I really love my darling. All I want is to make more money and a yearly vacation trip to paradise. As I nearly empty my bottle, he ordered Chivas Regal. Duh! I have to go through the ordeal of a Chivas. He promised a Famous Groose the next round as this is quite spontaneous. I smile and told him I will be fine with Chivas. I start to sip neat whiskey. As I start to talk to them, they are already occupied by their girls. So I am left with a girl beside me. I am trying to buy my way out. No way Jose. I am stuck!

So, just go through it. Just being nice, say hello to her and just have a drink. I look at her. She is pretty and thank God she speaks good English. At least someone who can converse rather than a wall dressed up with laces. I was looking at her and I told her that I have a good friend at KK and he is from the Philippine as well. I got to know she is a Tagalog from Manila. As we chat and I asked general issues about Philippine such as the geography and race, she end up explaining the difference between Visayas and the Bisaya. Okay I did get it wrong when I think that Visayas only inhibit at Luzon. Hahhaa. I am being sincere in telling you my silly bumps and stupidity as well.

We conversed more about the Philippine and nothing really shows up except that I am repeating some of the older stories I heard from my friend and she reaffirming it. That is the best way to kill my time although it is a lame thing to do. What do you expect me to do? Fondle her and say love is all around and I see stars? No!

Suddenly, she told me that, somehow she can actually speaks Japanese. Wow, instead of ditching her as an unholy object of lust or so; I found myself amazed. I was trying to learn Japanese since I am eleven and I hardly read Chinese. There in front of me, a Tagalog who can actually converse in Japanese. This time, I pull myself and face her instead of glancing at her and talk. I know that is rude but I just do not want any unforeseen things to happen since we men are susceptible to sexual offers and pornycation. It is easier to turn down rather than to feel guilty after hours of reflection. I think she is different and I thought to myself, why not try to have a warmer conversation. After all, If Jesus did save a prostitute from being stoned to death; who am I to be rude and crude to a girl even though she had a very nasty job.

We continue to chat and we get more fond of each other and to my laughter we are gossiping like girls. Wow, I never thought I would do that. Actually, she is also a Catholic and that makes me feel that something is not right. I continued to talk to her as she exposed more of her stories. She told me about his Portuguese boyfriend at KL. I felt like I am talking to a lost friend except for the pushy mama-san, the grandmother of whore pimp. A tomboy who wear and dance like a man who keep of pushing me to gulp my whiskey. I hate people interfering with my whiskey as I enjoy to sip my whiskey and the after taste. I see people who do that to me as rude. Fuck you 50 years old retirement-golden-age pimp. You should enjoy cheaper passage offered by MAS and travel the world. Goddamn it!!

We continue to chat; unsure but I did end up with giving her quality advice which I deem as something for those who worthy and deserving enough to me. I do not give that quality of advice to my contractor's engineer as his boss is a big fucking acne between my balls. I actually persuade her to be a tourist guide at Kota Kinabalu. If you are living in KK, you know how many Japs and Korean are around. People with her ability are priceless in the tourism field. I told her to finish her contract which lasted another ten more months and move on with better prospect.

Ten months is actually a long, tormenting and aching period of time if you work in this nasty field. Considering it as the oldest profession in the world. I do not think her boyfriend could actually buy out her contract with the price tag of RM16k. I was shocked and actually partly angry. I mean a Chinese man can actually live by abusing girls into prostitution. I would die in starvation during a human rights rally rather hurting people. I hardly abuse animal except for block-headed flies who fly around my cabin. Sometime the sweaty contractors come into my cabin with extra ordinary guess, the flies.

She actually could make it into tourism either in the hotel industry or being a tourist guide. She told me she understand basic and even write. Viola! She actually worth more than that chicken barn. She lamented she did the wrong decision and did not look up of her qualities. I smile and console her. After an eye-opening chat, we move to another topic.

She refused to tell me why she is very angry with her parents although she send almost RM2k a month to them. I told her we should not be living with grudge toward our parent. She confessed she is angry and will not return home. She have being very angry for the past two months. two months? I asked her why? Perhaps I can say something soothing and perhaps mend back they daughter-parents relationship.

She told me she was married. I am not surprised as I can see that from her body. The body of a married woman. Is not that she have yo-yo fats around her nor stretch marks, it is because of.. I am not sure but but instinct told me so. She is angry with her parent since signing the contract as a GRO at the pub and with all the tremendous amount of monies sent back home, her parent actually gave her son away to her ex-husband. I mean ex-boyfriend since they are not married. The parent did not like their relationship and if I am not wrong, her son is born out of wedlock.

As you all know and gone through, early adulthood is pretty challenging and people tends to do silly things. However, since her parent are strict Catholics and have a high hope on her; it is to their dismay to discover that she was pregnant. Philippine's education system is not a cheap education system. You have to pay for your offspring's education at a really high price therefore makes disappointed parents goes hay wired.

As she travel to Malaysia or got cheated in to our Boleh Land, her parent actually surrendered her son back to his boyfriend without her knowledge and her consent. Oh my God Lord. Another standard story of shitpileheads reappear.

I hate when peoples tend to punish the newly born due to their parent's mistake. I mean that is no sense. What grave mistake do that newborn did? That make us the so-called pious one actually a hypocrite. I felt for her misery and her angsts. I told her that I understand how she feel and do agrees that what her parent does was totally wrong constitutionally and morally. I pat her back and tell her not to worry rather than to fuel her up. There is no point to do so. I just wish that she could trace back and be reunited with her beloved son. I told her the story of my dog as well. Story of my dog Sumo would never be amiss when I relate a topic of compassionate love.

As we continued, we are briefly thwart by the mama-san. Last time it was about my drink and this time is about taking that girl home. I told the mama-san off. I said, "With all of my respect, I treat her like a friend. I have to call my wife later and will be busy with some reading". I did not even give any room for rain check possibilities. I hate assholes. She thanks me.

I see. When she thanks me, I know that she is probably a victim of a prostitution ring. I do not want to get involve. If she promised herself to refresh her Japanese at the library during the day, why should I be bothered. Sometimes, bad things do happened and it is best to let it be around in equilibrium rather than to get into any possibility of trouble.

As the time drawn near to midnight I told my acquaintance it is time for me to leave. The band is playing their last song for their second time slot. They say they would walk me home. I appreciate it as I do not want to get involve with any drunkard as well.

I hug her and tell her to remember my advice. (That hug is a hug you normally do at church between two different gender congregation or friends. It is a sign of warmness without having a body contact with her). I want her to feel that at least some people do understand her.

As I walk back home, my acquaintance actually reveal that these girls were tricked into this kind of work. They never wanted it but some bitches and dick heads actually making a living of their sins. I nodded and I told him that, that is life. At least there are possibilities of change within her after my advices.

Perhaps we are so often mistaken them as sexual objects or fantasy toys. Now, I realized that it is wrong to label them so as they can be warm just like your best friends. Please do understand that their condition and at most time, they themselves do not want you to pay for their service. They just want to do their time and get the hell out from that barnyard after being lured by some dick heads. Your ignorance of these dick heads modus operandi is the key to these events. If we can write a Bill in our constitution and our corrupt society do go hard against favor-with-conditions sexual service, we will find these beautiful peoples are doing decent jobs at the mall and offices. By the way, not all prostitutes are stupid and not worthy for a warm chat. They can be very bright but they are victims of their own struggle toward a better living as promised at our BOLEH LACUR country.

-peace-conscience-sympathy-empathy-

May God be with you girls always, shower you with strength against evils and a light to walk you out from earthly hell. May God be merciful upon your grave mistake.

The raping of Penans! YBs - I need a word with you

2008-11-02T07:15:00.031+08:00

The Penan rape case has been the big new throughout Malaysia especially Sarawak last month. I was not ready to make any comment about the situation currently but I am really pissed of how the Dayaks themselves respond toward this particular incident.

What is not true about this incident? How come it is not true? For sure this is an open story about the misery of the young Penans who are trying to get education but end up get raped. The problems about this claim are, the name of those rapist (God Damn you, may you be rot to death!), the exact time and the exact date of the incident. They have been raped every since.

Anyone of you who are familiar with areas from Baram until Lawas know this story. I am sorry, this is no more a story, it is something we heard almost everyday. I can be assure I only heard these stories but I have never encounter the real scenario but who am I to fight for them. I do not have any good proof the whole things are not merely claims. These are the real ordeal of the Penans.

I am sorry to say that even our Dayak Brothers have no empathy for these Penans. They even have the guts to say the Penans are merely liars and filled with stories. Contradict to their claim, I was once caught in a situation where I met with a Penan couple. At first, I observed from far since I have never met them before. I guess it is best to check and see. I knew they are reserve people but I am not so sure what are the issues that brought them near by. Slowly I got to know they just need to fix their solar panel. These Penans know about electrical wiring so I basically accept that the atmosphere will be calm and if I got to talk to them, they are reasonable.

I steps move toward them. They look at me and they are clueless since I have the look of a Chinese but deep inside me, I am a pure native who have some sympathy for their oppression. This is a good chance to talk to them and get true stories from them first hand. There will be make ups as well as now Spinning Doctor to spin the real story around.

I sat down close to them. It is true that they are timid and very reserved. I give them a warm smile and say hello. It is not easy to talk to them since they are victims of much aggression and discrimination. I understood this and I move a little bit slower. I calm down, I gave them another smile and ask them what is up? They briefly replied that their solar panel need some wiring. This is direct current wiring and some testing need to be done. Direct current wiring is not an easy thing to do as any small defect can actually create spark and cause fire. Generally, DC is much more dangerous compare to Alternate current (AC) like we often use at home and taken for granted.

To my surprise, I thought they only can communicate in Kelabit but then, they speak in Malay. Wow! I struck gold. I can actually communicate more like this. I have been reading superficially about the Penan. Not much are documented on history books by Oxford Publication so as the British archive. I never expect anything solid or truth in our local books. All if not most are recreations of Spinning Fuckers and their agendas.

Since I have shown my sincerity as I chat with them, they are driven to tell me more and there goes everything. I actually talked and reconfirm the facts I have read previously. Much are truth by the foreigner in their writtings and less, much less of truth by the local publication. A lot of visiting NGOs felt their miseries. You will be a believer and your conscience will tell you something need to be done.

Very small amount of them these days wear loin cloth. I saw them couple of times when I stroll around but they often shy away. The ladies are very beautiful behind those scar of abuse and the dirts of their hard life. Only by then I understand, my warm generosity, smile and my willingness to approach them did not make any different. That is why they have yet to reply my smile.

These Penans that I have encountered are no more nomads. They have settled down just like the others, only that they are substantially lack of prime necessities such as clothings and food. Their daily activities still maintain the same. They still survive by the jungle. They hunt for food and at most time, their kills is the only source of income. They trade their kills. Sometime they sell it for a really low price in comparison to their effort. Beside hunting, occasionally they generate their income by doing hard labor. They carry jerry cans of fuel and stove tank for hours for the use of the local Kelabit. They actually contribute to the Kelabit by giving them the option for cheaper goods compare to the flown in goods which are highly priced.

Talking to them make feel really sad. They are the Dayaks as well. The natives of Sarawak but when I look at myself, I really pity them. I guess a warm chat would at least help them to forget their misery for while. Other Dayaks excel peacefully and some even abuse their facilities by doing a lot of other unscrupulous work regardless of the subsidy given to them. The Bidayuhs at Bau have a few highway to their village and the Penans? They only hope that their rights are recognized. They have never ask for roads. They do not mind walking a few hours to school and by luck be hike a lift by some passerby. What do they get the end?

The mutilation of the virgin jungle and raping of their virgin daughters.

Is that the way to repay the Penans? The Penans did not ask for the whole vast land. They only need some land as it is part of their life, their culture and their religion. What do we do? Penan have endured ordeals throughout the years. Recently, the Kedayans are abuse where their land are taken for Palm Oil.

Talking about Palm Oil, I myself have even gone through the agreement between the People and the Power of Attorney (hereafter known as PA) and also the agreements between PA and the local. What do they get? A YB (Yang Batut, Yang Bodoh, Yang Buta) who are actually motivating them to do so for better and stable income. I was laughing and I was thinking to myself, the Dayaks actually need protection within their own society and leaders. The bullies usually are Dayaks who are kind of smarter by-10grams-more-brain. At certain time their ATP managed to transform to ADP and produce energy (to party). This will subsequently contribute to some logical thinking. They have been storing a lot of ATP when consuming liquids originated from fermented rice, malt and corn. Or Else, dead man walking. My Lord!

I often lecture the locals, never ever sign a PA Agreement regardless of the deal. I wish I could travel from village to village and tell them, forget about Palm Oil. The palm oil generate nothing. Perhaps the most, you get RM120/month when it start to mature. Even Bio-diesel licenses are priced very low now. Nobody want to do Bio-diesel. Forget about the trivia and walla-walla about Jatropha. It is very expensive to actually produce Bio-diesels compare to cow dung and green energy. You are still generate carbon as the end of the process. You better do direct selling and in case of any failure you can still trade your bag and manual for a refund. You can earn RM300/month with your 0.2Ft² hand phone and a capital of RM300 daily. Selling reload coupon as you enjoy coffee and loafing around with your checker board at coffee house. One acre is about 42k++ Ft². You do the mathematics, please.

That is the easiest and lamest idea could give. Think about investment and Eco-tourism. I am hinting some of my bigger idea.

Let me tell you the cost of a virgin jungle is about RM2K to RM3K an acre for palm oil. By using this trick the perpetrator start poison their mind. At the end of the day most Dayak fall into their trick and sign a lease of two cycles; each cycle is 30 or 60 years. So that Dayak actually lost their land. What is RM120/month today. Sixty years from now, what is RM120/month? A lot of Ibans regretted their action of using their NCR land for Palm Oil. Initially they bought used Mercedes and then now? Their kids are working with the plantation at the same if not lower rate compare to the Indonesian (Mat Indon) and the Timorese (Ohm!). The details? Ask your YB who actually proposed it to you to tell you and then you tell me. YBs are the one who actually gave and drunk the local with beers and liquors. Publicly just before harvest festival, he slurred condemning his own people. Now, after victimizing the local Dayaks, the Dayaks do not even entitle for any State Level Gawai celebration? Why is that?

The oil royalty in billions of Ringgit and the timber you export to foreign country is not sufficient to even play host for us the Dayaks for once a year Gawai Dayak Celebration?

The Sarawak Government “politicized” the Gawai while branding SDNU and SADIA as opposition organization. Both SDNU and SADIA are not registered under the category of “political organization”. Who are these buggers? You surf the net and check them out!

SADIA Boss, Anthony Nait Mani is another bloody idiot. He was booted out from KOR RELAWAN SETIA NEGARA for all sort of breaches. You can actually check his back ground with the Justice Department or so. Please surf http://krsn-ptcm.org/new-page-2.htm for more information. He contested at state level under Parti Negara (winning 100 votes only) during the election. I think SADIA opposed it so that they can actually hold the event with lots of MANI (money money moneeyyy!) to spare for their pocket! If not they are just *tutttt* moles to weaken us, the Dayaks.

They are talking about workshop such as "Impact of fuel hike to...". Hello, if I can actually take pre-caution steps and secure myself with better pay job how come you did not even able to take pre-caution steps for the Dayaks? Do you read books? Are you all in SADIA are plain stupid?

For your knowledge, during this festival there are no Haram foods served. Tuak are serve to those who are non-muslim who want to taste it. Basically it is for the tourist. Now, we lost an important event in the tourism calender. What is dragon boat and regattas compare to this festival which actually shows the gratitude of the local paddy planter for a year of abundant? You tell me. Talking about the social integration and all those shit proposed by our federal Ministry of urbanization.

Some of our politician gave more money to support their political alliance during the General Election which is few hundred times fold comparing for a state level Gawai Dayak feast. You are getting daring and that is what I am assuming.

Can somebody actually and physically help me to screw some of our YBs. Twist their ear or kick their groin. Merely idiots who are living on credit I guess, that is why he is really boot licking hard if not scratching balls to pay their due and bills. If a politician is living on credit, he actually is unfit and should serve no role in any development program of speech. They will just squander the grant even if that grant are meant to buy trophies for young Dayak kids football match. I was wondering, why do we or our hopeless leader install such idiots around? Get caught for CBTs? How can someone be so reckless to be caught doing so? Pure stupidity and nerve of plastic. Smart people never get caught or published in the internet for their crime. If they get title such as Dato' and Dr., then I must be GOD.

I am shocked that most of our leaders, the Dayak leaders are unfit arseholes on the loose. Can you tell me how their brain work? I am talking about sustained growth and talking about long period income such as royalty. Embarking of progressive economy and all those easy but realistic ideas. As I am tired preaching the Dayaks, some smart-fool arseholes managed to convinced more Dayaks with less brain.

Come on you YBs, do not tell me that you have less exposure compare to me, a thirty years old dude. If I am your leader, damn; you know what to expect. You would not even talk about jobs as civil servant or salary. You are talking about generating wealth!

Bunuhlah Ayam Yang Bodoh Demi kesejahteraan Rakyat Tuanku!

I remember Joseph Pairin and Co. told youngster not to ink their skin as it is hard to get job with the uniform departments such as the Fire Department. Hello, chief. this time you are really ought to be booted out. Immigration Department has just increase their quota to 30% for non malay which put your KadazanDusunMurutRunggus to fight with the Chinese, Indians, Sarawakians, Malaysian Philaks and Malaysian Indons for that spot. Next five years, Ohms will also be recruited into that 30% quota. The ink is very much the tertiary issues. See how our Chief thinks, very much out dated. I got three offers for Government vacancies and I never bother to come for the interview. I gave it for my dearest Dayaks to get some job. We are talking about wealth. Who cares if Sir Richard Bronson gets a tattoo if he own an Island.

YBs, we are not as stupid as you think. We are much clever than you have ever thought! We are much capable then you wish. You all would wish us to be death because we can outdo you at anytime. Before we go for that option, we give you another chance to use your brain. Even ostrich and whale have brains. Even if it is tiny, it would help to rather than to use your knee cap. I myself give you an ultimatum of three years. If the Dayaks is still not taken care and our rights are not recognize then I have to say sorry for being rude. You will be thrown out of job and opt to do Tagal fishing once a year as you enjoy your retiring days with your pension money. Your gratuity finished to settle your personal loan.

We move on to the top to continue to fight for our native rights.

It is time for reformation and it suppose to be from the root. Not politic but economy. Come and help me to reform the Dayaks.

Nothing political but more on economy exposure. I believe a good grip in economy means a good grip to the politic. If the Jews can be powerful at the Capitol Hill with no more than seven million Jews in the world why not the Dayaks be powerful within Borneo itself. I never want anything racist but a better Dayak living standard for now. Later, I wish to liberalize them and build them as a progressive communities.

Back to the story of these Penans whom I met. They told me a lot of stories which actually humiliating and really discrediting the Dayaks themselves. But I hope that by being frank and transparent with these stories, the younger Dayak can actually see the wrong doings of the older generation. If we have better proof, never count out the possibilities of accountabilities by this so-called older generation. We are not talking about them being incompetent or ignorance but an act of being a corrupt.

I heard that is why most of the Penans did not afford an identity card and to my shock, Malaysian get their first IC for free unless we lost it or any possible reason. They say they have to pay one of official (let us keep it anonymous since this article behave only as eye opener and shall not be use for any reference or affidavit). They continued by saying that a particular old officer is demanding RM400 per IC as a fee for him to travel to town. Some get it, mostly did not! I told them IC are important document. I rather die without money than without my IC. At least I got to die with honorable funeral. They laughed.

Is it so hard to fulfill what they really want?

They told me more secrets which I will not spill out here. Let it be between me and them. I know their sufferings and I have actually taken a course in my life to actually fight for my Dayak peoples. I have achieved the paramount level of my career and now, I choose income stability (economy is currently down, I opted to work after I read a journal about the future recession after the Olympic Game and I shall resume to business later)and to propel forward the fight for the Dayaks.

I also would like to take this opportunity to say sorry to the Penans for the wrong doings and the bad treatment from my country and also by my Dayak brothers. Maybe this article will actually start something impulsive to assist the Penan within the ordinary people (if we are not graded as peasant or pariah). They are one of the prodigal building block in building a solid foundation to the true liberal and progressive Dayaks.

I pray that the Legal system of Malaysia, all the Honorable Lordships, Agencies and the people to be at least be more sensitive to the need of the Penans. I have no hope for the police and so forth; so-called lacker, incompetent, tax money wasting, you-name-it agencies.

To all the
YB You-Know-Who-You-Are,
please be prudent!

Do not give

"Donno, ya meh?",
"Wa engchai o",
"Wo pu che tau leh",
"Nyai engti boh..hemehhh? Mo konen leh.. tiauuuuu..",
"Apa tek? Sik tauk kamek eh. Menar.. Lilahh.. Sumpah, menar tokkk",
"Nama Utai chak. Amatkah? Apuuuuuuuu, tusah enti baka nya",
"Uih.. Uih.. errr...Am kelik",
"Doi ku pu'an, doi nya'a sikien bih. Tok keh serita muu tih bai?",
"Dbei Tao Nou Agei",
"Nakuro?"

and all those varieties of the same excuse. It is so lame, even nowadays eight years old kid will not accept that kind of excuse. If you cannot afford to take care, just surrender. By the way, who are you, a petty political stake holder like you will not have much chances in winning contract. Do not waste time! I saw YB begging to subcontract my project. The most you will get is the smell of money to buy you over to opposition.

I am fighting. Please no pressure, pleaseeee!!

It is better than to sell you people for Palm Oil project with a tiny RM++,+++. commission. One fart you could finish it.

People are getting smarter very fast dear YBs and so as your political career. Do not be surprise on why out of a sudden the peoples are too smart and daring enough to ask for your head. You are "Amput'ed" by the tree trunk if you can feel it yourself (amput babui-tied piggies in Kayan Language). You are about to get slaughter if you proved to be unworthy. See you at the abattoir, you lame ducks!

Musa Aman, stop your nephews from making mockery of the Dusun from Bingkor. They are having good sweet times spiking innocent girls' drink with 'goodies' and then **you imagine what-refer to the post title**. Rape and reap are two different words, so choose which one to be significantly traceable to the community and the RAKYAT.

Thanks to the Englishmen and Tun Abdul Rahman Ya'kub

2008-10-30T22:42:00.016+08:00

It was a bloody drowsy day. My head hurts and I cannot do anything more other than to take a rest. I woke up and I felt slightly better. Whoa! I never feel this way before. Oh yeah, now I remember, it was that four all draw football match early this morning that actually kept me awake and resort to not enough sleep. Well, football is a wonderful game. A lousy one, when my team should have gone for the kill. Five minutes to spare including extra time, two extremely foolish goals and here we are standing at number three for the Barclays English Premiere league.

It had actually kept me frustrated all day, I decided to go for a walk and a dinner at Chinese restaurant. I got myself a modest chicken rice and some finger food. I thought to myself, "there goes my night".

However as I am having my dinner, I am filled with amazement by the other table, adjacent to me. Something is happening and it is mind boggling for sure. I found two ducks having their good time talking to a goose. Somehow all of them are having beers with chicks watching and giving some aide to the goose at the other table. No! I am putting this into a literature perspective. You did not get what I meant?

It is about two fine British men talking to a Bajau, a Malaysian citizen but I believe to be originated from the Philippines. Again, I am assuming he is one of the many created Malaysian from the Project IC in the past. It has given the National Front the benefits in killing the local strong left-wing political party at that period. I hesitate to talk more about politics; it is not that I am refraining myself from talking about it but politically, I surge like a madman in defending my thoughts. Let us not go even near to this topic.

So as I am enjoying my dinner after being doing all sort of crazy stunts for a few days in order to keep myself within the budget, I found myself listening to this table where all three guys talking at higher tone. I guess it must be sobering effect after consuming buckets of beers. The two British look sloppy and goofy while the other Bajau, needless to say looks like a tramp; drunken tramp on free ride.

I found that there a few girls at the other table smiling at them. At first thought, I actually thinks that these are hookers putting up their boobies trap if not titsy traps. Hahaha! Amazing words. But to my bloody mistake in judging them, these two Brits are having a good beer drinking session and these girls are actually the restaurant servants who serves beer. My bad, my bad; apologize for that. I swear that at most time, my instinct proved me right. But why are these girls are interfering with their conversation?

Alas, they are actually trying to help this tramp to converse with these Brits. Okay! Now this is getting more exciting. I slower down my eating pace and I sip my Iced coffee slowly. This is surely something worth to watch. The girls are laughing, to my Good Lord; that tramp hardly speaks English and try to express what he is trying to say in Malay. Wow! That two Brits surely are resilient and patient dudes. Needless to say they are trying to stir something up to make it fun and kill the night off.

What in the hell is happening? An old Bajau who hardly speaks English. My words! I found this to be amazingly humorous. I came from Sarawak and living far away from home taught me about living independently but this, this is something I hardly come across over at my hometown. Old man cannot speak English. From my experience, working and traveling around the whole Sarawak, I could have taking things for granted. Only now I knew that most of the older Sarawakians converse very well in English. For those who did their MCE, they are good in writings as well it is their nature to have English newspaper clutched at their armpit as they walk down to the nearest coffee shop for breakfast.

Now that make some sense to why some of the people around me now, never even carry newspaper. It is not the act of that justify the lack of interest in reading, it is just a plain wall who cannot actually understand what the paper have written. Worst, some younger generations only browse through the ads column as well as the badly translated section of the newspaper. It made the local paper lack in their competencies in writing nicely if not profoundly well. I found that their English standard are on par with me, taking to the consideration that my English writings are full with errors. I am bad in writing and I admit to that.

If the local newspapers is dying due to the bad sales, the national English paper hardly make it to this region. That is why I hardly find these newspapers around. Comparatively to the Sarawakian newspaper, there is no Malay section since everyone speaks good English and understand English writings. An English newspaper is always a fully English newspaper. So as the Malay newspaper is fully a Malay newspaper. The younger generation at Sarawakian cities goes to an extend of fine tuning their preferred slang to sound like either White Americans, Black Americans and British. Britannica and Americana rules down there. So when you are down there at Sarawak, if you heard them conversing in this way, it is not about being a snob; it has being a culture down there. At the last paragraphs, I will explain why. Bear with me for a while.

If the town scenario seems to be an unfair territory to make judgment, I might have to say that you can find English speaking communities in the jungles and at high plateaus. I coordinated a project at Bario before. Most of you might not even heard about Bario before the infamous helicopter crash as well as before Mr. Idris Jala reforms Malaysian Airlines after being left with deep shit created by those smart-fool idiots who call themselves corporate figures. You, I feel like I want to fist your anus with a spade! Bloody buggers.

They speak fine English. It may not be so great to fit into Thomas Jefferson's profile but they did cross their Ts and dot their Is in their writings. They converse with some consideration of proper tenses. Many dropouts make their good income by being tourist guides here.

I pondered for a while. I resume back and listen to their conversation and this time, I cannot help myself to give some deep thought about the past. Looking at them makes me think, how the missionaries work in the past. They are trying to live their pious life here by spreading the word of the Lord and have to deal with someone who do not speak their language. Put this into perspective, this tramp is having a good relationship with these Brits. What the missionaries when through is far worst as they have to perform at spear point. This does not come easy. Trust me, if you have twenty workers demanding for their wages is already a big headache; think about two hundred men with swords, spears and blowpipes telling you to leave. You have to compromise with them as your task must be perform accordingly.

Conversing with body languages and with all the flaws in communication spattered all around, understanding can be very difficult and tricky too. I found it is amusing that a journey like this is a memorable one for these Brits, therefore they are trying to get something out of it even if they have to talk to a goose. Regardless of the others around, they just try and have a good time. Mesmerizing!

I am laughing to myself and giggles around when I see them communicating. It is hard to call it conversation since both parties got it wrong somewhere, somehow and most time. I wish I can have a drink with these Brits and tell them that tramp is hardly a Malaysian. I mean how bad can we be as Malaysian; a former British colony with lots of inheritance from the British can speak like this. The Queen surely laugh till she fart as if a jester is cheering her mood after the defeat of Malaya in the hand of the Japs. What is wrong with this tramp and the batches of these incompetent peoples around us? Is it hard to even put up an A-man-and-a-pen conversation rather than to say 'yes', 'no' and 'boleh' or 'can-can' then continue with walla walla yada yada nadda?

At one point, these two Brits did not understand what he said in English. The pronunciation is misleading and the diction, God safe our fools for once. I cannot bear to hear these two Brits teaching this tramp how to pronounce the word "Welding". They thought they heard that tramp said "wedding". Worst, these gentlemen have to show what is welding and a wedding with gestures and even with the aid of the table. They have to mimic the action of welding. They even ask that silly tramp to pronounce it right. It is not they are discrediting us, they have that nature to make things right. Earlier, they receive a phone call and the caller hardly speaks English?

Is that particular caller a Bajau or a Bruneian? I heard from my dad about the true reality around us as he traveled frequently. I am cushioned with the surroundings which are perfect back home. At this age, exposed to these kind of happenings, I am agitated with these tramps who make us look like some sort of a country which have just recovered from war, tore apart by civil war and just exposed to English by the rescuer. But is this the reality? Are they living in their own matrices? My holly cow dung! I cannot believe this is Malaysia. Regardless of English being the second language here in Malaysia, it seems like it is an alien language. Is that true? How true? What do we perceive as the truth? Is there any truth in this claim?

I recalled what my dad told me before that sadly, most of the Sarawakian only speaks good English. He added that there are also several others who can speak English around Malaysia but mostly, they cannot even start a conversation fully in English. They will resolve to some sort of other language but at most time to Malay. What contributed to this tragedy? Look at Ivory coast and Togo, they speaks good French when that is not their mother tongue. They are French former colonies. So what is wrong us?

To unfold some of the actual contributions to this particular scenario, we can actually trace it easily. This happened during Dr. Mahathir (Dr.M hereafter) era as the Minister of Education. He abolished English as the education medium and usher in Malay language, the later Bahasa Malaysia as the backbone of the education system. By doing so, this will ease the burden of most local who have the hard time struggling to understand English. The architecture of this system works well without any further thought on globalization. The system backfires and only until recently he want science and mathematic subjects to be implemented in English. Initially, I thought this is a half cork if not half bake or half past six idea. Since Malaysia love to change their policy, I surely think that this will change soon. He backed his idea up of discrediting English by establishing another policy called 'Look to the East Policy'.

What happen when we try some new policy? Proton and Mitsubishi? Both almost bankrupt. Korea, Japan and China are the oriental powerhouses; the Peninsular which looks like a human appendix in the map are trying to follow these powerhouses. It took Dr.M thirty years to realized the result which My dad had earlier forecast when he read the Malay Dilemma book written by Dr.M in 70s. Why this policy created an irreconcilables scenario now?

Our government never acknowledge the Chinese influences as well as the transmigration of the Chinese which form most of the natives here. I mean the Dayaks. Thus, he failed to understand why his policy does not work his way for the Malays or the non Dayak natives.

Korea and Japan are part of China long history. Wars and revolution, makes it hard to tell what kind of policy and mentality they have currently. Dr. M failed to recognize the signature of these oriental powerhouses. They are from the same group of people who evolve through time and geographically. Dr.M, look at their skin and eyes, you know that they are all groups of people with Chinese inheritance during the ancient time. They only thing that evolved is their calligraphy. They have 5000 years of history. Science and mathematics are part of their life. They derived scientific names to all the elements and they have archives of findings.

What do we have? Hang Tuah's sacred Kris called Taming Sari? Worst, we are still fighting to clarify who are Hang Tuah and his gang. Either he his a Bugis, a Malay, a Mamak, a Chinese or IDUNNOwho.

As Dr.M pressed on Malay Language as the education medium, the Peninsular accepted it and then a few years later Sabah accepted it. Thanks to Dr. Mustapha, a Filipino who was the Third Chief Minister of Sabah who are well known for threat against those who goes against him. The use of the infamous ISA after he was granted such power from the federal government. He also sponsored most of conversations of the natives in Sabah. If any local who do not convert, they will have no chance of promotion or even get a job in the government sector. He then declared Malay language is the new medium for education for Sabah.

Tun Abdul Rahman Ya'kub rejected the idea but peacefully proposed a transition for this to take place. This is when SPM exam replace MCE. One of my family friend's son who failed horribly a few times in his MCE, got flying color distinction in his SPM. My dad told us, that is surely something that will lead to doom in the nearest future. He does not know what doom will it bring but surely as a Dayak, he prepared well. My dad actually did it in a more practical way. Our family converse in English, Malay with our nanny and mother tongue with our sumuk, babai, kung-kung and popo (Bidayuh Grandfather, and grandmother; Chinese Grandfather and grandmother).

The transition of English to Malay language as education medium did materialized but the impact is so visible between Sarawak and the other states. As the precious eight years of transition did open the mind of the local Sarawakians and have prepared them well for the future upcoming. As the system reformed, the blow is cushioned well as majority educated people are from this precious eight years. They continued the usage of English in their daily life and actually they inherit it to their offspring.

As they grow older with their maturity, like most people said the old habits die hard; they use it in their daily life in form of communication. Maybe a lot of Malaysians are not aware the degree of English usage among the Sarawakians. I believe the foreigner too will be spellbound by the level of English being use publicly.

If you put two Bidayuhs from two different villages which have different slangs, publicly or in the office; they would rather converse in English. Why? To make instruction clear to everyone. It is the same thing when peoples from different races meet, they prefer English rather than to waste their time to translate the actual ideas into some other language, to structure it back and then rephrase it which is something deem to be time consuming if not stupid.

The Sarawakians are totally different type of peoples. The state constitution as well as government sector correspond greatly in English. Minutes and bulletins are in English. The state government servant often make fun of the federal government staffs whom they deem as lackers. You should see them make fun of each other during the good old days. They mimic they way the letter is written which they got from the federal government, it is clearly a direct translation to Malay from English. They read it loud and translate it to their preference. Some time it sounded stupid and most time it sounded corny. It was the humor of the era. Even the local Sarawakian Malays look it as something incompetent for professional use. Nowadays, some of the older generations who served the Government often literally make fun of the newer generation. It is true that they have no idea about English if not inadequate knowledge about English.

Now, put this in another perspective. When someone ask "Did you went to Jesselton at Sabah or Anson Bay at Perak", there are large number of people start to wonder where the hell is it? I am surprised that when my dad ask the newer generation of Government servants these questions, they have no slightest idea about the question nor the whereabout. They hardly knew that when they actually came from Kota Kinabalu and Teluk Intan.

The ignorance is due to lack of knowledge since most historically correct books are in English. The abolishing of English as our medium of education had jeopardize if not halt the knowledge of our history. Most of our history books are in English. You should check out interesting books from Oxford Publication, which are written by some of the English Governors at that period of time. We always talk about the act of remembering our own history. What can we remember if we cannot read it? Worst, the vague idea of our history can contribute and aggravate toward far more complicated situations. Imagine teaching others our history, the wrong and twisted version. What possibility would happen?

Malaysia lost their bloody Shit dropping island called Pedra Branca or Pulau Batu Puteh heavily due to the lost of translation in correspondence. Thanks to the Assistant State Secretary of Johore at that time. But why put an incompetent fool to correspond? Later, all the cow dungs stories. So what happen then? Singapore got our one of our island. So? Shame on us. I am counting more to go, perhaps we will loose more if we have a very soft agreement at Wilayah Pembangunan Iskandar. Is it part of the scheme to sell Johore to Singaporean directly? Who knows? I am assuming without no theory or hypothesis.

My father love the **tuut/censored** Department's Motto in Malay. It sound something like this. "Barang Anda Kebanggaan Kami". In English it mean "Your Substance (barang = part - a vulgar word for private part is our Sarawakian Malay language) is our pride". It sounded more like "Your private part is our pride". I mean that is direct translation without much common sense.

Until today, the tradition and it is the norm for many Sarawakians to continue in English. You can see older Malays reading Borneo Post and sometime giggles on the grammatical error in the younger generation's writings. Having a drink is incomplete without newspaper.

I sometime gets accustom of most restaurant having newspapers like back home, mostly English newspapers and a Chinese daily. But here in Labuan, none. Nadda! So as most restaurants at Kota Kinabalu. Most people will sit down and yadda yadda and walla walla about politics with no guidelines and true sources. It makes me want to puke!

Speaking English surely does not make you look any superior than others but this is a necessity. It is like going to the washroom without wearing a flip-flop or a shoe instead barefooted. It is not wrong, it simply look wrong somehow. Most perceived it as wrong or lacking.

Being fluent in English surely gives you a whole lot of advantages. Imagine being able to accumulate knowledge as we read English references and debate in forums. What if we do not know or incompetent? It is surely our lost. When we lose, it is usually somebody's gain.

This particular incident really open my eyes and open myself to accept that many Malaysian hardly understand English so as using them. Mostly, half-corked Malaysian tends to jumble up English with their mother tongue. Without shame, they just fire it out publicly. Feeling glamorous being able to do it even though it is fully wrong. For sure their pronunciation have the amplitude and wave length of their mother tongue.

Many younger Chinese (I mean those who grow without daily sparring or speaking within the family or so) tends to pluralized their English words with the 'S's. It sounded like their microphone in their Mars Exploration Space helmet have the treble-based echo. Need calibration, hello! For example, Mens loves goings to the libraries. Bitter to swallow but this is the reality. The non-Chinese and non-Indian will speak something like this. "I believe you boleh buat tu. Not hard, Easy what. Can lah aah?". A cross breed of Singlish and a pure evolution of Minglish. Sometimes, I pondered. Why are we raping English like horny yet pathetic macaques?

I pity them but what can we do? What can my empathy do for them? Our system did play the biggest role in resulting to this crap. Dr.M's policies has the biggest impact to all. Even if the Malaysian call him the father of modernization, surely he is not even close being the foster grand-nana of globalization.

People will say some American cannot even spell but speaks good English. I admit that. But why do we need to follow some dumb Ass, Mule, Donkey, Llama, Pony or Keldai?

Badawi? Ermm... Najib.. Waduhh! Glokal? Najib starts his Glocal agenda. A cross breed of idiots who thinks about global locally. Put this into a clearer picture, it means just think globalization, locally. Wikipedia said this is a portmanteau of the word global and local. It is also described as a process of thinking globally and acting locally. It is also mean to bridge local to global. I am not sure how this is working. But surely this is a good start and heading for explosive dooms day real soon.

For example, "No need worry one. We speak business in Malay also can but later we think the global market of the business la, at your office at batu Beruntung. After this we lepak-lepak at Ceasar Palace. Good place to relax. We can play batu selemban with the chips. If not we play carom. You can shop for minyak lintah. We langgan cucur tonight lah!". Geographically lost friends, speak to foreign investor in local dialect at Las Vegas and acting like locals.

Another classic example, "You past that brochure to my office boy. He will courier it by post to Uganda. Also don't forget to tell Mr.Whitestçigger I will go out at 3pm for coffee. You punch my card k? I Ular a bit today. Tomorrow your turn". Where he can actually email it instantly in PDF format at a single click as globally accepted and have coffee break, that is so local. This is the process of bridging local to global. Acting locally, global market and this what we called bridging the local and global.

Yeah! Najib is so yesterday doesn't he? So as his soup-parred bowel (super-power) subs.

Malaysia, O Malaysia! How art thou shall be? Wherefore art thou to be?

*Erm, knock-knock
**Who is there?
*A pity and sorry bronze ass filled with Najis after gluttonous buffet with Mdm. Rust Mug. (Rusted and contaminated but fulfilling).

I thank you the white-men who came a long time ago to liberalize us the Dayaks from the nasty Bruneian Empire; infested with draconian rulers and ordinates. Thank you as well for helping us to be literate during your missionary period. Special thanks to all the Jesuits and volunteers. Thank you Tun Abdul Rahman Ya'kub for those eight years of transition. If not because of your great wisdom and wise decision, I will be blogging in some other language, alien to most internet communities.

Again, Thank you!

.

I am no racist and I am not a Bumiputera

2008-10-29T21:05:00.027+08:00

I got to read something interesting at my friend's blog. Clearly it is a picture of us the natives princes of Malaysian Borneo or known as the Bumiputera have been revokes from any rights as a native. Hahaha. Great, so what now?

Yeah! At last the blatant article busted big time. I used to wonder that it is a school of thought by those UMNOs! It is clear by now. So?

To you all Bumiputeras of Sabah and Sarawak; having a high hope for Bumiputera's privilege is something you should rethink now. We are no more considered a Bumiputera. Once, a long time ago; we were graded as the second class 'pariah' Bumiputera but now it is clearly that they revoked our right, literally. So what are you hoping for? Free education? Free health care and medication? Free ride? Do not ever think of this ever again since we are now considered as non-Bumiputera.

// The timid Bidayuhs and their close cousin, the progressive Melanaus are no more Bumiputeras.
// The mighty Ibans and the fearsome Kayans and Kenyahs are no more Bumiputeras.
// The clever Kelabits are merely known and are no more Bumiputeras.
// The beautiful and warm Kadazans and Dusuns, fought and discriminated oftenly and publicly are the former oppressed Bumiputera who have loosen their right as countrymen, I mean foreigners and squatters.
// The unique Muruts are left without no indication whether they have the right and given any facility as to Bumiputera. Nope, They are no Bumiputera anymore.
// The Lun Bawang and Lundayeh, they are among the hardest tribe for our country to recognize are no more the Bumiputeras.
// The Rungus' are the neglected No-more Bumiputera.
// The Penan are not Bumiputera anyway.

So now who are Bumiputeras? Who are the native princes then?

Malays? Who are the Malays?
Bugise are the Malay even they are from Indonesia.
Javanese are the original and the truthful Malays from Java I guess.
Ubians, Tausug and the other Bajaus are the originals if that is accurate in our pre-historic history text books. They are Filipinos.
Mamaks are original too. Never even question about that. A mamak stall is a Bumiputera stall.
Our infidels from the yesteryears are Malays. So?

From Sulu to KK with plastics, Bumiputera too.

From Mindanao to KK with plastics, a happy Bumiputera

Why care about the difference of RM40 if you labor at the General Hospital if you are working with the private firm? Why care about the free health service at the General Hospital when you can pay for better service at some Chinese Clinics for extra cost? Best, it is free if you have health insurance for major health problem.

Why care about those teachers who teach your offspring mathematic equation such as "one-push-one-same-with-jello" at school (because the jello one jatuh longkang and hospitalized) when you can afford tuition center who teach your kids "one-minus-one-equal-to-zero" on earth and it varies at space? They even send their children for tuition. Oh yeah, our cosmonaut broke his experiment box as he tumble out from the shuttle. Dizzy after watching the earth from the sky.

Why care about our legislation system if we can afford an Indian lawyer to sue those who gets in our way? Why lick boots of those who drink coffee in front of us as we wait for their coffee break to be over?

Why care about the economy when we have our almost-protected NCR land code? We can survive and be rich by eco-tourism anyway? Why bother about the hike of price when we have vast land to do agriculture?

Why even bother to downgrade ourselves as they want it for themselves. Why bother working in the government department? The Dayaks should not worry as many Chinese companies want to hire Dayaks for their agility and cleverness at work? Why care if we can get increments from the merits if we perform excellently? You can learn their trade too throughout the years.

Why bother about being Bumiputera?

REM *** Please read my blogs about Dayak are natural born mogul.

In ten years time, see who will lick whose fat, shiny and well butticured (derivation of manicure as in the future many will take care of their curvy buns) ass? Must I stress to you the answer? At that time, the Dayaks will sing, "Some whereeeee over the mountain.." as we enjoy our life by the beach; drinking honey dew juice, sipping local made wine and our Dayak Europe fusion delicacies (support Dayaks who manufactured them) and indulge ourselves with TIMES magazine after a successful transaction at a keystroke of our notebook. Far away from the less likely use and nuisance of hand phones. Freedom from being slave to unnecessary calls from banks who want to offer us Platinum card and credit facilities.

By then, they are still the pity and petty consumers for the cheap if not rejected goods that we sale. They ran out of cash after their Gold GIRO Card from BSN is with their humble and merciful Loan Shark.

The less fortunate Dayaks; some make it to be successful leaders of Chinese based Organizations as their front man under the age of 30, some are advancing in their career under our wings and our mentoring and lastly, some of our blood brothers are arguing and scheming at our so-called parliament to clean up the legislations to our likings.

So by then, who gained? The resilient Dayaks and their advancement regardless of the condition. If we have been doing fine all these years, oppressed indirectly by the country legislation; what is another ten years?

We are still one of a kind natives of the South East Asia, known for their bravery. We are still the courageous one in the eyes of the British WWII Veterans.

We broke our shackles and shown to the Bruneians that we have surpass them in many ways after years of slavery and captivity under their draconian empire in the past. To all those Abangs, Awangs and Dayangs, you saw what we are made off. How does it feel to be stepped around by us now? Your former slaves advance faster and outpaced you now? Some, did not their lessons instead enjoying their exotic cars as we build their land with soon to finish resources. We have been taking your goods and your currency with us; its a payback time for how you looted our villages before. Every salary we cash out is for every jar you broke at our long house before. Remember those plundering two hundred years ago. It is still fresh in our memories. We will seek our sweet time to finish you off.

The local Borneo Chinese knew our capabilities. They have fallen into our grips as we progresses and control the market price in certain fields, mainly technical services.

We have to play low profile before these goons who revoked our native right literally; to apprehend their powers to us soon after we monopolize the local and global economy.

If they are known as the Native Princes, let us be united and work together to be Native Kings then. Why do we have to wait in line for the crown. The time has come. Do it now! Be united for our Dayaks countrymen. Fight diligently for our natives rights.

But one must learn and always keep this in our heart. We are not mercenaries like before. James Brooke label some of our tribes being so. We must unite and only through unity we can fight what have suppresses us. A unity not through political party but through economical market sharing will help us. May God be with us. God Bless.

GOD SPEED!

I am so pissed tonight

2008-10-26T04:29:00.004+08:00

Damn! I have spend close to 6 hours tracking back my PHP script as well as my MySQL database just to see what the hell is happening. Actually, I just want one form for membership to my several website in the net as well to prepare for the upcoming service providing business I thought of embarking.

Thanks the Lord, Alleluia. I am actually so happy, I am humping around and about to sing "Kumbaya".

"Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbayaaaaaaa......". To the background sound of frogs and the wind chime.

Hahahaha! Well luckily I got to fix it or else I have wasted my 6 hours, 2 packets of Maggi Mee, 3 pieces of tomatoes and 3 sachets of Nescafe 3-in-1.

For a moment, I thought of swinging my PC, boycott Control Panel and my Web Hosting Provider.

But now, WELCOME MONEY!!!! Keching-keching!! Cashing in!

Very lonely cloudy, lazy rainy day

2008-10-25T16:52:00.010+08:00

It has been raining since last night. I felt so lazy. I woke up really late and saw all sort of miss call at my mobile screen. I stretch and giggle. What a lonely cloudy, lazy rainy day.

I did some graphic design to loosen down my messed up mind from all the work I have to go through. It is not easy when you subordinates is fighting with your colleagues. Tired and lonesome, this is life far away from home.

I do miss my fiance, my car, my house and my parents. Days like this can make you go paranoid or even do something really stupid. It is too cold for a shower. I put of my my favorite Liz Clairborne wool jacket. Sound feminine. I just love it. It has been my favorite piece for close to 7 years now. I put on another layer of camouflage raincoat and walk in the rain to have a late lunch. The cash deposit is out of order. I am infuriated and I nearly bang that machine. Technologies, you can say that again. Tech-no-logics! I am tuning to the Singapore 98.7 FM and the deejays are horrible. I miss Glenn Ong, the EGO trip man. He is married to Jamie Yeo currently. Browsing through her web broke me as she is happy with her dog.

I miss my Goo-gook and Sumo very much. They are the angels that has cheered me up in the past when I am down and mellow. Now, it is a lonely, cloudy, lazy, rainy day. I hold on from bursting into drips of crystal clear tears. I pray the Lord would take good care of them just like how I had always did.

No one enjoy the rain so am I. I am in the mood for poem but my itch irritates me so I no mood anything other than to blog about the day. You have a nice rainy and lazy day.

Why do asian women throwing themselves at whitey?

2008-10-22T16:49:00.024+08:00

I am not so sure why but I may state some of the reasons.

Take a look of this video.

Okay now. Not trying to be racist nor sexist. I know some are in loves but at most time these couples are deemed the other way round.

Lets talk about our girls who want a whitey just for the reason of being glamor (just this context)

Actually since I was young, I do like to make friends with the whitey, the latino, yada yada yada; anyone actually. I never idolized anyone's race regardless you are a Jew, Aryan or any super race you can mention to me. Everyone was created accordingly, individually and sorry to say some are born impair.

I found it is astonishing how we Asian are intimidated by the whiteys due to the belief that they are smart and out beat us physically. I was a non-believer to this. I see whiteys are equal to us and sometimes far uneducated than us. Look at ourself, here we are pressing keyboards, constructing sentences, composing writeup and have the world to read it; compare to the whiteys in certain part of their TIMBAKTU, they are still renting VCR. They hardly understand CDs and well the list goes on. So what so special about those whiteys until the female of our species seems to be attracted to them?

Their looks? Nah, many of the Americans are obese and it is comparatively outclassed from what you have seen in porn films, magazines and movies. Not to say, all those cover girls are Photoshops edited and they are the materials the magazines created in their matrix; for you to believe and a whole lots of sales. The studs and hunks you saw, most of the time make you wet and cum are none others than metro-sexual cunts for their market. Exploits for you girls to buy their magazine. If you do, you are living in their matrices and you should realized by now that the magazine you are holding are full of crap. I mean there is no harm in reading what you want for leisure and indulgence but as a religion. Hell, No!

The increasing thought by younger Asian girls that whiteys have longer dicks is a misconception ever since the whitey dock at our ports. Sailors infested with HIV gets jolly drunk, having one night stand, payable in lieu of drinks they bought at the bar and walla, you are infected. All you can do is to swear "son of a bitch!", "Pukimak!" or "Chau Cibai!" or even "Pundek!". He is long gone, living his remaining sickening life with greater sex and perhaps until a point he reflect his wrong doing and get pardon by some pastor.

Happy friends enjoying their drink!

Most white guys speak a great deal of good English. WTF, that is his mother tongue and he has been conversing using this language everyday. Have you crossover some whiteys who cannot spell 'An Engrish men'? I do. That is why since elementary school they have contests called spelling bee and regularly dictation test. Their English glossary and the usage of terminology also flunk big time. There you are, adoring them. What is the big deal with them?

You can say that they are smart and brain stimulating. Sometimes you can also give prolongated excuses as well as purported views about them being this and being that. I find it truly amazing. Whiteys got listed as some of the successful people (but not smart) due to their earlier exposure to the global world as well being brave to try something stupid but brilliant. But what is the ratio? Probably 1:1,000,000? Now compare that to our people. Previously, our people were left far behind but the momentum is building up and we have excelled forward exceptionally well. This is great, don't you think so? I have a friend who is still 16 and write blogs; so as her friends. Did pretty well with Adobe Photoshops and all those software which are needed to compose and upgrade their blogs. Compare to some other whiteys who hardly did anything other than just enjoying themselves pranking their friends and a nuisance to the public. Tell me that is not true. Is that brain stimulating or is it you got STIMulated?

Four years ago as I was excelling my career, a whitey Director asked me if he can get upgrades. I search the net and to my horror; he can actually get a Master Degree by buying it with less than USD$3,000; online! Wow! That is a good life. After 16 years of specialized job and now you are a holder of a Master Degree. They give names for their career. Sewage Engineer for those who well call General Worker here. They just clean up manholes and scour the pipes but then, they are specialist. Twenty good years of shitty life. What do you expect? Lavatory Hygiene Expert means a janitor with great experiences. Well done, you finally got that paper qualification and move on to the next level, expert!

Here they are, in our pubs with attitude problem they are stimulation our ladies. Yeah! Crappy yet creepy. Still, what so good about them? Money? Well have you heard of the term American pay? Contradicting to our Asian culture, every payment have to be split accordingly. If you are a lady with no job and sleeping with these buggers hoping to cash in their money and bling-bling, you are really wasting your time and the elasticity of your pinkish yet moderately used hymen. Keep it for more agility with the perfect man. You understand that scorned bitch?

Their looks perhaps the best asset as a monkey pot to trap you, filthy worthless flies. So there you are again enchanted by their looks. Big nose, blue eyes, athletic frame with some beer blubber (Michelin man wannabe) and a smashing hair style. Duh! Will that last long?

You! Ms Beautiful Beer. The infamous retired hen at your little town

For sure that hair you are attracted too, stands slightly longer than his ejaculation. I mean external ejaculation. After 10 minutes of foreplay, 2 minutes of blowjob, 2 minutes of your sexercise as you humps around and there he goes; like Flash Man he push you away, stands up ejaculate his snowball at your face and then forcing you to draw all of that sperms into your mouth, later swallow it. Yes, he is there standing tall in front of you making that "ahh-ahh!" voice and calling you an Asian whore. You say thank you (you are drunk and you heard Asia Mall), stretches forward and lean down; unsatisfied, hardly perspire, recalling the odor of his 'American cheese' (or relatively known as Taik palat) filled salty yet filthy cucumber-like dick with hairy balls and you just continue to smile. You are drawn by his smile. You rub you butt, a little bit distressed from that spanking you get as you did the sexercise. Noticeably, you are a bit shock for the poor performance. "What the hell", you said; at least I get to fuck a whitey for my own personal record, a so-so slumber at a five stars hotel by the sea and aching jaw with that stinky breath.

You wake up to the smell of his vomits. There he is laying beside you, shockingly it was not what you what you saw last night after a bucket of cheap beer. Perhaps that cheap beer got you wind up here and the dramatic jaw breaking blow jobs you got last night is the final blow to his deception. You still feel the hangover. You try to SMS your friend but you refrain due to tiredness, you have a brighter idea; Sick Leave. You get another nap to beat that hangover. When you are just about to get some rest, he touch you and kiss your neck. Ambiance lighting from the sunlight, lights up the room shows you the best of his smashing ugly looks and unwillingly you push him. He call you names and start to get mad.

Worry about what he might do next may get you into more possibilities of headline, you give up. By now he is no gentleman. Knowing this will be his last sexual encounter of you, he lay you down. Gulping more beers and slapping his belly. Like a pre-historic and barbaric Mongol he pull you to the side of the bed and do his poorly performed version of 'monkey jack'. Penetrating his cucumber-size rod into your anus, make it one of the hardest record breaking escapade you never thought of. He pull off his condom after rapturing it during his high impact pounding. His testicles projected shock waves as it in contact with your labia and gives you that sensation after taste.

You are trying his monkey jack as you squirt. Your smart-fool whitey is trying to reach for his passport hidden in the vase. Both of you now known as the newly cross breed, homo-stupido-shapen

Later, he reach into his plastic bag bearing foreign writings and smile. You are clueless and scared. Not to say the pain that is still lingering around your torn, skinny, rich with nerves, bronze colored ass. He drag you to the toilet bowl, cuff you and give you more of his fantasy. He did that Hulla hoop dance (he imitates John Wayne), as he is wasting your precious time for a board meeting scheduled at 2pm (it is Monday, duh!). He lasso his counterfeit Louis Vuitton belt and then he spank you, continuing with more bondage-inspired sex. He reveal another gadget you have already known since secondary school. A modified red dildo is then stuffed into your anus. He amplify the vibration. It vibrates harder, reminding you of the SMS you did not sent earlier and an Medical certificate which you need to obtain before the meeting.

You finally scream to his ecstasy and submitted. He gelled your ass with his water-based lubricant, promising you this is the last act. He continue his artillery pounding and after a while, he opt for chocolate cream and goes for the final high impact pneumatic jackhammer like thrust before jacking off his extraordinary yet intelligent self-propel 'Sperm Haley BurstStar' on to your newly permed hair. Just like the RPG blowing up a Black Hawk Helicopter at Iraq, he stood behind you with amazement and self adoration. He scream like a young boyscout and proclaim that is his furthest shot he ever did. It is extended to the toilet door and close to the wash basin. He ran to check out his sperm shot which you knew actually was a slime ball of his nostril waste he blew earlier as he puts on his thorny pink colored condom; an exaggerating claim. He wipe his rod with toilet paper and with the same toilet paper he wipes your hair. He keep on telling you how your tiny but whining pussy make his day. He repeats,"A jolly good shot I must say, don't you think, Darling?". He sticks some of his semen around your ear and make fun of you.

Ohh! You both faked it very well just to unleash your
squirting orgasm and his low bat level libido.

Your knee is aching and your anus is soring. You beg for a release and he is still fooling around. He first reach for a beer and then the handcuff key. He shower your hips with his beer and lick it, unwillingly released you. He kiss you and thanks you for that service. He gave you his number and email and hoping to see you at his country. Thanking you repeatedly for that sexual fantasy he have just engaged. You are limping around looking for your cloths and dress up with your torn off polka dot G-string and your expensive push ups. When you about to walk out, he give you a good spank in the ass and call you a darling. You slam the door and for once in your beautiful life, you heard something that never cross your mind. He just vociferate and gibber as he called you a petite cheap midget.

Sadly; during the board meeting, your top management fired you for being incompetent and mostly due to your almost-red-everyday punch card. This time, your immediate superior just watch you from a far. You give him a blink asking for help and in lieu of sexual favor. He just stare at you until you walk off. You clean up your desk, unplug your web cam which you usually use in the sex chat room, escorted out by the security and you gave your immediate superior a call. You tried calling him and only after your fifth call he answered. He decline to help because you forgot about that dinner with his parent.

He chuckled and say, "Damn horny bitch! I saw you with our fat potential investor's driver last night. We set a hidden CCTV to extort his boss; not that proxy and there you are, whoring around. I am not sure why he is in his boss room. You look pretty bad and awful in that video. Everybody in the office saw your video and your two minutes joke. The top management have to fire you to save their skin, you bloody moron. Have a nice life and an "advance-flirtatious" (cynically for adventurous) career in the future.

Tearing boxes will not help in releasing the stress of loosing a job and worst, after you fucked by the boss and associates like floor mats. Not advisable for career advancement.

You walk back home with a huge box. It does not compliment with the tube and ultra-flashy Lycra miniskirt. You look like a retired tramp, high on drug and collecting aluminum can. As you about to buy the monorail ticket, you finally found out why your beg is lighter then ever. You left your wallet in the hotel last night when it accidentally falls of as you are choosing the right condom size for your man from your fake Gucci handbag. Actually, he insisted to use the thorny happy condom. Now you sob and breakdown in tears. No money but with lots of dilute 'Mani'.

Well Done bitch! You broke your health Record

Two months later, you have been owing the landlord, the banks, parents and several more Chinese dudes. You are awaken from your day dream, unfold the envelop given by the nurse. The doctor in front of you grin at you and only to find yourself positive for gonorrhea. You thought you have problem with your menstruation for the inflame sensation of your holly'ed-jolly pussy every time you urinate. Now you regretted it and you still owe your grandma RM100 for that test. On the way back, you stop for lunch. An Indonesian man approached you and offers you DVD. You want "Jungle Man does the heliopter" or "Maria Ozawa Office Bukkake" porn. He did not have that but offers you a new and hot local video. The title of that DVD is "20 Minutes Jokes (two hours of hilarious snoring & farting, nothing close to high performance Dr. CSL)". There you are on the cover with your skimpy bra and luckily it was your silhouettes or else you can opt for any of the high building for a grand finale; suicide in red dress pin with your final note.

The cover shows a female monkey and a white
mutt faking what we call as rubber love!

Wow! I admit the top part sounds like a porn movie if not reenactment of a local 3gp format porn but that is what happen to our young girls. Who to be blame?

As people always said, pussies died due to curiosity. I mean cats. Let me rephrase the actual riddle. Curiosity killed the sexually perverted Siamese-Malaysian cat. Did not mean vagina any way.

Okay, the blog ends up tragically with a semi-porno writing. I never backtrack what I have written so, just enjoy this bloody inconclusive blog. Have a nice morning and May God saves your ill soul. Damn!

**REMARKS**
To those who are married to a whitey, no offence; this artical was not meant for you. If you love each other and enjoying the best of each other and plan for a better life, you go ahead. I also know that most of the whitey are compassionate people. Maybe next round, I will be siding your side. But for now, this article stand.

Arsenal and why supporting Arsenal FC?

2008-10-22T12:22:00.017+08:00

Arsenal displayed another stunning performance in Europe with some of the younger string of players. No expensive players but lots of stars in the making with an average of 22 years old players take center stage of Europe most prestigious football match.

I must say that Arsene Wenger is an inspiration as he is a manager with great qualities. With limited fund at most time, he found the best in each individuals. I have been a great Arsenal fan since I am eleven. Almost twenty years down the line, Arsene Wenger is the best so far. George Graham did managed the team well but Arsene Wenger is in a different league. Tell me how many manager with limited fund able to put a good team like he does?

Football in the international scene is no small matter. Everything is about money and the income of the club as they go and achieve the best they can. Arsenal is a team who did some record breaking results. Remember that legendary 49 undefeated matches? But that is nothing compare to the thrill you get every weekend for the wonderful football. Yes, the wonderful football and the entertainment they gave; by pass all the expectation. Arsenal fan understand that and they always cheer up for the wonderful display of football techniques and the openness to create attacking moves. Unlike most football clubs who played for result. That is surely a boring, boring, boring football.

Youth is Wenger's fetish. With his scout, they have scoured Europe for the best they can find. Fueled with spirits and energy, they find themselves at most time unexpectedly at the front line. Compare to other club who love to buy old cocks for their squad, Arsenal is a club who work, manage and earn their income from their dedication. It is wonderful to see young low profile footballer bloom under Wenger's flagship.

Individually, I admired Wenger not only for the football he have to offer but also the management techniques he practice. Among them are:-

A. Believe in dedicated human resource development
B. Individual ties strengthen the team
C. A management core is not about the fund, it is about being smart building a team
D. Good management makes money by buying low and selling high
E. Scouting for your cheap good, not substandard but as an alternative.
F. It is not about the glamor but the service offered
G. Have fun as you work but with a standard of disciplines set.

I have tried some of these at work and in life.

It works perfectly. You can too.

For Item A, I did it by mentoring a tea lady to be a Document Controller who work and performed well in a short span of time. We achieved ISO 9001:2000 accreditation in just seven months. I also experimented with individual ties as it is the essence of a team work. Listen to their problem and help them out. The problem actually hinders them from performing well. Item B is a complimentary essence from Item A.

Item C is another thing that I have been practicing throughout my career. I basically reduce the cost of office expenditure with a few steps and techniques. By utilizing and exploiting the internet as a facility to reduce conventional tool reliance and less time consuming. The crew and staffs work diligently with information are made available at real-time speed. This will ease updates of information and orders compare to snail mails and unnecessary phone calls and fax as well. Currently, I am still building up a portal for my project communication.

I hardly gets the chance to practice Item D but so far one particular purchase will surely described this perfectly. I bought my house for RM125,300 after surveying it for a month. I give a deep thought and financial analysis prior to the purchase. Three weeks after the transaction, my broker told me the price of my purchase increased dramatically to RM161k++. The newspaper advertised the sales at this price. That is the market selling price and maybe I could sell it at a forced selling price of RM155k if I am broke (that would not be likely). This is good enough to cover my bank interest and the uncertainty of the BLR rate. I assume that my particular unit will be price higher since it has a spectacular view of surrounding nature. Needless to say some of the renovation and upgrading works done.

Previous trip back home, I intended to furnish my home. Instead of getting into all the mess of interest from purchasing furnitures at Chan Furniture and Courts Mammoth, I survey the necessities and by only being nice to the sales person at these places, I found the best deal in my life. I purchase a few coffee table which actually heftily priced close to a thousand Ringgit for only RM50 a piece. The only defect is either a broken door or scratched side surface. I can have these fixed by my friend, a Filipino craftsman for only RM60 a day. That is surely something I picked up at Item E.

Something like this. Leather coffee table with leather stitches

My websites are truly made of Item F. These websites are less fancy compare to some other websites which are heavily flashed. I emphasize the services it could offer. Visit my websites and you can see the services I have to offer.

Lastly, I have been working professionally. I enjoy my career as an Engineer from Site Engineer to Assistant Technical Director and now as a Resident Engineer. I was offered in several occasions to be the MD for the company but I declined due to the calculated risk. I was the Regional Manager for AAC Air (a subsidiary) for Asia Pacific region as well. I was flown up with the potential buyers regularly when I dealt with aircraft buyers. It was an Eagle 150B. At site I have the chance to sail and work on boats and some other big machines. I have fun with all the tools and machineries. I also used to a lot of gadgets. I own the first O2 XDA around Kuching. I used to carry it around 2003 and 2004. Basically, the computer supplier asked me about that gadget's operation frequently. I see it as a reward for all the smart works and being decisive in all of my company's dealing. This is Item G definitely.

That is the aircraft, 9M-ACA

On the recently purchased boat and soon to be crew boat

Many of my top management and top flight friends who are MD, CEO, COO and even Chairman enjoy and support Arsenal. They did stress one thing for sure that is "low cost and yet very effective, not to forget; it is entertaining to see the effective processes end up with a good result".

F words collection & glossary - Fuck SSAS Form 4 Boys

2008-10-22T01:28:00.040+08:00

I found these fuckers at you tube as I browse through all the older Beavis and Butthead "Cornholio" videos. Well, they think they can speak more language and swear out all the vulgar words? Okay I think I can give them a big fuck for what these delirious monkeys have said / rhyme / rap/ shout? Form 4 boys from SSAS (SSAS Sekolah Sultan Alam Shah) swearing all the vulgar words they can find in their dictionary/exposed to. I pity you kiddos with no talent trying to make something out of your free time and it is really annoying. The Ministry of Education, gave Rm500,000.00 to this school for Cluster School Project? Educating these retards? You hardly detach from your mum's titties and you are swearing, thinking that you are a sexually active adult? I think I will see these fuckers (and their cheap mask) again in handphone-recorded-porn videos circulated in the Internet very soon. Idiots!! You better go to science museum and try to be a cosmonaut. Hell yeah!

See how a DAYAK can swear them off with better deal of F Words. Watch me and make a comparison for yourself.

They have ONLY said these

Butuh (and variation Lancau)
Puki (and variation Pantek, Burek, Burit, Cibai, Pantat, Kimak, Pukimak)
Bodoh (and variation Bangang, Tolol, Bahlol, Bodoh Gile)
Sial (and variation Celaka)
Boleh Blah (and variation Kluar dari sini)

Babi, Sondal, Fuck off, Sial, Anak Haram, Anjing Kurap, Hantu, Taiu ni ma, Chau Chibai, Chou Kanasai, Meh butuh Punya orang?, Shithole, Mother fucker, son of a bitch, Fuck you man? Shoot your pant off? - VERY LIMITED, Hellooooo Fucker!! Can you smell what you monkeys are made off? (Veronicle's quote of the century)

Unia Si? (Are you sure? - Is that a vulgar word?)
Lim chiu, chau cibai (drink alcohol, stinky pussy! -Err isn't that sentence constructed wrongly?)
Wrong! Wrong! - He swear better than his English. Pardon him.
Bayar Kereta? - Typical orang Boleh Land.
Eh hiau Mei lang kong Butoh punya orang? - Erm, Can swear at people? Nothing relevant here.
Angmo wa? - English? So do I. Even better I must say. Hahahaha. SSAS did a lousy job in educating their student. Poor command of English I must say. Future Malaysian-Russian Cosmonaut! I forgot about that.

Former SSAS student: Air one-two gore the space ship. Gore space up up. See world turn round round. No test test. We buy you a-low-prank lot lot. Very a lot! Fleas! Tank Queue. I want to go to the space station. I want to see the earth revolving around the solar system. However, I do not want to do any experiment and in lieu of this, I will purchase of your jet fighters. Lots of your aircraft. Please reconsider. Thank You.
Russians: Отсутствие путя! Вы крыса пакостной земли гадостная маленькая. (Vulgar! You dirty and filthy rat.*Retributions time*)

Two years after dropping out from Your&I.TM Business School and got fired while working with Mr. Shaariibuu at Mongolia, he applied for the space program. He learned how to speak the Russian language half-corked and sounded like a horny Bulgarian street flasher.

Former SSAS student: Я насильник. Пожалуйста зачислите меня для вашей программы космонавта пожалуйста. I am a *Tooot*! Please enroll me for your cosmonaut program if you will, please.
Russians: Вы можете обтереть мой приклад с ваш лизать сперва. После этого, я буду рассматривать вас после моей водочки. Вы смотрите как тощий страшно кот с вашим ' смогите' сновидения. Go to hell! идиот!! (You can lick my *toot*clean! I will then decide after I have my Vodka. You look like a freaking cat. Vulgar! Vulgar! Toott! More Vulgar words. *Retributions time*)

That is all I managed to trace in their video clip with dozens of rap and shouting repeating at the background like petrified macaques, monkeys and of course; chimps. You try to trace the other words or sentences but then, they are lousy don't you think so?

Look at these vulgar words. They are merely variations of a few bloody words they could possibility think off. They are not even up to par compare to me if I would like to screw to them in vulgar words instantly and spontaneously. Further more, they would not understand my swearing! Why bother?

Okay now. Are you ready for me? Let me tell you that I have a bigger magnitude of curses when I curse at people more than these few fagot monkeys. Treat the following listed swearing and curses directed to these few SSAS monkeys. Bunch of Fags!

Kaninasaneiguyongchowcibaikia, Tiau nyia ma, Tiau nyia sibut kung kaw kaw a, Thai lin ngong, Chukew piang, Si chu ma ong, Nyia mei kung thai, chia po thai, Pun nyin tiau, Chau cibai, Choi lap, Kaima! Apchai! Kamlan! Chion Choi! Lu mak bei tahan, tak ji sio phu! Nyia pak ta sui chung, Nyia ma nyien sun tiau, Ham ka chan! Ham ka leng! Nyia kai kuku ciau lah. Nyia kai fung piet piet pun nyia kung tiau! Nyia ma law kew sun tiau! Nyia ma kung tai po tai!

Butuh, Anak haram, Babi, Laknat, Celaka, Pukimak, Haram jadah, Sial, Anjing, Pantek, Lembu! Sondal! Anak jalang! Anak jalanan! Pelacur! Anak Ayam sundal! Kepala Butuh. Kepala bana datuk ko kat kampung tu. Kepala lutut! Konek kurap bapak ko! Pungkok hang! Tetek mu! Gege a mu ni! Makan taik babi. Isap kotei bapak kau la! Jolok puki mak kau! Ko ni macam pantat anjing! Muka macam barua kampung. Setan! Dajal! Iblis! Binatang! Bengap! Budak bodoh! (best category for these retards). Macam bapok pencen! Otak udang! Bikin malu bumiputera! Buang karen! Buat malu! Buang masa! Buat habis beras bapak! Buang duit kerajaan! Buat Malu sekolah! Buat Malu Sultan Selangor! Dasar budak dungu! Budak Hingusan! Kulum butoh anjing a! Suara macam katak puru rindu hujan!

Kemak kau, Taik palat kau, Jubor kau lah, Palak butoh kau, Encebei pukimak kau! Lengkong! Gai kali! Kedak asuk kampong! Nang kemak kali! Pandei ngelocok jak! Burut!

Pitchkumatei! Fukulolo! Ibn Himar! Bakana!

Pundek! Tundun! Kuligaran Kupei!

Fuck you! Son of a bitch! Faggots! Bloody fool! Bunghole! Bitch! Asshole! Analroxcea! Fucking pussy! Dickhead! Tweet! Mutt! Shit! Dick weed! Retards! Idiot! Bastard! Pea brain! Bird brain! Maggots! Cookoo! Doggone! Loser! Slacker! Sucker! Lamer! Poser! AIDS inflicted fuckers! Bastard! Cheap Whore! Homos! Clown! Jokers! Street Hooker!
Go and Fly Uncle Charlie's Kite Off! (FUCK OFF)

Tuloi sama muu lah! Tului mu isit! Kiande amu! Tektel muu ayuh! Tobiet sinde muu ayuh, ogik giuk! Botah tobiet sinde mu, Kobos muu tia oboh tului sama muu, Kopok tului muu, Maan toki, Nduak masing oku leh, Pakeh amu,
Nyam keh tului ku? Paguh leh,
Kirieng budua!!

Kindai nuan, Amput indai nuan, Parai nuan lagik ku amput! Butuh apai nuan! Bengal! Lungau! Janik! Ngepap taik aku waii!
Nda nemu nama-nama, nemu amput asuk ajak nuan neh wai,
Pelir nuan! Puki nuan! Uduok! Keling lelengau ke capi!
Bajik? Baka jelu!
Lanjut butuh nuan!
Sikuk-sikuk aku pantap pala bala nebiak tu.
Nda nemu utai, paloi amat nuan cak.
Ancau kibung, lagik aku ngasuh janik amput indai ngau inek nuan.
Laut!!! Bakanya meh Laut(I love this one, hehehe)

Belabak ko, Puki tai ko, Tantalau ko, Tonton ko, Kindet! Tasuk! Santut kuyak!

I am tired, I leave those comment section for you to continue and improvise. So much more in my brain but if I swear, these are the common words I will use.

Basically, I am not so proud swearing around but I surely will not come up with such stupid video in You Tube and show my limited knowledge as well as my incapabilities. Well, as you know; people from the other side is always lack of knowledge. Hahahaha! Very Funny! Thanks for the education policies, Tong Loktor Mahu-there.

Fucking fagots! Please, don't you dare to try or do any of these stunts because you are insulting my intelligent. Worst, you compose that song for a few days. You are extremely a lousy rapper so as your vocabulary and vague in understanding the meaning of your swearing. Sadly, you are horribly bad if not clueless in constructing your sentences and rhyme. Sucks big time! A big L on your forehead. Get it? Losers!

For now, it is clear that SSAS breed losers and retards exponentially! Go and Fly Uncle Charlie's Kite Off! for wasting the tax payer's money. 500k for these kids? Yeah! Hallucinating kids. Our legislator must be sure that they BOLEH do something in life rather than mimicking rock stars as they wear songkok and do a Nu-punk cum hip-hop with a twist of dondang sayang and kuda kepang dance (in their other videos). Foreigner may assume that this is our traditional dance, I call it the itchy monkey dance. They stomp like sexual perverted monkeys wearing thick sweater and best; they dance with a pair of striking colored toilet flip-flop.

Thanks for ruling my country, the BOLEH Land. Hell No, you lousy politicians! Screw you and your so-called family tree in your self proclaim, full of discrepancies and unjust, national history book! You can tear it and give to Beavis as he always need TP for his Bunghole.

New Idea again

2008-10-21T02:17:00.001+08:00

I just got a new idea and I have just drafted the layout.

What you think about Putatan, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah?

The site will be not be disclose any sooner. Hehehe. Try to tell me where is it?

I have been browsing empty plot of land around Sabah and I few suitable candidates to be develop for tourism and housing. You have some land to spare? Let me check it out and see if there is anything can be done about it. Page me A.S.A.P.

Yahoo!

Beach Bum!

2008-10-20T19:36:00.007+08:00

Alright, this is one the many photos I have taken at the beach, yesterday. Hehe! I did not have the mood for any vibrant blog yesterday, so I post it today. Beach Bum on the loose. Catch him if you can. Here also a photo of my cute toy represent my beloved dog Sumo. I will always have him regardless of the distant. Saw him chilling at his special pool? Yeah, good dog goes to heaven on VIP ticket too.

Bored of racist and political motivated blogs

2008-10-20T12:12:00.003+08:00

It comes to my conscience that I am bored of reading blogs of these natures. How about you?

All of these blogs speak about all cock and bull stories which hardly give any impact in my life and frankly, I think I have wasted my time on these bias blogs. Some of them declare themselves as non-racist however their writing turn out to be a racist infected bullshits. When racist come to play as an essence of these writings, political views resurface and poor judgment can be made by non-mature readers with the attitude of half-pass-six.

You can go on reading it and to your amusement for sure, the bloggers are history maker filled with their own theories and not even 1% made it for hypothesis's. Everybody wants to be a chronicler at their own right or are they just merely a writer with lots of free time?

You decide.

SUMO Beer Rating - SKOL Beer

2008-10-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

SKOL Beer

Country of Origin : Europe
Brewer : Carlsberg Brewery
Alcohol Percentage : 5%

It taste like Carlsberg and it is manufactured by Carlsberg Malaysia.

Actually it taste bitter just like Carlsberg. Not so smooth compare to most outstanding beer. On paper it is highly rated. But it is best you taste it yourself and by the way, one of the cheapest around. So no point in beating around the bush as third largest selling beer if its cheap but taste fairly acceptable.

SUMO Beer Rating - F&N Ginger Beer

2008-10-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

F&N Ginger Beer

Country of Origin : Malaysia
Brewer : F&NCC Beverages
Alcohol Percentage : 0%

It have just the name and no alcohol contain.

It is a non-alcoholic beer however it special flavor is outstanding. The ginger essence gave the beer its own taste. It taste like every other soda drink actually. So I have to give a low rating for misleading and no alcohol contain. The only element that saves them for this rating is the taste.

Cheater!!

A Walk to remember (A Tribute to the Soldiers who died serving the Queen and fight against Japanese occupation)

2008-10-19T19:24:00.003+08:00

Today, there has not been much things to do. I am half way through my Fantasy Resort design and I think it is time to relax. There is no overtime at my project site. It is Sunday. Yesterday, I did push the contractor to do some more work before taking off the weekend. Actually it is needless for me to push them to work as I am the Resident Engineer who foresee their quality of work for the client.

Now I need a good rest. I need food too. Waking up late and it is almost noon, I gave a call to my contractor. I need a breakaway. He agreed to kick off with some cool spots. But as you know, Labuan has no shopping complexes and mall so the only available spots will be the tourism attraction.

Labuan War Cemetery

I parked our car outside the cemetery parameters and open the fence. It is a view of horror and also amazement. Look at all those graves. Lots and lots of them arrange in a very beautiful geometrical way. It was sunny and I walk under the sun. Thinking about their contribution to bring back peace to the country. This island was known as Victoria Island when the British occupied it.

As I walk through the soft grass, graves of the unknown soldier. At first, I have no notion until I saw the tomb stone of one particular soldier. It is the grave to one of the soldiers who have sacrificed for the land he hardly known and a nation who have no regards for his motherland. He have given his eyes, tooth, body and his soul to fight the oppressors. He is a Jew and he died for our country, Malaysia. It is kind of sad. This patriotic soul surely is very lonely as their family could not make it into our country since we ban Jews from entering our country. If only I can recite the Torah for him.

I surely do hope that this particular grave not to be move as we always know our country always supersede actual history with some Tinker-Belle-Tell tales. A Jew have died for our country and look at ourselves, I felt that we are ignorance and full of shit probably in the eyes of the world. But let it be, at least I have given a deep thought of us being a selfish Asian ass. I walk further and read more the tomb stone.

I paused for a photo shoot at the Punjab Memorial Column. Names of dead heroes who hardly earn their rank and not to say their wages. They are also a few medical officers who perished during this unnecessary war.

Then, I walk further to the center and pause for another photograph. I can not be long as the afternoon spare me less time but the cemetery capture my heart of the awesomeness of the patriots who have committed their life for the freedom that we have been enjoying. I must say that anybody who make a trip to Labuan, please make this cemetery as one of your destinations.

Pay tribute to these souls who have actually contribute to the building of our nation regardless of their background and their religion. They deserve your one minute of silence and if you have time, give a thoughtful pray to thank them.

Lastly, I salute all these soldiers for their bravery and courage. May God speed your soul and give you a special place in heaven for your act in fighting the unjust. Your honorable sacrifice is always in my heart. Lest we forget!

A tribute to the fallen heroes of the World War II

The Peace Park

The Peace Park was built as a memorial and renunciation of the horrors of the war. When I arrived, there is a feeling of belonging to this particular park. I have been here previously in 1994. I was doing my Chargeman Certificate for two weeks after my SPM (almost equivalent to O'Level during my year). However, I can not recall the other places such as the shop and so on. This is the only prominent spot that still well intact in my memory of Labuan. Besides, the name Jeffery (and other Godfrey variation) means peace anyway.

It was not like stepping into a time machine but it is rather a flashback of Labuan when I first reached here. The first thing I want to see is the Memorial Mound. I just want to see how high is it since that has been playing in my mind all the while.

I take a stroll around the park, it still the same since before. Just love those beautiful landscape and all those memories with my lost friends; Lai Choo Chek and Chai (forgot his name even though I rode his bike to tuition before, I am sorry- Now, after 3 hours, I remember, he is Chai Chee Seng) reminisce in my mind. The whole Labuan film role is used up here and only here.

I do not have any grudge toward the Japanese for their occupation in our country. They did it with the believe to unite Asia with the propaganda Asia for Asian. Of course they left the scar of war here where in our country. The Dayaks are less susceptible to the Japanese aggression compare to the Chinese who have to resort to MPAJA and communist. But many Dayaks help the British and the Autralian soldier in many occasion. (Maybe one day I will write a book about the Sarawak Ranger who play vital role in fighting communist and the part they played in the infamous 13th May. Upon readers' request).The Indian also felt the atrocities. The others, used to be Kempetai or just play safe. Like most Germans, the Japanese detest war after having to go through great difficulty during the post-war era. Let us all hope that we will not witness anymore carnage, massacre and blood bath in our peaceful country.

I posed for a few photos and hurried back to car and continue to wonder through the road of the island without any particular spot in mind. I roam the beaches and snapped photos and then return back to my room and post this out. Beach photos?

Since we are talking about the tribute of the fallen soldier, I wish to backtrack to one particular spot that always have its place in my heart.

Kundasang Memorial Garden (Backtrack)

I have been here couple of time and it seems that I never get bored of this particular spot but learn more about it. This particular memorial is a symbol of the bitter experience that most of the soldiers from Britian, Australia, New Zealand and India have to go through to assist the Queen's distress Colony.

I think that I would never have to endure this kind of horrific experience and I thank these men with valor whom made our country a peaceful nation and homeland of the so-called 'Bolehs'.

***
Bolehs are the Malaysians who think he/she could achieve anything which initially foreseen as a failure or uncertain in results.

Eg. "MV Agusta Boleh make profit. very Sure! Buy it now". Eventually after buying it, it was sold to other party for only RM1. "I thought it Boleh make money", says the Managing Director".

Eg. "We have two cosmonauts who Boleh go to space and do experiment". Then he came back with ruined experiments and no result. "However, He boleh tell stories to kindergarten kids on how to earth spin"

Contradict to Martin Luther King who achieved what he want after he elocuted his poem, "I have a Dream".

***

The memorial is situated at the foot of Mount Kinabalu, the highest mountain in South East Asia. The entrance fee is RM2 for the local and for the foreigner, it is slightly expensive. This is not profit oriented ticket, it is use to maintain the serene garden. From the entrance, it seems to have nothing much inside.

After the first stair toward the top, to my amazement; it is one of the most beautiful garden dedicated to the fallen heroes. The garden is within the fortress-like wall. At the first entrance, there is a bronze plaque take center stage with grassy square in front. It is so tranquil, I can feel the feeling of relieved soldier who carried the burden and the suffering of the war. But that soldier is not here anymore. They died as unsung heroes and sometime have no space for their name.

This is a photo of my Dad (a true hero) at the Memorial.

I carefully read the plaque about the Death March to Ranau. It was a horrendous journey into the deep tropical jungle infested with mosquitoes and insects. The jungle which hardly known to the Australian, New Zealander and British has taken the toll. They suppose be coolies at Jesselton since they are the 455 fittest POWs.

I continued my journey as I walk past through a garden which is really English. Pine trees and other garden fittings seems to be very Victorian (let me know if I am wrong here). There are miniature flags of these three countries everywhere. The wall are filled with beautiful creepers as well. It is just breathtaking. This combined with the cool climate at Ranau makes you feel like your somewhere else overseas. I walk further to explore the whole place. Gardens and more beautiful gardens emerged in front of me.

I am happy that this memorial has been taken care after being abandon for a while. I found myself entering the third gate. Another beautiful place with a small pool in the middle. At both sides, the name of the fallen soldiers showed me what the cost of war could be. Needless to say the uncounted civilian who also perished. Columns and timber joist decorates the hallway toward another section.

I walk further in front. I have missed that particular section the last time I was here with my dad. I was swayed by the view. I am there speechless by the spectacular view. I have never expected this and furthermore, I would pay RM20 for entrance fee if only I know the view is this beautiful. I switch my camera on and start to snap dozens of photos.

Kundasang Memorial Garden is one of the place that I have engraved dearly into my heart as a place of beauty. The beauty of sacrifices men would make for the sake of freedom and the beauty of the mountain.

As what people always said. The patriots are special peoples. They have a big heart, high in courage and Mount Kinabalu to match it.

To our patriots, regardless of your origin, you are our true heroes. Without you, Malaysian will have nothing and Labuan will still be Maida Island. May God bless your soul and shower your families with joy and fortunes after your miserable yet beautiful death. Amen!

Sneak peak of Fantasy Resort

2008-10-19T03:26:00.001+08:00

Here a sneak peak on my current on going work. Do you like the design? No more information to be release out. Until then. Buy my design. Hehehehe

SUMO Beer Rating - San Miguel Pale Pilsen Beer

2008-10-19T03:15:00.000+08:00

San Miguel Pale Pilsen Beer

Country of Origin : Philipines
Brewer : San Miguel Brewery
Alcohol Percentage : 5%

San Miguel Brewery had been brewing beer since 1890. Need to say more?

It really taste nicer compare to the Jaz Beer. Distinctive for the flavor and less bitter. It gives that smooth taste when you are having it. A pleasant beer not only for partying but for those who indulge beer alone or watching TV. It did not irritate you at all and give you that burping effect. A good beer for anyone at any age.

Make it one of your regular choice. Wow, it really give that heavy head. Drowsy but not drunk. Wowwww!!

Arsenal Tress - Everton Uno

2008-10-18T21:21:00.000+08:00

Arsenal lo hizo otra vez. La venida de la espalda y lo gana con estilo. A mi alivio, la primera mitad está llena de mierda. Quizás, después de que tomara mi baño durante la interrupción de juego, yo logro quitar toda la mala suerte.

Un juego de equilibrio hasta que comienzo para conseguir interrupción aún, los demás son la historias. Anteriormente, ellos resbalaron puntos y se rasuran sus puntos cumulativos. Optimistamente ellos serán el campeón para la Liga Primera. Espero que ellos ganen las Ligas de Campeón desde que ellos comienzan la campaña maravillosamente.

Ahora, ellos están acerca de a en el dilema como la otra temporada desde que heridas han realizado el primer equipo. Espere una recuperación rápida. Dios Velocidad

Arsenal did it again. Coming from the back and win it with style. To my relief, the first half is full of shit. Perhaps, after I took my bath during the game break, I manage to wash away all the bad luck.

It a balance game until start to get break even, the rest is history. Previously, they slipped points and shave their cumulative points. Hopefully they will be the champion for Premier League. I do hope they win the Champion Leagues since they start the campaign with flying colors.

Now, they are about to into dilemma just like the other season since injuries has effected the first team. Hope for a speedy recovery. God Speed

I miss the Andy Gray and Martin Tyler, my favorite commentators who always uplift the spirit and the environment of the game. Now, far away with Internet connection; I have to settle with Spanish speaking dudes. What a lark! Damn it!!

SUMO Beer Rating - Jaz Beer

2008-10-18T20:54:00.001+08:00

Jaz Beer

Country of Origin : Malaysia
Brewer : Napex Corporation Sdn. Bhd.
Alcohol Percentage : 5.5%

A Boleh Land beer. Manufactured at Port Klang, Selangor.

The taste is bad but still have a 2/5 rating due to its nature of hygienic production. I do not think there is any possibility I would gulp any more. It is quite bitter but lite. Fairly smooth. I recommend it for leisure use when you run out of any possible beer. It still could occupied your drinking session.

SUMO Drinking Rating

2008-10-18T20:30:00.000+08:00

Hey there beer lovers.

From now on there will be a section weekly about beer tasting. All these beers are available at Labuan. So hope you think will be useful to buy your next beer. Have a nice weekend.

Toast to the new beginning of beer tasting..

Cheerrrs!!

One out of five stars means very low rating

Five out of five stars mean very high rating

Dave Days ft Friends

2008-10-18T16:09:00.001+08:00

Hey boys and girls,

Check this out. Dave Days is a independent band you should check out.

Yeah a few videos, you should check out such as...

Miley Cyrus - 7 Things - Parody

Burnin' Up Miley Cyrus!

Miley Cyrus, I can't wait to see You

Yeah. Trust me, this is the band we have been waiting for. I love Miley's Cardboard. Feel like I want to have one of Miley Cyrus cardboard in my office. Hahhaa. Not at home. Never. Hahaha or I get screwed big time.

Fuck Sketch up!

2008-10-18T02:21:00.001+08:00

Can you believe this. I have been wasting close to 10 hours of professional designing labor due to software bugs? OMG! Damn it.

Imagine this.

10 hours x £200/hour = £2000, for my professional design
2 hours x £40/hour = £80, for my rendering
10 hours/400 hours x £2,000,000 = £50,000, for my proposal

Phase III of my design; the Kuta Villa, Bali

I have just lost my £52,080 due to this bug.

I feel really fucked up right now, I want to punch my screen. Damn it! Worst, date line is getting too near, that I barely have time to continue. I found out later that my so-called dual core computer which suppose to put super power have no graphic cards. Duhhh!!! Now I think I can not proceed with this design, the bug sure will reappear regardless of how slow I orbit my design during the process. Perhaps my RAM too play some part. It exceed I Gigabyte when I open my drawing and it takes about 15 minutes to load my design.

Well, I shall proceed with other proposal which have lesser possibility of a bug.

Now, forget about Palm Meridian design, straight to the new design called Fantasy Resort.

Friday night is surely a long boring night. I do not indulge in clubbing or anything similar. I have retired from all this sort of activity. Maybe occasionally I would. I have to go back to my Sketch up. Life is too short for partying. I think I would party when this proposal approved someday.

Adios Amigos. Yibaa Yibaa andle andleeee....

Dayaks are natural born Moguls

2008-10-17T13:26:00.000+08:00

Part I

I was browsing through the papers today. Something hit me hard and inspire me to continue to live on a dream to be someone who is financially successful, rich with social obligations, the man with caches of money in Swiss bank and the father who leave royalty for their offspring as payroll. Try to figure that out. That is one dream that is hard to achieve. The first two element is the easiest although I would say it is the hardest thing to come by.

Financially successful means to obtain legitimate income after clearing my tax off. This is in form of cash money and easy to liquidise properties. I surely have no interest in bond and stocks. This list will not even comprehend what the liabilities are, what more to list it here. I will not be rich my stating all the names of my debtors and their values.

Social obligation means an obligation to build a platform and to bring excellence to the group of people we have selected to be part of. In this particular obligations, I shall obligate myself to develop and spearhead the Dayak toward a better future both socially and financially. I shall create a non-profit and non-political group to stand up this challenge and contributes to these success. All these attributes of success shall expand through time and nature.

Caches of money will be something I shall have which are contributions from financial success and shall be made from legitimate source and declarable at anytime whenever is necessary.

A father who leave royalty as their heir and heiress payroll is another dream of my own. Regardless the situation and passage will be, I have made ready a royalty for my offspring before and after my passing to ensure the development of my generation goes steadily. This is of course different than what is known as last will.

I seem that I have written a decree for myself. Well at least there is something to hold on and as principle of life.

Part II

So are Dayaks a natural born Mogul? Yes, they are. They are a natural born mogul in all sort of field, however the Dayaks are the less fortunate people. They have been working hard all these years to reach certain point in life. Nevertheless, this is just the beginning. Compare to other natives around, Dayaks have leap further throughout the years and advance far ahead in various field. The younger generation revolutionized and embrace themselves for the upcoming challenges.

Talking to some of the Dayaks will leave a very deep impact on you. Do not be fooled by their appearance which seems to be timid and very reserve. They are watching you and learning from you without you noticing it. They are also one of the best in mimicking and a profound imitator around. Due to this, they have been one of the preferred workers for most of the local company due to their nature of being very hardworking. After a while of hardship, they are deemed to be the asset of the company and labor on administrative and supervisory level. Besides, their way of life has never change. They earn merits and credits from hardship and wisdom. I would not say they all but most of the Dayaks earn their rights in their career slow but very prudent. At the end, they excelled and outdone most of their colleagues and comrades of different race.

The development of the Dayaks considered as a rapid development. It is not an enhancement if one want to compare to the other part of the world. Seventy years back, they are still wearing their 'chawat' or loincloth and moving around with their machete and hunting is their prime activity. Contrast to current situation where most of the youngster speaks in their mother tongue at home. Outside, in the public areas; you will be amazed to hear them speaks really good English to an extend sometimes with certain British and American (black or whites) accents. They are now have slingshot to be the leader of the pack in most of the technological and engineering division. They speaks less mambo jumbo like certain other group of natives who filled their day with jokes and pranks. Most of them also detest dirty and sleazy talks as well as polygamy.

They are clearly no nonsense group of people. They do not indulge in unprofitable conversation and acts like others do. They also do not condoned racism like others do. They stick by the general rule of "Making your own money". These are the peoples who are also quite good in keeping their income source. They have vast savings but alas, sometime the bank account saving, bonds and paper saving is less profitable.

Part III

The Bidayuhs are one of the most independent Dayaks you can find. They hardly own large size land due to their nature of living close by. Besides, they have been involved in plantation rather than fishing and hunting in the jungle during the older days. They are fortunate group of people where they are quite exposed to trade and commerce earlier than the others but this create their biggest setback. They have learn the trade and have the appropriate skills and know-how but they are hindered from excellence due to financial constrain. They hardly come up with enough money as a capital to start a business. They do not have any collateral to offer the financial institution for financial assistant.

Some may say that they should go to the government for assistant but many of the Dayaks refuses if not reluctant. When you ask them why? They will say the same thing over and over. They are the second class natives of the country and why bother. Is that true? I deem this is true since many have tried and failed in applying for financial aid. Instead of giving financial aid to the Dayaks who start a good workshop for cheaper service fee and create a competative markets, the Government back the other natives with their Coconut Bun business which have no significant except to fill their munching machine like esophagus in their bellies.

These are the issues that have been a nightmare for every Dayak. Instead they resume their career and advanced through the organization. Most Dayak prefer to work with the Chinese since the Chinese are peoples who give merits to people who deserved it. The Chinese hardly employ the other natives beside the Dayaks. The Dayaks are the people who are reserve and give less resistant when an legitimate work order is out. They carry out the task in resilient as they know they are benefiting it as part of their resume.

Part IV

Years ago, the some Chinese labeled the Dayak cynically as tapioca eater. Now, some of the Chinese realize that the Dayaks are now has fully mature and start to pressure them into a very competitive market. The technical and services fee is getting lower as the Dayaks press on the pressure to win the market. This has actually effecting the Chinese from business side of view where they can not cope with small margin. Most of the Chinese maintain their business but heavily rely on other sort of income which the Dayaks are keeping up with.

Many Chinese salute the Dayaks for their advancement compare to the other native. The Dayaks are the people who accomplish their task on time, great precision and with quality. They are also labeled as peoples who do not boot-lick their bosses. They have been very straight forward or sometime they just keep all those petty problems to themselves.

Besides, sometime the Dayaks are use to the Chinese advantages but also to the Dayaks benefits. The Chinese will appoint a technical and tactical Dayak front man of the company. This allow a bumiputera or native front man to held talks and meetings with the other native representing the client. The Dayak front man benefited a lot as he was educated and equipped with valuable knowledge to handle their counterpart. All the education and free practice offered by the Chinese company gives the Dayak front man previously are the tools he need when he start his own business some day. Unlike others who are purely proxies without knowledge.

Part V

Months ago, a young man whom I knew from my previous project shows me that a Dayak is natural businessman. He started as a worthless kid who hardly do anything. He is a lazy young bummer after school days. I believe he has lack of direction due to the condition of his village. He is a crossbred Dayak and most of the time he hang out the other type of native. He never make up to the grade. Previously he work as a tent builder where he install tent for weddings and occasion. It is a tiring work. He got another job because another Dayak need a bike ride to work. As he usually send his friend to work. After a while, the Chinese boss invites him to work. He started the work as goofy assistant to the company.

But I found out that he is quite a nice guy. I first him at my project site which is far away from his home. The project site is at another state actually. He admits that he do not know anything about electrical and hopefully I do not mind as well. He is just an assistant and only do a few simple wiring before. Throughout the project, he showed his willingness to learn new things. I thought him a few installation techniques which he have never did before. I always yelled," Do not even try to bring shame to the Dayaks. You, A Dayak must be smart and competent". I am not so sure if my words has effected him totally.

I ask him if did not mind the condition of the temporary dwelling area. It is a store with no ventilation fan and no electricity. The room will be hot throughout the night since it is facing the sunset. He slept on boxes. He told me he is doing this for his family and he traveled the distant to ensure he will be taught on most installation. That is his express ticket to know everything in the fastest span of time. It proves to be true and he have to do most of the installation. He choose a situation which enable him to work and pressure him with workloads. He survived it and he learned most of the wiring techniques. Anyway, he was not a goofy electrician. Instead a smart Dayak try to get more out of free education.

I bid him farewell and then I met him once back home. To my surprise, he is doing the trade I taught him earlier. In only one occasion, he learned all the trade and have just finished installing goods at a commercial building. It was the Sarawak Security Building. I caught him with a tool box and a ladder alone. He is doing it without an assistant. I am happy that at least someone is benefiting what I have taught them.

I met him for another time. The project site is about to commission. He was specially flown down to check all the work. He is so impressive, he is now talking about forming a company with another Dayak engineer back home. He has climbed to another level of business trade. He will be in charge of technical installation. He talks about commission and pricing. This is no simple trade, we are talking about general wiring, sub main cabling, CCTV installation, sound system and IT socket installation as well as server configuration. The government agency who maintain the client's server offered him a good job in front of his boss which pissed his boss very much. He learn the whole trade in two years. Can you believe it, the project last longer than the duration he need to learn everything in his trade? Does he show that like most Dayaks, they strive for excellence? It shows that Dayak are smart and competent people.

Part VI

I am talking about one particular individual. You will cross over many others highly educated engineers and technical personnel who seat on high position before they even reach their 30s. However, as I have always stress in this article; the Dayaks can not make it any higher due to financial constrain, mistreated and down graded by government policies. I am not putting any blame but this is the real scenario in the country. The Dayaks are competing with some other natives who are sitting duck and others who are just proxies who earn their money as they play golf. This is not royalties from copyrights income. You go and figure it out. Foreigner, I can help you in digesting this whole article and the Dayaks' oppression.

I must say it is a bad state of governing the Dayaks. Dreams are made from the worst one's can get. I can write a whole book in formulating the Dayak success but it means nothing. It is a struggle more than books, formulas, grant and so on. We can have a chamber to assist but without funds to appropriate individual and organization also means nothing. It is about hands on battle against our self ignorance and exposure to the global world.

Once we fight against our self ignorance, we will see and understand the true picture of the whole reality. When we fight against our ignorance, we will look at our side and assist our brothers to propel forward.

Exposure to the global world ive sufficient knowledge in revamping new methodology to cater our knowledge and knowhow to be the best player of at local scene and competitive player of the world market.

I have seen a lot but I have yet to feel any Dayaks have gone through the margin of being a Millionaire in their own field. Millionaire due to inheritance is another story. I have the feeling that in 10 years time when things start to go well, the Dayaks will business Moguls especially in technical and management field. They have the genetics of being a mogul. Let us put a stop in their financial constrain and unleash them as challenger to the local scene, they will be almighty good.

Part VII

Mr. Idris Jala. He is doing it well in Malaysian Airlines and previously in Shell. He have a method of doing things the right and appropriate way without loosing his composure. He love to strum his guitar and a generous man who donates a lot to his church. A good example for most Dayaks, as he came from Bario; a small village at the plateau.

Imagine if only Mr. Idris Jala got the financial opportunity to start a company dealing with Aircraft now. What would happen? Minus all the red tapes? He will excel and I believe Sir Richard Branson will not only give him the right to copy his business method but he possibly have embarked on a business partnership with Mr. Idris Jala.

Others? Needless to say, PROTON says it all. I guess my friend Veronica agrees. She have gone through hard time dealing with her new PROTON New-O. Scandals, MV Agusta and more.

Why? I remember once, The Kelabit ranks the seventh smartest ethnic in the world.

Part VIII

Politics is nothing but a crap shit in our country. It shows that many have sold their soul to get into politics. Is there any benefit for the Dayaks in these particular arena? I have yet to see any impact directed to the Dayaks.

Dayaks have been idling for years, waiting for financial aid. What do the Dayaks get from politics? Let me say it out loud. Monkeys, Proboscis, Macaques and a few gunny sack of peanuts. Do not laugh when I am saying this.

Are our politician progressive? They may be but they are sealed from anything somehow. When we look at the Dayaks Ministers in the cabinet lineup, they are highly qualified people with professional accreditations and highly experienced. Where does this bring them to? They not even in the playing zone with the other natives who are merely non-commercial degree holders and even worst, no better than a retired primary school teacher.

Most of them have no charisma and they are bubbly at most time. They speak no sense, they speak about IT when IT have proven to slap their face at the last round of General Election. What are they talking. Have they talk about the upcoming recession six months ago? I have well prepared myself for this round of recession. I have increment and project to hold on to for two years. Most of them have superficial knowledge and they will submit in any forum. Who make fun of themselves. Read the papers and you know that a number of smart-fool-ful people are governing you.

If this is the scenario, what are left for the Dayaks who are deemed to be the key in building the current government's election fortress. What do we get after we fortified their fortress. Free beers during the Gawai Dayak and that is the most. Next year, year 2009; there will be no more state level Gawai Celebration. Are we not fools? Our royalty from gasoline is stuck at the federal fund and now we would not be given any privilege to conduct our cultural celebration?

I think younger Dayaks maybe on the way to rebellion. I beg you not to start a rebellion. There is no point in having a rebellion. The Dayaks should be aware that they will not be entertain for any any demand. Do not even give a slightest thought of having the legislation change and uphold your right.

Just remember that, you have the upper hand in the national economy. You can use it if you know how to use it. What is a battle when every warlord having disputes over a well for bathing and drinking water? It would be an insult for the history book. I can assure some small time politicians and leaders as well who fought for us, hardly handle their credits. They bow to those superior in economy just to pay their bill. They have not yet taste what 'lavish' is, so are you sure they will help you through this turbulence period?

The Dayaks are well versed with trading and technical services. Use these skills to the Dayaks advantage. Anyway, economy is the main attribute to politics. You are the master of your ponies. The politicians are your ponies. Ride them and if they have broken leg, you either can slaughter them for meat during the cold or you can just let it die at the stable. I believe you would slaughter them for some good meat.

The Dayaks must not be involved deeply in politics. Look at the Jews, they are influential in politics and respected by law makers because the whole economy is within their reach. The Dayaks must follow this trend. Hold the economy and the legislator will bow to your feet.

I have not teach you any illegal method of distorting the government, for the future is near. Concentrate with the economy. I would like to see the Dayaks having their own influential Moguls around. A few in electronic medias, productions, trading, banking and finance and hopefully a play maker who have close ties with the rich outside the country.

These moguls must keep one thing in mind and that is empathy.

A mogul should build more institutions for non educational curricular in assisting values for the future crops. A special financial body must be made available to help the Dayaks kids. Dayak inner circle of commerce to ensure the money is circulated and generate healthy economy within. Lastly, a strong torrent of liquidized money during urgency within the community.

If Malaysian Ringgit pegging is allowed, why not we replicate a scenario similar to this. For example, business and trading with the Dayak merchant only. We can create rule for ourself and it is not illegal. This is what we called as "INITIATIVE".

Part IX

I have started a website and a group called the DAYAK TRADERS. This non-political group is another way for me to contribute all my knowledge and share my dream to have all the Dayaks moving forward and to excel.

I know it takes time but I have started the small steps. I am now currently looking for options and institution which can finance the Dayak. Dayaks have been oppressed and a victim of civil war during the Great Brunei Era. We fought among ourselves. The British did labeled us as a free mercenaries. I feel insulted when I read our history. I do not want our future generation to read things that symbolized our stupidity.

We have ushered in into an era where we are oppressed by our so-called legislation. The Dayak should not complaint since it had effected us clearly after Tunku Abdul Rahman steps down as a Prime Minister after being forced down by two scheming snakes which he have dearly entrusted.

Let me remind you that our misery should be our weapon of choice. Sealed and tucked nicely, element of surprise should be the next move. These are my words for your thought.

» Learn your enemy and do not underestimate them.

» Camouflaging is far better than intelligence.

» Form your own alliance and not partners.

» Forge your chariot bearing and feed your horses and not your spears, since it bring you no distance during war but burden.

» Fight during the dark with blow pipes instead risking yourself running amok with Machete and heavy wooden shield. Your strength is your last resort as you need it for your journey.

» The best way to attack a city is to depress their people since morality is key to defeats.

» Never fight your opponent from your hill side instead prowl into caves and climb toward the peak of the mountain where your opponent waits your attack from their hill side.

» Never bring back fresh head home and smoke instead, let the burning fire smoke the skull as you attack the next enemy stronghold. Time is of the essence.

» Sell the worthless skull when it starts to drought, instead decorate the your rival paramount leader's skull with ruby and sapphire when abundant. You can trade it for a boat.

» Once you deprive your enemy's leader, bring that colony with you. Do not torture or enslave them instead call them your younger brother. Make them your wife and tell them your story.

Follow these advice and the Dayaks will be Moguls soon. By then, you know the feeling of being superior than others.

Sitting here and diagnosing my CDs health

2008-10-17T00:31:00.000+08:00

It is kinda late at night. I got a nap just now and I am trying to kill my time. I can not continue doing any proposal since my head is saturated and I guess it is best to let the best idea to come and continue with my design work.

The office PC where I got to use everyday for all the work and cheap thrill.

Do you know that I have known the word blogging for quite sometime and actually I blog my personal anger in writing in my websites. I am not sure where the bloody writing is now. Perhaps it is in my Mac or in some other computer. It is kinda hard to find stuff I really want immediately since I have problem synchronizing all of my data. Not everything is in the hard drive. Sadly, I cooked one of my hard drive filled with data recently. 80 gigabytes of data. Tell me that is less significant? The time I spent in mining data from the net. Previously I also have blown one of my 160gigabyte hard drive.

I have modded this notebook. Modded and left dead in the store. Hehehe

Sometime, the oldest way of keeping data is better, safer and cool. Right now I am retrieving some kind of data I need to chill for the night. I am not expecting anything. I just browse as I keep track of CD's health. Make sure all data is in safe condition and looking for any possibility of broken structure and try to save it. It is important to have data retriever in case you storage about to loss it integrity. So here I am. Not expecting anything and yes, neither do I expecting you to read until this paragraph. Hahahaa. Silly you and fucking me a?

I miss my PC. After all the hard modding work, I have to leave it home.
This is the PC where I have blown the 160giga hard drive.

Actually, I am searching for some of the sketch I wrote years ago. Yeah some pretty awful nice one when you are down and depress. Darn! This Window Vista is really fucked up. I still prefer the ever stable Window 98. Window XP also another fucked up OS but I got to deal with it since it is the only platform I can use for most of the software. What the fuck. I burnt an empty folder into my backup disc. Weird!

Something to do with ArcGIS and Google Earth twinning with RESGIS Malaysia.

Hey, I read Veronica's Blog. I saw that blog address like for ages but I do not have the time to read it. Obviously it is seems to be like an excuse. Yeah. It is an excuse. I never read any blog before this. Sorry Veronica but at least I am your blog follower now. Can get even with that? To my surprise it seems to be I have wrongly judge her. Her writing style is cool. Way off cool than other GIFT members I must say. The way of expression is cool and I like the tempo of her vulgar words. It is entertaining. Well I must say, Veron is a seasoned blogger. Applause for you. Squatting ovation is not an everything. I only do that if I think that particular work is the greatest work of art. Da Vinci, I would just give a tree somersault claps. Hehehe.

It have been years ever saw her but her writing really contradict to her appearance. Once again I am the victim of first impression. She looks like a tame kitten last time. Now, heheheh lioness roaring as she scratch the durian tree I must say. I love her openness in writing and a salute for not being the hypocrites I usually met in GIFT.

She is now pursuing her Ph.D and wow, that is a big thing. I did fractionally completed my Master Degree in M.Sc majoring in IT in Construction industry. Did several researches and I nearly be the part of the pioneering eMOST. Luck did not sides me. I have to give way since my bro and sis are doing their degree at that particular moment. My research grant is coming to an end. They have offered me conversion and partial study course. I have to pack my bag and disband my dream and research. Being the eldest is never easy. However, I am a proud brother to a sister who hold a Master Degree in Facility Management and a younger brother who did well in doing specialized job after graduating as a Civil Engineer. Nothing is better than a well paid sacrifice. Now, I am thinking of to continue a dream I used to have. A doctorate in Civil Engineering or Science would do. Yeah!

I can not find any photos of my Green Ibook and hope you settled with this artistic illustration.

I have the quality to give lecture and I have the material to finish it clean like how an executioner of the Medieval Era. I have the experience in construction. Reminisce back when I was handling the first construction project with a contractor. The senior project manager from the Project Management Team for the client side have offered me a job to monitor. Since it was a conflict of interest situation, I turn it down. Later through the years, I was the Project Coordinator and then the Project Manager. Then again, I was offered to be the Managing Director of the company. I turn it down since I have no interest to hold deep responsible because I believe in better future. I am not going to be stuck with the company I manage for years. I have something in mind.

Just about I am planning to quit work and start company, I make the hardest choice in my life that is either to start forming my own business from scratch with just paperwork and financier assurance or continue with work. I do some analysis and I end up with continuing with my work. Earlier this year, I read some article that economy is going for a deep slump after the Olympic. I embrace that information and stay steadfast as time could be delay but bad investment stays for life. So here I am, working a pretty well deserving work. Without an interview, I have joint a company with a decent salary. I am the Resident Engineer for the project. I believe this will buy me time and assurance that the next step will far better and will exceed my dream toward richness. It is about enriching your saving account, moral value, social contribution and probably a good future for my heir and heiress.

Sound so Paris a? Clichè? Keep it to yourself. I am preparing the material for my research. I surely hope I can do it at some local varsity. Talking about Malaysian dream. American dream is about getting rich through social security where you get a few hundred dollar if you do not have a job. I surely be something (someone - no good, something - very good. An Icon in all trademarked merchandises)you will notice one day. Trust me.

You will acknowledge and embrace new school of thoughts and best of all. The Dayak will once more rise to challenge the global market with multiple innovative contributions. In God's name. God speed!!

Sorry Najib, you have not given me much attention. I hope you are happy with Mrs. Rust Mug.

Damn it! I have just browse through half of my CD's and I am tired. I figure out tomorrow would be a nice night to spend in checking my old CDs.

Hasta La Vista!

Cryptext with papyrus of vanity stories

2008-10-16T03:16:00.000+08:00

The night seems to be longer than it suppose to be. I am tired with my work and the workload is increasing by time. I just shut down my Sketchup, I save my Palm Meridian proposal and hopefully I will finish this particular proposal by this month end. Close this chapter. Hoping for a Chinese Investor to pump in money as they have promised. I got Al-Radji Bank as well to back up this proposal. Not so sure if they accept this proposal but somehow, if this work I will get this project; a project for life time. If they reject, at least I have the gut to stand up, propose and negotiate with an establish financier.

I am intrigued with the best news that I have been waiting for years. To be exact, it is close to twelve bloody years. I win. Jeeva, you loose! You fat, burnt, black tart!

Yes. It goes back to 1997. I was......

I got cold feet when I suppose to write about it.

Why I got cold feet writing about my past. I have not cheated. It is history. It is a life of a gray past and why am I lacking of gut to write? I have been writing, debate, negotiate and scheme at the highest level in business. Everything seem so easy but not this particular writing. I just try to find a way. Not the right way, not grammatically correct sentences that I always failed to imply in my writing. Something is not right.

Something says, just go ahead and skip this twenty paragraph of stories. It is a heartache. This is a chapter of my life that I have torn off from the book of my life, sealed into a cryptext and now, I am about to reopen it. Yet I feel I do not have the confidence to turn the combination. I memorized it well but it is not really something I feel I suppose to do at this very moment. Probably I afraid that the papyrus with stories of vanity but what is there to be shared.

Yet. I am standing at a crossroad whether to write further of leave it as it is. So far everything is in equilibrium and do I need to wreck it up? I am not taking chances.

All I know, I am smiling and keep things to myself. I am happy somehow things are working the way I have intended eleven years ago. A prayer got answer and perhaps intervention at its own right.

One day when the time is right, this cryptext will unleash stories.

I end this chapter with anonymity. Let these pages of life wash away with purported value and contribution in life. It means nothing, however it may stand some meaning at effected individual.

The curtain of the opera is down. She who loves the opera and sings to the music of the phantom will understand. Someday and somehow she will remember that white wagon she once ride and the brown chariot she once had. She is the one who hardly understood why there is a need of a silk from China when she actually can settle for a pair of canvas. She who read scriptures all day long and to my surprise only 6 pages. She who love buses and train. She was once reside at the Island of Sir Thomas Stamford Raffles. She is an angel who loved a prince afar, who turn her down. She who enchanted others with her Perpetual grace. Her words sometime stumbles unlike the prophecy of Melkin. She symbolize Herbert Spencer quote, "Survival of the fittest' eleven years ago.

I write this as a tribute to her.
I win because my prayers was answered.
I pray for her best and she have the best man for herself.

It has always been a legacy of pure friendship regardless of the way it destined to be.
God Speed! God bless! Amen.

This particular photo has it own story

Blues

2008-10-16T03:10:00.000+08:00

Richard Marx songs really kill me and pause me every time I listen to the radio as I do my work.

The melody really sway me back to my younger years. I can not stop myself to reminisce the great sad old days. Songs from Richard Marx and Air Supply is really a something I am weak to. It is like a cryptonite to my soul. I can be a Superman somehow this song really makes me fall to my knee.

Right now, Yahoo Messenger spin this song. I am distracted and therefore I start to blog. I am a person who like to express things in my writing. It can dead silly in words. My sentences could be structurally wrong and at certain time I have redundant words in a sentence. I may type something else that rhyme with the intended word.

Younger days, I have gone through a lot of silliness and truly heartbreak. I wish I would not turn back time, however the radio has me back to the old days. What can I do?

How I wish I would not speak about the history. How I wish I never taste what I have gone through life. How I wish things could be as fine as how it was now. I wish and the intervention was not there. I am left to feel the pain. Going through lonely nights is an agony I can not put in any word. How could I put sad when I am suicidal. How can I describe myself suicidal when I feel God is near and yet feel so far. What are the feelings that I used to have? Are you going through it now?

I never want to even feel that bitterness. Enough is enough. I would like to be myself at this moment. I enjoy the glory of my youth. I am ushering adulthood. I am always the one you have known. Situation change but personally I did not change a bit. I am still the rebellious one who wish to burnt the whole town and let the ashes rebuilt the city. That is who I am now. I have toned down some of my nature however the seed is there.

I have to confess that my ex is getting married this Saturday. I am not sure if ex is a word that could describe it. I am happy for her. I am happy for myself and I would never trade my current happiness for any dream that I have ten years ago. I have a treasure chest from the Baron sea which clearly contain the papyrus of treasure map and why would I trade it for a schooner of gold? Why? I am the happiest guy.

I shower her marriage with blessings. I blessed her with this matrimony and pray for a blissful wedding. I know she is happy and he have the right man to take care of her. I would not make any comparison since every happenings has been written by Him in His Big Book. I would not change a thing. I would thank for time spent together.

I have put an act of chivalry for all these years together. I have acted maturely and I has been a good man. I have my principles which go parallel to any good morality. I deserved merit even though I am penalized. I think I am the leading person yet I am not the Alpha type of male which filled with chauvinism. I speak softly yet my words carries the weight of a mountain. I have the courage and spirit when I fight my inner dissatisfaction and yet I still not over with it. What is this? Am I too sentimental? Is my conscience playing role and make me hard in determine the right and the wrong? Guilt is something I hope from her. Guilt is what I feel now.

Annunciations has yet to come and why I am so happy about the condition that I am now? Perhaps the answer lie to near to my eyes and sometime I have overseen it. God granted me a good girl who is now a lady. She is the apple of my heart and there is no doubt. She has so much which I have yet to know. She is compassionate, smart, kind and beautiful in her own right. She is a beauty in my eyes and the heart of the beholder. I have her all for myself and I love her.

Years ago, I am frustrated thinking things may not work my way. It did not work out my way for the past fucked 10 years. It seem that my cold resilient pays off. I feel my steadfast and my loyalty to the Almighty is the key to this happiness. I chose the way and I have gone through all the hurdle thrown to me in life. Every single barrier gets smaller and less dominant. I have scoured my virtue which has been dented and dirty after years laying under the seabed of the Baron Sea.

Stars, twinkling stars and shooting stars. Show me the beauty of heaven and play me the sound of fantasia. Trumpet of angels herald for me one day and I know I will make it. I have wish to have a welcome like Elijah. The fiery chariot will bring me to heaven someday and somehow.

The night is the time that loneliness start to make you dream and hallucinate about things that are not mean to be. Is it a blasphemy for what I have said previously? Its clear that my thought goes wild. All this while, I control my thoughts. They are processes under my discretion and what happen now?

I guess I wrote crap tonight, however one thing for sure; all those who gave me pain and all those has gone through pain with me will get my blessings. Father, I pray that all souls whom I know get a place close to you.

Father, every night before I lay myself to sleep; this soul I surrender to you for you to keep. I pray and thank You for sending Your only son to save my soul. I promise to make the best for mankind with all the strength You have given me. Please let me start with the one I love and then to the one You love. It is getting late, my Lord; I hope you will continue to bless my life.

I would thank You for all you have given without me saying a prayer. It seems to be I am a spoiled brat who enjoy Your but be assure O' Lord I am always grateful. I would never beg and command You in my prayer instead I believe in annunciation of future upcoming where Your son will bear fruits with his labor. Teach him to be wise, to have empathy and sympathy as well as to have the conscience of the righteous. I pray to you O' Lord.

Mother Mary, the ever loving Madonna, blessed me with all strength You have showed us. Bring me steps closer to own the courage You had when You gone through all the suffering and turbulence hour.

Jesus Christ, teach me the meaning of real sacrifice. Let me earn all the credits of being less sinful person. I know I will never make it to be hold the upright ways but prepare me for it. Show me the light when my path is dark. Lent me Your shoulder when things get a little bit hard. Hear my cries, shield me from all evil deed and make my path much easier, as your sinful sinner here always lost his may.

For a moment, things in my life goes well. Preserve me from Baal and Lucifer who come and tempt me with all the prospect of earthly richness and lustful desires. Gluttony is always near by, therefore I pray for your light and right for a path to inner cleanliness.

It has been a long night of whining and I am getting tired. Holy Spirit and angels, guide me in every thing I am about to do.

Amen. Amen. Amen. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Gloria, Gloria Santa Maria. Hallelujah!

Chriss Angel - I proved to be a better magician

2008-10-15T20:38:00.000+08:00

Well, I have just watched some of Chriss Angel acts in Youtube. People freak out watching his stunt but then I thought to myself I can prove it is too fake to be Antichrist and worship devil to pull magic like that. Without Watching any spoiler or other revealing magic show, I prove to be quite good in unravellings stupid tricks. Watch me.

Knocked by a Car

You see, this trick is an trick easy. There is no danger of dying but there is a problem with this trick where there is a possibility to be run over after hitting him through the wall. That is the only risk but I think he take good precaution steps of making a small bump to reposition the car after the bang. Slick but not so smart.

The trick require the carpenters to built a wall of real bricks, aerated bricks, soaked in acid bricks, perhaps Styrofoams at certain spots and lastly a lintel beam. Now, look at that particular video carefully. The setup of the brickwall is clearly marked by the carpenter. Chriss's gang only need to scribble a few graffiti and some needless stupid pentagram and everything is ready.

Now the construction method is by setting up real brick at the sides and as well on top of the lintel beam to make sure these real bricks stays for inspections later on. Now, the Styrofoams are placed near his head and in a V shape as in the video. Aerated bricks are placed at the corner toward the parameter where the body of the car will pass through to create cool scene and the soaked bricks are placed around at the remaining spots of the wall.

When the act takes place. Chriss's body absorbed the impact with soaked bricks. Other parts of his body and his head will absorb the impact through the Styrofoam bricks. He act and play dead (thats the so-gay part of the trick). Can you believe you could be alive at impact like that? Well nothing happen to Chriss. His worthless USD200 car did not even end up with broken headlight. So, a good and smart engineer like me will not get fool. So, this trick is way so GAY.

Steamrolled!

This is also another lame trick. I guess every seasoned engineer especially those who is doing a lot of road work is laughing way out loud. So this trick is purely simple.

So that camera, those fruits and beers got run over and the breaking of the glass is the only methods to consolidate the believe of the fans. Nothing more. So hold on tight and embrace a bloody prank.

The steamroller is real. Do not even bother to check the steamroller. It is real. But have you checked the glass and the pavement where the broken glasses are placed? The glasses are composition of two type of glasses. Real glass and sugar glass. The placing of these glasses make the different. The pavement? The size of the pavement does matter. So watch it carefully.

When he walk on the glass, that glass in the middle are sugar glass. While the real glass is placed carefully at the side. The brown one are the real glass. Make no mistake. So when he walk over the glasses, he is actually walking over sugar. A sets of blood bags are placed carefully and labeled with certain color of the glass with certain size. The blood bags will burst and stick to his foot. At a slow pace, he manage to fake it.

Toward the end where he is about to lay down and wait for the steamroller is clearly marked. Here, there pavement was cut into appropriate size and supported not with a mattress but Styrofoams to ensure it does not have that jelly texture. So as he lay down on the sugar glass, he start to make all sort of gesture, people start to pray.

The dangerous part of this trick is the pavement. If any inevitable scenario happens, this is purely bad shit! A small hole is created for him at the size of one third the width of the concrete roller. I believe they reinforced it with braces and even expensive concrete to ensure continuous safe support. The stream roller go through him with one third supported at the pavement at the right and the other one third supported at the left. Remember your younger years. You freak out when you walk over the bloody bridge with two planks? The concrete roller rest the whole weight on the outer pavement like how a car rest its two tires on the two planks. Please use your brain to visualize.

When the steamroller go over him, his legs are compress toward the Styrofoam. This is painful but everyone's muscle can contract and muscle's form can be shifted. The stream roller goes through until his tummy only. Due to the high risk, this act only goes up to this level. Thankfully, the driver did a perfect work. The act end up with me still laughing for the crap talk previously on the show.

Levitate a women

This is the worst trick any magician should do when he get bored. The string is attached to Chris during the interview therefore there is no string felt by the spectators and the victim. So now after the interview, the hypnosis is a fake. The girl happens to believe it so much and actually choose to believe it lay relax. When Chris push her body to lean against his hand and later be lifted up with the assistant of two other people. Chris distract the spectator and these two person actually form a shield to block other's view from seeing him attaching the hook.

He girl stays relax and when the hook is in place, Chriss readjust his body and behave like a pulley. His vertical stripe shirt prevents you to see the string when it start to act. Watch closely at the back of Chriss. There are two assistants who assist him and a clear line where the camera man will not go through. Now when Chriss about to "levitate' this lady, the assistant gets a green light to start. Without noticing it, she gives a thumbs up. Open her slanted luggage bag which is another puller. During the filming period you can see her hand is like pulling the string. Replay the video until you see it. Her hand movement coincide with the levitation processes.

Therefore, I felt so fucked up. It is another Gay prank.

Elephant Reappear

Chriss is totally hopeless with this trick! So much of crap talk and a National Geographic talk. It is a trick which is acted by a few assistants at a specific spot. Others are blinded. So the trick seems convincing until I start to see the background. Remember, it is an empty parking lot.

Now, look at the back, there is a dark building at the back. The black pyramid. The second one is the big buses and trucks which are available at the background. There is nothing at the outside. That is true but the real spectator got cheated when they are blinded at the opposite corner.

The black background is used to bring the elephant in when the assistant break open the human circle. Initially, the elephant is in the big truck at the background. See how near the circle is toward the truck? The elephant walks toward the circle as Chriss speak loudly. So when everything is up and at the nick of the second the elephant make its way to the canvas. (Elephant is a fast moving animal). Then, tadaa! The elephant shows up. I mean the elephant and its master showed up.

Ironically, the title is still maintain as Elephant reappear. Somehow, Chriss overdid his spell and even the long disappeared master comes back once more after in limbo for a while. Hahahaha!

How easy and lame this is?? You figure it out!

Hand Through a person

This is the worst trick Chriss has performed so far. This is so fake anyone should notice it at first glance. You know how it is done and there is no point of me explaining it. Right?

Levitates from building

This is another lame trick by Chriss. I wonder why the show continues, I am not sure. Perhaps some Americans are damn stupid. Maybe it is a cheap thrill anyone can watch during their boring hours.

The Levitation done by Chriss is a pure string trick. He moves on the string with a specially designed shoe. The transparent string can not be seen since it is too bright. The camera angles are set to have horizontal darker background to conceal the string. Spectators underneath can not see the string as it is transparent and small wire is invisible on a such bright sunny day. It is easy and yet people still fall for it. damn it!!!!

Kids turn 20.

I am too tired explain this trick. Take a look at the kid and the mother's outfit. They look alike. Others, crap talk. So Chriss just pick up another blazer or coat similar to the mother. Get the girl to stand up on the table. There goes another old school and pathetic stage. Previously, Chriss arranged the big heap of cloths on the side of the table to conceal the actors during the interchange. So the rest, another lame bluff.

Let us go back to the first screen, the lady for the interchange run to the fitting room to dress up. Nothing much but a red dress. Look at the other cloths she is wearing. Got it? You are wrong. Only the jean pair of jean are alike. She is concealing her black hair. Others are available on the fitting room. What the point for this particular footage? To confuse you when you watch it again to figure out is that the interchange actor. The mother, another distraction.

If you think that I am smart in unveiling the stunt, think about what I could do if I audit your records and reports for ISO 9001:2000 audit. Perhaps, people are feeling the pressure as I am the Resident Engineer for the project.

I am tired of watching. I am really tired. You watch it again and figure it out. I going to the washroom for a shower. You have a nice day.

Minyak Dagu. Love Portion??

2008-10-12T01:59:00.000+08:00

Saturday has come and go. I spent the whole day designing a website for my company. Well nothing else I think would be good enough to kill my weekend as I am saving more money to renovate my home. With tight budget to spare, I thought it would be best to stay home like every weekend and watch football match.

To my dismay, EPL will have matches only next week. I got the date wrong. So go for a stroll and end up at a Chinese coffee shop and have nice dinner. A plate of crispy chicken rise and a plate of wild boar cooked with ginger. Nevertheless, at least it is better than previous days where I am stuck with instant noodle. It has been raining heavily almost every night. I did not manage to walk out of my cabin and have dinner. I am satisfied. Once I am done, I took home some leftover with me.

I am tired washing my own cloth. My brain is fatigue over those thinking when I am designing the web page. Glued to the chair for eight solid hours is no fun though. I am glad to see that bright moon and shiny stars. Labuan is a good place to gaze star as artificial lights are less toward the open sea. I make a stop to find a multi-adapter for my computer but to my surprise, I found things much better than that. A shop that have collections of cheap porcelain. Wow! If only I have my car to transport all of these porcelains home. My dinning hall for sure will be the cutest of all at Taman Penampang. I am playing with color scheme for this particular area, where I mix all sort of color to ensure that all my guest will be absorbing vibrant chi as the enjoy their meal. It took me close to good forty minutes to have all scanned into my brain.

I continue with the web page designing work. The first online channel I watched, it featured a documentary titled 'Sound of Heaven'. Hmm, an Australian try to record music of the local pagans around Irian Jaya, Indonesia. Got ousted by the local with bow and arrow, he fled to Micronesia area. There he go through bumps as well where he tried to seek for local who actually assist him in recording chants during rituals. He managed to record but the local shaman got sick and luckily they manage to apiece those unhappy souls. I was thinking, what the hell with you sick bugger? This kind of spirits and mediums is no commercial material anyone should play with.

Tired of it, I switched to another channel, it is the same thing again. Spooky horror movie with lots of bullshit. I change the channel a couple of time and I pause. There is something about this movie. I can not quite get what the title is actually until a few round of advertisement.

It is intriguing. The movie remind me of some local folk story if not urban legend. You can browse through the net and have watch the movie trailer. The title is Perfume : Story of a Murderer. It is a movie based on the novel by the famous Patrick Suskind.

Grenouille is a young man who work as a perfume maker. He seek for the ultimate perfume and indeed it requires the best essences. He later found out that, the best essence come from the best of all sources. He need best essence for assorted beauties. Therefore, he start to collect bodies of ladies around town. His modus operandi remain the same where he smack the lady's head and preserve their virginity. To extract the essence, he have to wrap the body and let the body to release the bodily oil. Then, he cut his victim's hair. He managed to collect most of the essences. The last essence should come from the most beautiful girl around. He managed to kill the last one. The last kill nearly cost his life. When he is about to to be executed, he unleashed his perfume and sway all the guard. He even managed to sway the whole town with his new fragrance even his executor fall on his knee and respect him. It is magical somehow.

Grenouille: You remind me of Rachel Cook. Only you are a version of redhead hooker.
She: Pay or scram! Leper! By the way, I am booked.

Grenouille: You must be tired doing this and sell pickle at night. Are you selling it at Tanjung Aru again?
She: Say one more word and I will castrate you if not skin you.

Grenouille: Do not say it out loud. Twenty for "aircond ice cream" service, done?
She: Jangan ler bang, Awww.. Jangan ler bang, tak rela I.

Grenouille: I feel so Japanese. Bukkake. Mariaaaa Ozaawaaaa....
She: This is the 10th take for this scene. Fucker!!

Grenouille: In Jamie Oliver's Cookbook, I must add extra virgin olive oil. Then, I must add a handful of Pandan, setengah gelas santan, 3 kilo gula Melaka, majerin Daisy, Curry leaves and bunga taik ayam secukup perisa. Kimak kali! Complicated nar juak!

Grenouille: Walla widdy wodoo boo! Lihing, Montoku, Langkau, Tapai, Tuak or Golden Cola? Hmm! Selalu betul o cakap urang putih. Panat lah. Mana satu syok kalau ada pusas bakas ni.

The story goes on but one thing that plays in mind. Is that recipe of the ultimate fragrance is something related to our culture? Remember the famous 'Ubat Dagu'? English translation sound stupid. Hehe, I am not going any closer to what Sharifah Amani said before. Speaking Malay makes me look stupid.

Minyak dagu or Minyak Pengasih is an oil originated from Thailand, It is said that it is extracted from the chin of a dead women. They will dig the fresh grave, burn the chin of the dead and let the oil drip into a bottle. Scary? Of course it is scary. The best essence come from a women who died when she labor her baby. So this oil is then use by the user for no other reason than to be a portion to attract the women they desired. Generically, it is known as magic portion by the local. Some said it is used to inflict sickness too.

Usually this portion is inherited down to the user from the provider or a shaman. But now, condition worsen. This portion is now available even on online portals. There are a few variations available. I will talk about it later.

I saw a friend use that portion before. He just applied it on their face just like how you apply sun screen. He expect that when a girl pass him will see the gleaming and radiant face and straight fall for him. This is if the portion is Grade A. If it is Grade B, then it would take certain time. Well, it did not have any effect at all on him during that period of 10 months though. I am not so sure about him now. He is still my friend.

The is no moral value I would like to stress here just like other people's writing. It just do not work. It is a culture but please be reminded that, regardless of our culture; it comes back to the need of these kind of things. It is low in moral. Yes, the list goes on but purchased oil is said to have no effect. So why bother trying? Inherited is consider better but will it be useful if you are low in motivation to get the girl you want. Why bother screwing all the girls in town? You get accredited into any club? Fuck For More Club? Half Cork Got Fixed Club?

You should treat ladies with respect regardless of her look, background and qualities. Not to forget, I said I want to tell you about the oil and their variation.

First of all is the Nam Man Prai SaNay MaHa Poot. It can charm the opposite sex for any reason. Is sex your motivation? It contain:-

Nam Man Mae Pranee (Tua Kroo)
Nam Man Wahn Dok Thong (Tua Poo-Mia)
See Pheung Nha Phee (Ghost Face Lip Wax)
Pong Cherng TaGon 59 Cherng (59 funeral pyre powder)
Nam Man Prai Tua Kroo (This oil transferred from AJ ChangWae’s father)
Nang Oak Taek powder and Nang Ram Pheung powder (Both powder came from coffin of pregnancy woman)
Other Holy materials following Lao magic book Biography of Arjarn Changwae

The second one is the local variation from the local natives or the Orang Asli. This one is known as Minyak Perindu. It has a different effect. It is said a portion which can enhance your sales when you apply it somehow.

If you are interested with these charms, you can purchase it. At the mean while, be yourself. I have a pretty looking wife and kind hearted too. I am blessed. You can get yours too with a bit of effort, a gentleman touch, sense of humor and prayer for intervention. It is getting late now and I feel sleepy. Will write again soon. God, I almost forget. I got lots of work for tomorrow. Good Night for now.

Hacked? Whacked???

2008-10-09T13:12:00.000+08:00

WTF?!!!

My bloody web site hacked by some shit balls! Damn it. I was about to upload a memo regarding my work and suddenly I came across a deep shit hole! A few server and web hosting provider got hacked by this immersion fool. This some shit we did not want to see. First time for me as well. Got to know why it got hacked! Somehow some Arab dick got in and change my index.htm file. I am not quite sure but my password is sure powerful enough to withstand any hacking tools.

So I changed my password and I managed to reload my original files in. So nothing to worry. I am just wondering why are Arabs so destructive? Are they all the same? Well I can not be sure but I guess their bloody black gold support them so much, a bit too much for themselves. Why care, they are just bloody idiots. I rather save all my swearing to the devil instead.

Neek Hallak!!!! umka sharmota!!! ibn il tinayich!!

Kis em ick, Ibn himar!!!!!

Fucked! Another bad day for me. First the jetty got banged by a cargo ship and now, got hacked!

Boring!!!

2008-10-09T02:55:00.000+08:00

I am unsure but tonight has been a long boring night. I am tired of finishing up my latest urban design proposal and probably that is why I felt restless. I have been putting hours of my time finishing it up. Uhh! God, I got so much proposals that I think I need a month to put things together. Palm Meridian design is still on going with three more phases on the way. Cultural village proposal is nearly completed with the initial design ready and hopefully I got the time to finish the write up soon. I got plenty more investment papers to write. Tired!

I planned to take a walk, stroll through this lazy Victoria Town to see if there are any happenings or I may end up at coffee shop. It would be nice to have a cup of coffee and scribbles some more ideas. My brain is saturated.

When I about to walk out, I heard the sound of the rain and without much judgment I assumed it is raining. However, it did not rain at all. WTF! I scramble back all my stuff and walked off my cabin. Tonight will be a good night to take a good rest and to refresh my mind. I walked pass through the street. Nothing much as you all know Labuan is pretty a dead town. Everything closed up by 9PM.

Yeah! I finally made it to some of the shops that are still open. I smile and my pace gets faster.

Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph!!!! I left my bloody wallet. Darn! I made the biggest U-turn back to the cabin. I feel so sick and I about to break things. God! What is happening to me? Darn!

I took off my jacket and take a deep breath. This kind of boring night comes rarely. So I unwind my mind for a while. Sorting out all those neutron hair pins among the haystack I guess. I am hungry. Forget about those Roti Pratas or Ox tail soups. I am home and I will never get out again. Shit happened whole day. Then suddenly thunder struck and it really rain. I got home just on time to avoid rain.

I end up boiling some water and make myself the same tea I had for couple of days. Yeah! Worst, I open a can of corn soup and have it for dinner. It is late night now. I am still hungry and all I have are extra three cans of sardine in tomato ketchup? Does that bring any good? Well, I think I would have to settle with corn soup for tonight.

Darn! Darn! Daarn!!!!!! I hope I slumber after tired doing some graphic works. Good Nite peeps!

The Third Letter to Sumo

2008-10-07T14:51:00.000+08:00

Sumo.

I am very happy for the past few weeks. I am not sure but my heart tell me I am happy. The burden seems to be lifted off my shoulder. I can not quite understand but something tell me that I have did something right. It feels so right and therefore I will be alright.

Weeks before, thinking of you makes me feel guilty regardless of the words of comfort people have said to me. Regardless of the money I have for myself, I feel the burden of buying something that I know i will never own. It is stupid for me to even think that I would pay anyone to revive your soul just to come back to me. I remember the last time you came in a dream.

You shows that there will be a young puppy who look so ill, small, hungry and deserted in a heap of rubbish nearby. So small and looks disoriented, it looks like you during your younger day with extra cut marks. When that small puppy are found, before we can even scream for joy; there you are watching us. You step forward, smiling as you licked the small puppy. Suddenly the dream just disappear and we are left without answers. Sadly, without even a word to say and a pat at your head. I still can feel your warm body when you cry as we are leaving you for less than a month. Condition simply did not permit us to have you for this mean while. I promised two weeks and I will be home. The weekend before I left for that useless court case which ended up with a adjournment, I received the worst news in my life.

Sumo, do you know that it feel to have you in our dream? Perhaps to even hold you and have some words before your departure? I feel so sick of myself for leaving you away from us for just two weeks.

Your dream is inconclusive, however we decided to literally follow what happened in our dream. We dug the whole heap of rubbish, trying to see if we could actually found the little puppy in that dream. Desperation excelled our insecurity, we finally found nothing. We believe perhaps one day you will come again to us when the time is right. Our meeting is destined by the Lord above.

Last month has been a routine going back home to the village as usual. I am not sure but I am quite worry and bothered with the news that the zinc roof for your shrine has fallen suddenly. Some said it were the buffaloes who did it. It tingles me thinking that you nasty boy, perhaps you came out to play and irritates those buffaloes and resulted with them destroying your shrine to get even. Maybe, but I am not sure. Mama, who are devastated with your recent past has adopted a puppy. I would not careless as you is the one I have loved and always love.

The new muddy road leading home really agitate me. I got stuck at the puddle of mud after a rainy evening. Damn! I am so tired and this happened. I manage to reach home and without wasting my time, a few of us jump into the river for a good night swim. I felt better as it was getting dark and chilly.

On the way back from bath, I decided to take a look at Mama's new puppy. To my horror, I found something that is so surreal. Déjà vu! It is you as in the dream!.

My heart pounding for joy! Is that you? That question repeated in my mind seems to be for eternal. How can this be happening? This is so fast! The last time you came was on the 7th night of your passing. It was dark, I managed to see you with this small torchlight. I am puzzled, disarray and speechless. Can this really happen? Sumo reincarnated into a new puppy so fast.

I am touched. I am so touched. This love we had for ourself is so strong. Sumo reincarnated on the 40th day of his passing. This is unplanned, this came so fast. I stay steadfast and believing that was destined again. But why does this need to happen?

I remember clearly the day of Sumo's passing. The night before, he leaped out of the house balcony. We believed he has a good reason probably he held himself to his last breath and choose to pass outside. Another possible reason is to trade his life? I am not so sure with the metaphysic that is happening. I am not sure bible said anything about taking one's life with the permission of the Father. Less likely, Sumo is a dog. Somehow, perhaps as what we always heard that loves conquer all. Love is magical! Love make you do things that you never though off? All I know, I still miss my O' Sumo. His name makes me feel so heavy with guilt. His name make me sob when I reminisce the old days.

Now, that puppy is for sure an incarnation. But am I be so sure? Coincident? I have nothing to loose since I have been the biggest looser for almost two months.

Words of Thanks, A Compilation of Poems - IV

2008-10-07T14:33:00.000+08:00

CAPTAINED

Wars between me and my parents is a battle of every adolescents,
I knew I was blind and innocent,
I am the bloody brat, a rebel of missed orientations,
I walk through the path of ignorance,
I read books of anticipation,
I embrace the conscience of disillusion,
I worship the essence of intolerance,
I built a fort from bricks of confusion,
I sail a boat filled of hatred without any reflection,
I see freedom as my instruments,
I prepare a coup to restrain the captain,
I knew for soon that this voyage is over with great deception.

Storm came and battered this great schooner,
I never expect this to come any sooner,
I saw the captain roped at the timber,
I remember the prayer when I am younger,
I held the rosary praying for my Mother,
I recall the cross and remember the Savior,
I glance at the light above and I know it is my Father.
I made penance with great sorrow.

By now, I shed my tears of joy,
I know how that I still have them like a little boy,
I remember I have a chest of toys,
I rush to open and I found a writing said ‘ Ahoy!
I am now the captain of a new ploy.
I fathered a little boy,
I am not sure I am ready for a new broil.
I am sure this is an epic worse than Troy.
I met the old Captain, who is now the new viceroy,
I saw his smile as he held a gargoyle,
I stood as he coy,
I was given three beans of soy,

He said, remember the story of the Beanstalk Jack’s turmoil,
Roman Virgins bargaining for oil,
For riches also born from soil,
No one born and made hoi polloi,
Phoenix risen from ash of burnt poi,
Life is an imperfect circle of coil,
Make sure your plan never fail and foil.

Originally By Jeffery J Pirah

Words of Thanks, A Compilation of Poems - III

2008-10-07T14:32:00.000+08:00

TIME AND TIMES

The forest seems to be so thick and yet my father cleared it in a year.
The river seems to be so wide and yet my father built a bridge across it in a month.
The island seems to be so far and yet my father paddled across it in a week.
The trail seems to be so long and yet my mother walked it in a day.
The mountain seems to be so high and yet my mother scaled it in an hour.
The ravine seems to be so deep and yet my mother descended into it in a minute.
My heart seems to be so dark and yet they light it up in a second.

Originally by Jeffery J Pirah

Words of Thanks, A Compilation of Poems - II

2008-10-07T14:31:00.000+08:00

THEIR WORDS

My mouth said the words portray my father’s virtue.
My ears heard the words of my mother’s advices.
My eyes saw the words of my father’s burdens.
My body felt the words of my mother’s obligations.
My hand held the words of my father’s trusts.
My leg walked the words of my mother’s path.
My heart shared the words of my father’s past.
My soul soaked the words of my mother’s love.

Originally by Jeffery J Pirah

Words of Thanks, A Compilation of Poems - I

2008-10-07T14:30:00.000+08:00

WORDS OF GRATITUDE

How many words can we make to express our gratitude?
How many times words can we make to express our gratitude?
How many words at times can we make to express our gratitude?
How timely words can we make to express our gratitude?
How timing and words can we make to express our gratitude?

Look at your parents in their eyes and we shall know the answer.

Countless word I found every time would not express my gratitude.
Every second of my life, words cannot express my gratitude.
Every word in my sentence reflects no clarity of my gratitude.
Every time seems to be the wrong time to show my gratitude.

Every word phrased in perfect timing could not reflect my gratitude.

Originally by Jeffery J Pirah